i got caught up in making a cd so didn't get to post, hopefully tomorrow.

been awhile

sorry for my lack of posts if there is anyone that actually reads this. i just haven't been in the mode to blog. i've had alot on my mind and i tend to get quieter when i'm stressed, and if you knew me...that's pretty quiet. i'm a quiet person by nature.

i've gotten used to being at my new site but that doesn't mean i like it. i was even saying to my wife that i still couldn't figure out why God had me come back here. i know some of it had to do with two people in particular at my last site having unrealistic expectations of me and not understanding what my job entails. unfortunately these people were the site admin and a dept supervisor. two VERY non-technical people by their own admittance, that's like me trying to tell them what they should be doing in their positions with no idea of what they do. and if my manager wasn't so new at being a manager he wouldn't have reacted, even though he claims it wasn't a reaction. we've worked it out since i've come here and he sees now that i got a raw deal on that situation, but i don't see me leaving this site any time soon.

one good thing so far is i've met a woman who is single with two kids. a ten year old and a three year old. she is trying to raise her kids to be God loving people. our love of music is something we have in common and some how we got onto the topic of music and what's playing on the radio today. her ten year old is big into rap music and listening to artists like 50 cent. so i let her know that i had some Christ centered rap that he could listen to as an alternative. so now i'm making a cd for her son. she's gonna give it to him for Christmas with his new cd player. i've also pointed her towards some online radio stations she can listen to that play rythm and praise (r&b christian music) and gospel. she is kind of new to the faith and is really trying to live the life. so it's good to be encouraging someone. we've also had some discussions about living the christian life today and bible passages that help us get through.

i may post alot today, its could be slow today and i'm the mood to talk about a few things.

blah

feeling blah today. lots of things on my mind. i don't feel as concerned as i have in the past but its hard to keep worries at bay. its funny how sometimes i don't wanna turn to God with my concerns. not funny ha ha. earth from eric posted something along the lines of how i was thinking today. my son just turned 9 months this weekend and he looks so peaceful when he is sleeping (besides just plain ol' adorable!). why do we struggle with peace in our souls?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - matt 6:31-34

hmmmm....maybe its cuz i don't always seek His kingdom and righteousness first.

fellowship of da brothers

ok, so we met on the 19th for some fellowship and for two brothers in particular who had been going back and forth via email about the Godhead to have a type of debate. it was supposed to be a format of one speaks for 15 mins, then 10 mins for rebuttals and the same for the next one to to present his view, then there would be rebuttals, then the host would speak after the "debate" and then we'd eat. everyone brought something to contribute to the meal.

we opened up in prayer and sang a few songs which was a good thing to do. but there were some problems. one problem was that we got a late start. another was that the host had his kids there and at times there were interruptions and he'd have to leave the room from time to time. and although he tried he couldn't pay full attention and had a hard time keeping the first speaker to his time limit.
the first guy presented his view and he went for 40 mins!! he doesn't agree with the view of referring to the Godhead as the Trinity. the next bro came up and presented his view and he kept within the time limit. but he and the first speaker were kind of having a dialog during his presentation so that was another problem.

honeslty i don't believe the first speaker came with a heart that was willing to listen to what someone else had to say. if you had an opposing view, or questioned something he had said, he didn't take the time to listen to what you were saying. and went right to trying to show you were you were wrong in your belief. there was a brother there who wasn't a part of the email group and had met us all for the first time. he let the first speaker know that as an observer he felt that the he (the first speaker) was strong in his conviction and that was fine. but he also noticed that he didn't give others the opportunity to fully express themselves before interrupting them and/or telling them they were wrong. to me that was the best thing to come out of it. i sent this brother an email explaining that i felt that his approach to what others believed was not humble and at times it was sarcastic and condescending. he didn't see it and asked for examples. i sent him examples, direct quotes, and we were supposed to talk about it, but time was an issue.

anyway i thought there was gonna be alot more use of the scriptures to back up their beliefs. i especially thought the second speaker would come a little stronger. he only presented 2-3 verses as a part of his argument which suprised me. i even came prepared with a little outline of my own, just in case i had the opportunity, and i had a lot more scripture than what was presented. we also had to eat cuz we were hungry. it was the first of hopefully many more to come. the host said he'd like to have something about twice a month. the format will be different i'm sure. i believe he'd like to have more of a bible study group going and have our wives there also and possibly do some couples type studies. it was good to get together and fellowship so who knows what the future holds. but hopefully this is the end of that debate!!

new site added

just added contemplative thoughts to the list of reads. from what i've read we share a love for hip hop and christian rap or holy hip hop. also, i just like what i've read so far. i still need to talk about the gathering of brothers. we did have it on the 19th and it went ok. it was good to get together, but it wasn't what i thought it might have been. i'll go into more detail on the next post. i didn't have any preconceived notions due to the format of how things were "supposed" to go, (there was a flyer put together and errythang) but i had imagined how it could go due to the people that were gonna be there. anyway, i'll post more when i have more time. peace out.

we could have some buildin' goin' on!

the brothers are getting together for some fellowship in a couple of weeks! i'm actually very excited about it. one of the guys proposed meeting at his home. he thinks the same thing i do. he thinks a few of the guys have been saying the same thing, just expressing it differently. believe it or not the topic of the Godhead has still been a hot topic so he thought everyone could get together, eat, and talk about what they believe and just fellowship. i've been wanting to have some kind of get together, some kind of a fellowship. hopefully it'll work out good and turn into a regular thing. hopefully we'll be able to move beyond this topic also! i am pretty excited about it. the way i met these guys just feels like God meant for it to happen. i mean i actually heard one of the guys on a call-in radio show a few weeks before i met him for the first time!! i was on the train and was introduced to him and he just happened to be talking about the show and i put two and two together and lo and behold it was him that i heard, and he had a question about something i was wondering about too!! LOL! what are the chances?!?! this is a national radio show and someone who lives a few towns over calls in, i hear him, then meet him a few weeks later!??! crazy! so anyway, i'm looking forward to the get together.

transformation

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come!" - II Corinthians 5:17


man i wanna feel like that!! at times i do, i mean my way of thinking has changed in some aspects. the way i look at people, alot of my selfishness has taken a big step back. i realize how selfish i can be so that's big. i look at my motivation for doing things before i do them. so i guess the change is coming along. but i guess sometimes i want more. i guess i just want to be "super christian". full of biblical knowledge, Holy Spirit filled, always saying and thinking the right things. perfect i guess. and that's not possible while i'm here.





"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." - Romans 12:2

i'm realizing that this is easier to do when you're surrounded by a community of believers. "Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." Romans 12:4-6. each of the parts of the body can function on their own, but work better when they work together. so we need each other. for encouragment, to pray for each other, to keep each other in line. i'd like to find that kinda community. it could help with the transformation process and i think thats how God intended for things to work among us while we are growing in Him.

weakness

psalm 51:10 "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

that's my prayer. i should probably say it everyday. i was talking to a friend the other day and its been my thought at times that i'd like to feel close to God all the time like the songs you hear from artists talking about their relationship with God and authors of books suggesting ways to have a closer relationship with Him. sometimes i wonder if its possible that people really have that all the time and that it's always "all good" with them and the Lord. its frustrating to me that i struggle with walking down the narrow road. sometimes (too many times) i go off course and it takes me awhile to get back on track. although these days i've been really missing my quiet time with God and the effect He has on me. He really does change how you think and view the world. alot of those changes are still there, i guess i just struggle with my own weaknesses and don't like that they're so hard for me to put down. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." hopefully like paul someday i'll "delight in weaknesses" and know that "when I am weak, then I am strong."

let's build part deux

so i called the bro that i sent the email to. the convo went well. i basically let him know that i think that as brothers we should building each other up. i told him we should be supporting each other and that the tone of the emails were changing. i told him that i thought him and the other bro were at times saying the same thing and that sometimes emails were not the best way to have that kinda discussion after it gets to a certain level. i also asked him if he saw that kinda discussion as fruitful. will it help a brother in his growth? help him to be a better father, husband, or help him live his life according to how God wants us to live our lives. i said that i was saying it as an observer and one who was wondering if that kind of going back and forth is beneficial. he took it well and we talked about some other things. he kinda started preaching and i told him that he's preachin to the choir. my parents had us have family devotions at nite when i was very young. My mom witnessed to my brother, she was a witness to me just by how she lived and conducted herself. my dad would tell us to read our bible often. i let him know there was plenty of bible in my life before meeting him. and i didn't even mention that i was a bible quizzer for 4yrs. not that that makes me a scholar in any way but he wouldn't be saying anything i haven't heard before meeting him, lol. so over all it went well and hopefully i left him with some things to think about.

let's build

the guys were at it again...

i mentioned some guys that i know who have an email group where God/the bible is discussed. its become more and more obvious that there are some varying beliefs among these brothers. anyway the topic of the Godhead has been the most recent thing they've discussed and it's been mostly between two brothers but the whole email group was included on the emails. well it started to get a little heated cuz they were not in agreement on each other's view. the emails were paragraphs long and it was alot of going back and forth. now one of the brothers made the mistake of calling me and others out. he basically said that he was surprised he didn't hear any input from me to refute something that the other brother said and that i "knew better". wrong move dude. i've never even discussed the subject with him so he doesn't know where i stand. i sent a response, but i didn't even touch the subject, here is what i sent:



greetings brothers,
#####,

i chose not to get involved in this discussion because i'd rather have
fellowship. i'd prefer not to debate. i'm seeing more and more debate and disagreement than fellowship. and like john said its somewhat troubling. i still don't feel like that is what the Word was given to us for. these are some very
lengthy emails and they seem to be going in circles. at times it seems more like
this is turning into "i'm going to prove i'm right". let me ask you some
questions. if two brothers disagree on their view of scripture does that mean
one's saved and the other isn't? does that mean that one loves the Lord and
the other doesn't? does that mean that one's interpretation is right and the
other's interpretation is wrong?? who among us can judge???

this is what i believe: i believe we should pray for each other. i believe
we should pray that our hearts are opened to His Word and to Him and that He
continues to work in each other lives and that He reveals His truth to us.

I Corinthian 13 8-12

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where
there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass
away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection
comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I
thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put
childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then
we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully,
even as I am fully known.

i've talked to one of the guys who was in this debate since sending the response and let him know that i'm thinking about asking to be removed from the email list. i wanna be a part of something where we're building each other up, not where people are puffing themselves up cuz of their biblical knowledge and/or debating about their interpretation of scripture and humility is lacking. i will be calling the other brother today since i see that he's tried to call me once. i was on the cape so i didn't get the call. hopefully he doesn't take what i sent as a personal attack on him or as an endorsement of the other brother. but for one, he shouldn't have called me out and secondly when you do something like that you should be careful about the words you use. can't we all just get along??

its tough enough to be a Godly man and to stay on the narrow road. and as a body of believers we should be lifting each other up and supporting each other thru the struggle.
i've got some chores to do. i'll give the brother a call and post on how the convo went later.

vacation - kind of a rant

well vacation isn't turning out how i would've hoped. didn't have big hopes but...here we go. this weekend was our 12 yr anniversary and we went to the cape. the wife's tooth has been bugging her and got much worse this weekend. jr is teething and realized he wasn't home and didn't want to go to sleep until after eleven. i woke up to find wifey rocking and crying from the pain at about three in the morning on monday and it didn't get better by tuesday. the time on the cape was cool but she was in pain and jr was off his schedule. we left the cape earlier than planned and she had her tooth pulled that afternoon. i didn't end up working out, which i was looking forward to but i didn't feel much like it after taking her to her appt, going home and taking care of lil' man then going back and picking her up after the appt. yesterday i ended up playing playstation for hours and didn't go to the gym. didn't feel much like it, mostly cuz i was zoning from the playstation and it was late and i didn't sleep much the nite before, probably from playing playstion till about five a.m wednesday morning.

i played ball this morning but my back was incredibly stiff from playing playstation all day in the same position. not enjoyable. i worked out today but wifey has a big test next tuesday and had to go to a friend's to study this morning, i was with cranky pants who was quite cranky. i went to the gym but felt under the gun cuz the wifey had a second study group at eight o'clock and i didn't get to the gym till after seven. she knew i wouldn't be home until after eight. and it's thursday already!! tomorrow i have jr from one till nine. doesn't sound like much of a vacation. don't get me wrong. i love being with my son, no doubt, but it doesn't quite fall into vacation mode when he's cranky. the things i was looking forward to the most were the anniversary weekend and playing ball and working out. none of those things went to well. i think i needed a two week vacation. oh well. its a vacation from work. and it's definetly good to not have to be at work. life still happens, can't take a vacation from that. on the bright side, i did get some quiet time this morning. just left the tv volume turned all the way down, played some playstation (again) while wifey and lil' man slept. i realized how much quiet time i don't get. always some noise going on. i hope to be able to take an hour of quiet time a day or about three times a day. gonna try and go somewhere quiet during lunch. ok, i'm rambling...goin' to bed.

New Look

i was ready for a change and put up a new template. wish i could say i created it but i like it alot. maybe some day i'll have the time to sit down and create my own. well...it'll definetly take more than one day that's for sure. but i'm learning css (casscading style sheets)...slowly, but i'm learning. the syntax is what i struggle with the most right now. and like anything else it takes practice practice practice. i'm on vacation this coming week!! horrayy!! maybe i'll put some time in during the week on learning some more

funny

i don't really have a comment, just that this made me chuckle...hehe

the battle rages on!!

i think i need a refresher on "every man's battle". maaahn!! my job is surrounded by colleges. two are all girls colleges. there are about three other colleges in the area also, along with fenway stadium and a few bars, clubs, restaurants, gyms, etc. so the amount of women of all ages is overwhelming to say the least. and not to use the common excuse but the clothes they wear doesn't help. like man ambassador says;


Most women have care in their genes
Where’s the care you killin' us today the way you're wearing those jeans
A few of us really care for the king
We’ve got to fight when you're in sight
For other men staring's no thing
Well don't look then
Well sis, I wasn't lookin'
But if I’ve gotta nose can I help smellin' the cookin'
I know you can blame it on the weakness of men
But the weakness is made weaker when we see your skin


so this brutha is strugglin again. one of the methods "every man's battle" suggests is to "bounce" your eyes, but i get dizzy from all the bouncing lol. cuz my eyes bounce from one girl and end up in another one's direction!! its tough cuz i take the T so they're everywhere. another thing is the IT dept works in the basement of our building and there are no windows so you don't even know if the sun is out. plus they've had issues with mold in the basement so its good to go out and get fresh air. but going outside is dangerous lol. and when there's a home game...forgetaboutit!!

i'm being humorous about it but it is something i've noticed of course. and i can't express enough how tough it is to be surrounded by people who have no respect for God. i can't keep count of the amount of times someone says "jesus christ", or "jee-zus" or "oh christ". since when did it become so fashionable to use His name as a curse word?? i cringe everytime i hear it. some even say "cheese and rice!" cuz it sounds close to it. arrggh. i miss fellowshiping with people who have a love for God. people who wanna live for God, wanna be closer to Him. I MISS HAVING MY QUIET TIME!! .


i know a few guys who communicate via email but more often than anything it turns into some sort of debate on how one interperts this or that scripture or doctrine. and the emails get to be paragraphs long and the threads can go on for days. for example today an email was sent asking a question about women's role in the church and what paul said concerning that topic. he asked the ques cuz there was a judge and prophet named deborah in the book of Judges who had a postion of leadership. now the guy directed the question to another brother who responded by saying that he'd address his questions under the conditions of his sencerity to know the truth! and went on to say he was more concerned about the question asker's belief on who Jesus Christ is. in another email thread there was discussion about the Trinity and there was disagreement. i can't even beging to go into that right now. but it just wasn't a cool way to respond and i'm tired of these guys debating. its not fellowship.

but....i have a train to catch. so i'm out. maybe i'll post more on that subject later. peace out!!

Cool!!

Partial beard, freestyle : German Willi Chevalier, contestant in the category partial beard, freestyle, poses in Berlin, during the World Beard and Moustache Championships. (AFP/DDP/Marcus Brandt)

meant to live

Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bent for more than arguments,
And failed attempts to fly, fly

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much mor
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside


Lyrics by Switchfoot

the internet is a funny place....

what can't you find on the internet??? and i wasn't even looking for it lol....http://www.jamiefrost.co.uk/narniaquiz

As Prince Rilian, you are brave, noble and intelligent, but easily misguided! Just make sure you don't go after any green women.

not feeling so hot

i'v been sick this week. jr got sick first then passed it on to us. and with him being cranky from teething and having the cold and mom and dad being sick too, it was quite the adventure. i've also had alot on my mind and plate lately. having some car/money issues and that kinda stuff stresses me out. not really having the money or time to get to the shop, plus wanting to take better care of the car. and again money is an issue so it can be depressing.

i've also been distracted with trying to create a new template for this blog. i found one that someone else created and i like it alot, but i wanna tweak it and i'm having trouble. its written using css and i know some but not like i should so i've been teaching myself. i wish i had more time to concentrate on it. or i wish i made better use of my time. i have alot of interests. it's difficult though. life can't be truly scheduled. at least that's my experience. but its kinda cool trying to teach myself but i'm not usually disciplined with it. i prefer being taught and having some structure.

i finished the chronicles of narnia! excellent series. my wife was right. she said i'd wanna read it again once i was done and i do kinda want to review it. i really liked the last few books of the series, there was quite a bit that stood out . so i wouldn't mind quickly going over the first couple of books to see what i may have missed or forgotten as i got further along in the series. the one thing that stood out the most from the entire series was how God's nature was portrayed. its hard for me to find the words to describe. and that was another good thing about the way the books were written. at times c.s. lewis would basically say something was hard too explain or describe to really get across what a character or characters were experiencing.

but yeah, it makes me wonder why we have the view of God that we do. our view of Him in general seems that He's always angry and waiting for us to mess up. maybe its me but thats something i've observed. i wonder if when we come to realize how awesome and powerful God is, (and really it is beyond our imagination) we fear for our lives. i mean that in the sense that we think like humans do. we think, "well if i was a Holy God i know how displeased i'd be with someone like me". but we forget about how much God says He loves us. and we forget that God looks deep into our hearts and is more interested in the motivation behind our actions. and i think Jesus gives examples of that in some of the parables He told. but we concentrate so much on His anger. i wonder why. and fear motivates in the wrong way. i don't think that's God's intention. Jesus says to take on His yoke and that His burden is light. why don't we believe that. (belief is something else i've been thinking about ever since reid posted on faith and belief a while back. for some reason we don't believe it or don't believe we can handle what God would throw our way. i dunno. this life is a trip. at times i feel like a bear that had a very small role in the "the last battle" of the chronicles of narnia. he simply says "i..i..don't understand". there was so much going on and it was happening so quickly that it was all he could say.

Christ and hip hop

i'd like to comment on the music that i play on my site. the first song that's playing is by a group called the cross movement. i support this group by buying and listening to their music cuz there's no question that they are trying to reach souls for God and their music doesn't try to hide the fact that they are Christians. Jesus Christ crucified is what they preach and there's "no shame in their game". since being introduced to their music i've stopped listening to secular music and they've inspired me to strengthen my walk and to be more in the Word.

that being said...i read an article about them written by rondy long of exministries and for one, he misquotes a song or takes the lyrics from a song out of context. the song is called "hip-hop-cracy" and the song is about the state of hip hop today and its negative influence on the world today. one line from the song is “And when that last tic-tocks, I’m (God) coming to your block to see what you did with my Son and with my Hip-Hop!” . that line refers to God giving us the abiility to make music and what we do with it. hip hop being one form of music. rondy seemed to think that that line makes it sound like Jesus and hip-hop are equal. here are the lyrics within context:

Now if Hip-Hop is gonna be true to life
I'm tellin' you Hip-Hop’s gotta be true to Christ
‘Cause as the Hebrew writer cites,
That His creative endeavors made all things and holds all together
So that kick and snare that jerks your spine is ‘cause God made noise work by design
So it’s Divine and not by chance that you can make a hot track or do a little dance
Or write a little rhyme
Ain’t that crazy?
Words whose sounds matched that stimulate the mind
And what if you can write a verse?
How you paying homage to music’s Maker with punchlines of curse?
And the stanza’s that modern man does are full of vanity, vulgarity and propaganda
But I guess that’s this age –
We Thugs and Fools
We even stick God up and saying, “Run the jewels!”
But God ain’t the type to just lay down flat and put His hand behind His head and turn His back
He’s the type to look right back down your pipe
And see the Cross in the crosshairs of your site
And be like, “Oh you sticking me up? No you’ not…
I’m loaning you my stuff, but you on the clock.
And when that last tic-tocks, I’m coming for your block
To see what you did with my Son and with Hip-Hop!”
So woe to all men who have abused the craft with unjustified math and filthy cash
“Will a man rob God?” No indeed
But that’s the sin and attempt of Hip-Hop-cracy


rondy believes that hip hop is music is influenced by demons. and i guess my question would be...what about rock music and the culture that comes from it? new age jazz?? r&b?? etc...what kind of spirit is behind these genres?? should christian rock be abandoned by christians? what about when "christian music" takes on the forms of these othere genres? should christians only sing songs you find in hymns??

at any rate, he also thinks that this group is promoting hip hop. i disagree. i believe what they are trying to do is reach a subculture that seems to be getting ignored by the church. they are reaching them through a language that is familar to them. but still telling them about the love of Christ for us.

nowadays there are alot less parents in the inner city taking they're kids to church. there are alot more single parent/broken homes and they are not turning to God. the family structure is not what it should be and respect for God is hard to find. they are turning to drugs and alcohol to fill that void. their heros are the rappers they see on video and hear on the radio and they want to immulate them. most rap music today promtes promiscuity, violence, drugs and the worhip of money.

the cross movement and other artists/groups like them are trying to show kids that idolize these rappers and the life style they promote that there is another option. some kids have such little biblical knowlege and no one to guide them towards God. some of these kids feel like the church won't accept them as they are. these guys are trying to tell them that God loves them just as they are and that they don't have to wear a suit to be loved by God. they don't have to change how they dress, change the slang they use (obviously if its offensive to God it must change) and change who they are to be accepted. they use hip hop to reach these kids but that doesn't mean they feel that is the only way to reach them. but right now rap is what they listen to and what they are influenced by. hip hop being a way of expressing one self. parts of hip hop are style of dress, slang and other elements. i commend them for going into a very competitive, very hard industry and preaching Christ.

rondy talks about a young man who came to Christ and changed they way he dressed, got himself nice and clean-cut and respectable and raised his grades in school after getting saved. and he did this without being told to. and that's great, but we're not all the same.
I Samuel 16:6-7 6 "When they arrived, Samuel saw Eliab and thought, "Surely the LORD's anointed stands here before the LORD." 7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." This is what God told samuel when he was to choose who would be the next king of Israel. saul was looking for someone who had a certain appearance. God had him go to jesse of bethlehem to pick the king. jesse brought all of his sons before samuel except one, david. and none of them were who God was looking for. david is who God wanted. the bible says that david was "ruddy with a fine appearance". he was young and handsome, he did not have the rugged experienced look of man ready to take over and become a king.

i believe when paul says "therefore, if any man is in Christ he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come!" II Corinthians 5:17 , he's referring to that inner man. not necessarily his outward appearance. when someone has changed from the inside, it shows. when there is something different about you its evident and how you dress does not always indicate that. and i have a good example. people who lived in my apt complex noticed something different about me but couldn't put they're finger on it. then i pointed out that i don't swear. now i'd been around them for quite some time, i dressed similar to them but they could see that something was different. maybe its the word hip hop that is causing the problem. i dunno.
its laughable though.

by what rondy writes, it seems that the church is saying you can only come in if you look and act like they do. no baggy jeans, t-shirts and sneakers allowed. cross movement is reaching out to the youth. they are going to them where they are. who else do we know that did that? the cross movement preaches Christ crucified and in a language this culture understands.

ok, i'm tired. enough on that for now...time for bed.

andrew aka...

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hearing the call

"Please, what task, Sir?" said Jill.

"The task for which I called you and him here out of your own world." This puzzled Jill very much. "It's mistaking me for someone else," she thought. She didn't dare to tell the Lion this, though she felt things would get into a dreadful muddle unless she did.

"Speak your thought, Human Child," said the Lion.

I was wondering -- I mean -- could there be some mistake? Because nobody called me and Scrubb, you know. It was we who asked to come here. Scrubb said we were to call to-to Somebody-it was a name I wouldn’t know-and perhaps the Somebody would let us in. And we did, and then we found the door open." "You would not have called to me unless I had been calling to you," said the Lion." - C.S. Lewis The Silver Chair Book 6 of the Chronicles of Narnia

i'm reading this book now and when i read this it touched me. i stopped reading and thanked God for calling me. its good to know that He desires us. i'm glad i answered the call. there are many who hear the call but don't answer. sometimes we as believers hear His voice when we've gone astray and ignore the call.

jill then asks "Then are you Somebody, Sir?" and he replies "I am". Pretty cool Mr. Lewis, pretty cool.

frustration

i started this blog cuz i really like doing web pages, its a challenge and i enjoy it. also i was intrigued by blogs. like other blogs i was reading at the time i wanted to blog about things that are going on in my life. mostly to rant. lol. i was the angry black man at the time. lol. not angry at "the man" or any thing in particular, just angry. then i had a change of heart, i turned to God with some things i was dealing with and i also wanted to keep in contact with Him instead of turning away like i had done so many times. it was one of the many things i was angry about. i didn't want to turn to God only in times of trouble. thats not the kinda relationship he wants and i know that. once i had the change of heart i wanted to write about my "journey", my walk with Christ and all its challenges. i haven't posted anything in awhile cuz i'm discouraged right now and haven't been in the mood for various reasons.

i'm back at a job site i don't like to be honest. it's kinda like the epi-center of everything. it feels that way anyway. it's the busiest site and its a very challenging place to work. its a challenging site to get to, either by driving or the T. and you could swim in the atmosphere of negativity here. for whatever reason when you're at this site you know what everyone else is doing. and the disorganization!!! it reeks!!! anyway, the negativity plus the language here makes it quite the challenge to not get caught up in it. not to fall into the complaining and the attitude that permeates this place. when i was at my other site i had my own office and i was able to do my devotions and sometimes that would just lead to studying or prayer at length. now i know i could find time elsewhere but it was really good cuz it was the first thing i'd do at my site every morning. nothing like starting your day like that. i'm just frustrated.

i'm also frustrated with some of the blogs i've read lately. i think i've mentioned this before. there is not one of us who knows the mind of God but so many come off as they do. whatever your belief is, in my opinion it is still not a Christ like attitude to knock a certain group for what they believe. as i understand it we're supposed to pray for each other. we're supposed to pray for our enemies!!! not for what we want but for God's will to be done in people's lives and i don't see that being said very often at all along with the criticism of what one believes. its one thing to disagree and its another to generalize a group because of experiences you may have had with people who look at God differently than you, and i'm referring to different views of doctrines or scripture not the worldy view on God, i.e "the church". not all churches are the same and not everyone who attends the same church looks at God the same way. people who attend church are not hypnotized zombies without their own minds. once service is over everyone goes home and leads very different lives. we're also supposed to pray for wisdom and discernment. we're to be seeking His face, not trying to prove that our view is the correct one. we are finite! we're limited in our knowledge, no matter how much studying we do, whether it be on our own or through group bible studies or seminary or whatever the source of knowledge is. i dunno...i'm just frustrated about alot of things right now. now i know for a fact that i don't always follow what this scripture subscribes as much as i should but i do believe that it would be pretty hard for people to have different views on this verse:

Proverbs 3:5-7

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD and shun evil.

none of us should be wise in our own eyes, and we shouldn't lean on our own understanding. now i don't know how else to lean on the wisdom of God except through his Word and through prayer. if the bible wasn't reliable i have a hard time believing it would be here for you and i to read today. i can only imagine how many people have tried to discredit it. doesn't the longevity of the "good book" speak for itself??? and if you can find flaws in His Word ask Him for the answers to the quesions you have. its still up to Him to decide whether or not you'll get the answer but there can't be harm in asking. James 1:5. the bible even says that God's foolishness is wiser than man's wisdom 1 Corinthians 1:25. and actually read that whole chapter to see the context of the message. it speaks on divisions in the "church", the church being the body of believers. ahhh...its time for bed and i could go on and on. hopefully i'll be back to blogging soon. i'm just more concerned about getting my personal time with God back.

we only know in part

I Corinthian 13 8-12


8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

very interesting

got this link Inclusivism??? Universalism??? Judgement???
from ybmt. i don't really have a comment about it, not now anyway. i find the topic to be very interesting though. i will say this. it does make one wonder about all the different ways people look at the gospel in Christiandom. and to some degree it makes me sad that we all seem to think we have it right and the other "groups" don't. and i'm talking about each so-called "side".

my little man

this is my chubbawubba!! i never thought i'd post a pic of my kid on the 'net but man....i'm in love with this kid. i can look at pics of him all day and can't help but be proud!! we've been married for 12 yrs and this our first, so you could understand if i was thinking we weren't gonna have children. sometimes i still can't believe i have a child!!! i got to hold him right after he was born for a good half hour, even before mom!! what a blessing!! and i'm proud to say that this daddy has been doin it all from day one. changing diapers, feeding, helping give baths, takin work off to go for support when he got his shots, getting up in the middle of night to help out. i don't regret it. i've never been so tired in my life lol, but its' all love. don't get me wrong, i've been very frustrated at times and the crying would drive me insane at times, but i love him. he's alot of fun and has a face full of expressions. we think we have a character on our hands (and with mom and dad's personalities?!? we've got a little comedian) and man is this kid gonna be active!! he was constantly on the move in the womb and is still kickin those feet today!! he'll be six months tomorrow! its hard to believe that we just had him. thats what it feels like. he was so small when he was born and he's just blown up! i call him chubbycheeks or chubbawubba and that gets a big smile from him!!! anyway, i was feeling like i needed to put some kinda picture up, i love photos, and thought these would be good to put up today.

"killing my old man"

that title is from an old Petra (lyrics) song!!

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self...Eph. 4:22-the first part of vs. 24

taken from today's our daily bread - He's not interested in merely changing our spiritual appearance. Instead, He intends to replace our character with what is called "the new man," made in the image of Christ (Ephesians 4:24). The flesh has a tendency to perform religious activity, but this is not the work of the Holy Spirit. He will completely transform us on the inside.


But the process is a partnership (Philippians 2:12-13). As we daily lay aside our old behaviors and replace them with godly ones, the God of grace works in us through the power of the Holy Spirit.



12Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. - Philippians 2:12-13

Church

Why go to Church?, picked this up at Say What Now?. i've been wanting to go to church myself, been missing the fellowship with others. hopefully things'll will work out soon. i haven't been to church in a minute!! "minute" used in that sense is slang for quite a while!

so much static

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. - psalm 27:14

wow...i dunno if i'm amazed or confused. last summer i had something happen at work that was very disturbing to me. but the good thing about it is i took it to the Lord. i went to church and prayed at the altar about what was tearing at me. now i could have easily just been angry about it and went with that anger. but i went to God for guidance in how to handle the situation and myself in that situation. while on my way to the altar i looked for a friend of mine in the pews and didn't see him. when i opened my eyes from praying, he was right there next to me! and we talked about was going on and also about my desire to know God better, that i was tired of living off of "milk". and we made a commitment to each other to meet on a regular basis. and we did. and we did a study on a very tough topic. lust and its negative effects on the christian man. whew...at the time i didn't think i'd open up as much as i did, and he was thinking the same thing about himself. and it was a blessing in many many ways. although the battle rages on...lol.

now here i am a year later and so much has happened between now and then. in terms of my relationship with God. that inner desire to know God has not died or faded. but i have come across sooo much stuff (that's the best way i can put it now) that sometimes my head is spinning. and now as i'm writing this i'm wondering if some of this "stuff" distracts me from knowing Him better. this "stuff" has been sitting and listening to and/or having debates with other christians i just "happened" to meet (wink wink...i know God was in the mix) on the commuter rail. and now some of the blogs i read. all these different opinions and interpretations of the bible and what this or that verse meant. don't get me wrong, alot of it has helped fuel the desire to know God's Truth, to understand Him as He wants me to. whew...talk about meat!

last nite i mentioned to my wife that a relationship with God is tough. i explained what i meant by saying that i see her on a daily basis, i can physically touch her, i can feel her touch me. when she speaks i can hear her voice audibly. do i need to say more? i will, just in case what i'm trying to get across is not clear. with God it's different. the bible is His voice, i see Him in creation. teachers of His Word are also His voice. what i want is to have a relationship with God. and maybe that's not the correct way of putting it. i dunno how else to say it at this point. but sometimes, i wanna shut the world out so i can focus on what it means to have a relationship with God. but as humans we tend to look to others to see what they do. so when i read or listen to what other people have to say it can be, to say the least, a bit much. sometimes people use words that are just not part of everyday vocabulary and they talk about this doctrine vs. that doctrine. what this author or that author had to say on the topic. all the different denominations, inerrancy of scripture, the historical Jesus vs the Jesus of the bible. faith, grace, salvation, redemption, reconciliation, death, life, hell, religion. it gets to be overwhelming. are there two people that believe the exact same thing? and what is up with this distaste for organized religion??? when i read what some people say it sounds as if all churches are no good and that they might as well be cults. i don't go to church often, alot of times its due to the wife's work schedule or this or that. but the church i go to doesn't come off as judgemental. sure, there may be people with that mentality, but not the church as a whole. i could go to church in shorts and sneakers if i chose to. i could be covered in tattoos, with my nose, ears and even lip pierced and i think i'd be accepted and not just accepted but loved. i believe that i could express my opinion on a certain verse or passage and not have someone try to force feed me something else. not all churches are organizations that try to force people to believe their way. not in my experience anyway, and obviously if that is the case at a particular church then its not the place to be.

i dunno, sometimes it seems there are too many trains of thought that can distract one from getting to know God. i think we often forget to do this - "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." - psalm 46:10 we're too busy trying to put our own thoughts and feelings into the who/what/where and when that we don't just sit and listen to who God tells us He is.

the purpose of the Crucifixion?

it's always interesting and sometimes confusing to find out what others believe. especially other "christians" or "believers", i only use the quotes because we say we believe in the same Christ or the same things about Christ. as for the quotes around christians, many many people call themselves christians even tho they don't believe that Christ is the Son of God. anyway, i've been surfing and come across blogs of people that believe that Christ died for all and thus all have been saved. (at least thats what i think i'm getting from them) and that God being loving and merciful would not condemn people to be eternally seperated from Him since Christ died on the cross for all. how does that explain Jesus saying "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." -John 14:6. would God send His son to die for a world that doesn't believe in His son? how does that reconcile man to God if he still doesn't believe and accept the gift of His son? as i understand it, Christ is the bridge for man to God, He's our intercessor.
how does that way of thinking of the work of the cross work with what Jesus said -

"Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life."

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son." - John 3:14-18

now i've seen where just verse 17 is quoted, but verse 18 is left out. what about what John says at the end of chapter 3 regarding Jesus when someone came to him because Jesus was baptizing people?

"The Father loves the Son and has placed everything in his hands. Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on him." - John 3:35-36

I've also seen arguments that this would go against the nature of a loving God. God is Holy and yes He loves us, but He loves us enough to give us a choice to choose Him or not. isn't that one of the aspects of love? i have a son, who is still very dependent on me (5 1/2 months). at some point he will grow up and do what he wants. to me, to love him, is to allow him to persue his interests. now i can guide him and tell him what i think is best, but that's it. i shouldn't try to force him to live the life i think he should live. if i try to force him to do things my way then how is that love and how is that me listening to him and allowing him to be who he thinks he is? now he may choose to do something that i'm totally against, but that doesn't mean that i love him any less. i will still love him no matter what and hope that some day he chooses to do something different with his life. in the same way, i think that's how God loves us. He gave us our own minds to make decisions. His desire is that we choose His way. He knows better, He knows whats best for us, after all He created us.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

- psalm 139:13-16

But we still have a choice, "free will". God is all knowing and all powerful, doesn't it seem like He'd find another way to save all mankind without sacrficing His only son? i dunno, i just think we need to be careful about what we do with the purpose of the cross and why Christ came. God is a loving God, and He is also a Holy God and we cannot forget that part. His nature is Holy and He shows that by the flood, the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah and the fact that a price had to be paid for sin. IMO, The mercy and grace of God is shown in the sending of his son to pay that price.

btw, i am in no way judging what someone else believes, just explaining why i believe what i do.

huh??

a friend of mine had a "guy's night" a week ago at his home. there were about six of us and we just ate and hung out and it was cool. i got the feeling and know now that we all had different beliefs. the age group was varied too. after eating we watched a tv show and played a couple of video games. during that time my friend was showing me a book called "The Complete Works of Francis A. Schaeffer" that he is reading right now. we were talking about different aspects of the book and at some point creation came up. one of the guys who goes to our church, and i'm probably assuming here, but i'm pretty confident in my assumtion, is a christian said that he wasn't sure that he believed in the creation story in Genesis. he said that he didn't think he could believe that we were created from the earth/dust. i was pretty surprised to hear that. my thinking is that if you're a believer and you believe that Christ died on the cross for our sins and arose three days later, how could you not believe in the creation according to Genesis? isn't the bible whole truth? if one doesn't believe in one part of it then how can one believe in any of it? what about the virgin birth? the parting of the red sea? the miracles Jesus performed? johah and the whale? how about lazarus? the story of sampson? david and goliath? if all those accounts are true in the bible then how could the creation account not be? if you believe in God's Word as truth, wouldn't it all be true?

this week has still been pretty rough but i feel better today. and compared to yesterday, its like i was so low yesterday that feeling so much better today doesn't seem logical. i can't explain why i do. prayer is a wonderful thing. "what a friend we have in Jesus - what a privilege to carry every thing to God in prayer". yesterday i was ready to cry, felt so overwhelmed with life, mostly money, but life just seemed to be too much. from the time i got up i didn't even want to come in to work, it took alot for me to not just stay home. i felt like being a "no call now show" and just let the cards fall where they may. i was in a bad mood too, angry, and i don't hide that well. but like i said, prayer is a wonderful thing. do i still have the same concerns? yes. but they're not weighing on me like yesterday, not now anyway.

i still desire God, still desire to be a "better" Christian and when i read from ybmt, i get encouraged. freedom in Christ, it doesn't make sense to alot of people. christianity does seem to have a lot of do's and don'ts, but when you really seek Him, you see that the freedom is freedom from all that's wrong in this life. it's freedom from that inner man who wants to do his own thing, who thinks he knows better than God. thinks he can make it on his own. and the funny thing is we can't even breath on our own, yeah we might understand how it is we breath and that oxygen is necessary, but we really have no control over it. but that subject will lead to a tangent, lol so i'll stop there. another encouraging read is say what now?. just discovered him today through ybmt. God is good y'all. (not that anyone is reading this, hopefully in the near future). but if anyone is reading this, God is good, beyond our full understanding, but i challenge anyone to seek Him out. you'll be challenged like never before.

God's Sovereignty

i wonder if God still works with us even when we're struggling. what i mean is romans 8:28-29 says "28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers." but what about when those He's called are struggling? Jesus said that "if you love me you will obey what i command" John 14:7. but what about when you're in a place where obedience is hard for you? meaning that you're losing in the battle against flesh, you try but lose out.

the NIV says that this is when Jesus was promising the Holy Spirit to the
disciples. He makes the statement again in verse 22 - "Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."

so again the question would be, does God still work for the good of those who love Him when it seems like it's a daily struggle to keep your mind clean? are we not relying on the Holy Spirit in that case? is there a concrete way to know when the Holy Spirit is working in you? is it automatic? you accept Christ and recieve the Holy Spirit? i guess these are questions not a question.

these are things that run through my mind. what sux is having the desire to live for God and still stumbling and tripping and falling over yourself. how do you let go and let God?

it's been a tough week spiritually. the wife and kid are away and my motivation just died down. i had a feeling this would happen. i dunno if this happens with other people but sometimes i slip backwards and have to start over again. i don't like that about myself. i'd like to stay focused and not sway. i think a good bible study to go to might help. i know of one on saturday nites, i might check it out. it would be tough to do though. with our schedules it might not work. i'll have to check and see if there are any online where people meet on a regular basis.

but i haven't given up, just disappointed in myself. i can see the difference in my thought process when i'm not really in the Word. for me it seems to be something that should be done on a daily basis or at least on a regular basis during the week. a good few hours spent reading the bible and getting to know God and understand His nature. from all the reading i've been doing i can see that there's so much to be learned from the bible. hopefully i'll get back on track soon.

strugglin

i'm strugglin today. we're supposed to love God with our whole being. how do you do that? i see so many people write about loving God with their heart, mind, body and soul. does that mean they don't disobey? does that mean they don't struggle with disobedience? a friend told me that if you hate what you do, as in your disobedience, you're on the right track. well i do hate when i mess up, but i hate it more when i know i'm gonna mess up and part of that is due to temptation just gnawing away at me. how do you fight yourself? II Corinthian 5:17 says if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. the new has come and the old has gone away. why do i not always feel like the old has gone away. i feel like the old is always in the shadows lurking for an opportunity to come back. its frustrating. is there any one else who has this experience?? so far this blog has been private, so today i think i'll make it public, and see if i get any replies to the question.

i'm goin back to cali, back to cali

i met with my manager yesterday and was informed that i'm heading back to the site i was at previous to this one. bleaahk! much bigger site, office politics and it can be quite the busy site. and stressful. i've changed alot since i worked there. it was just one year ago. i know a year ago, i woulda been heated about the decision to send me back, probably woulda taken it more personal. but God is working in me. so the attitude about alot of things have changed, its pretty amazing and catches me off guard when i notice my reaction to alot of things now. deep down inside i can feel the change of my heart.

the main thing i'm dissapointed with is that i'm not gonna be able to have my "breakfast with the Lord". for the past few months i've been having devotions in the morning at work. for awhile it wasn't every morning then it just turned into an every morning thing. something i really wanted to do. just about every morning i was getting to work hungry by the time i got in, so i'd get my tea and bagel or whatever each morning and do my devotions. sometimes it would turn into a couple of hours of looking up scripture, or reading on a specific topic and reading the scriptures that went along with that topic. i won't be able to do that now. no private office. so i'm gonna miss what i called my breakfast with God...getting fed with His spiritual food.

i'll be in a larger office with three other guys. i don't know one of them, but the other guys are not Christians. i won't be able to play my music like i was before. and the enviroment itself is just not that great. my wife was encouraging and said God will find away for us to continue meeting. i hope so. my response was "its me i don't trust". there'll be different guys there now then when i left, but the language is usually pretty coarse there. and that means i'm gonna be surrounded by alot more worldliness and Jesus's name is only used in profanity. in my office i was able to sit and do searches on Christian music and concentrate more on my relationship with God. sometimes listening to sermons, reading other Christian blogs, online magazines, anything that had to with the Lord, just discovering God. i'm actually feeling very saddened by it at the moment. i'm trusting that this is what He wants. its not permanent, but i need to do my part to make sure i'm not there too long. the sup says it for training purposes and so i can get my certification. we'll see, time will tell.

i'm still very interested in being a personal trainer. we met with some friends the other nite that i used to work with at another company and i brought up that this field wasn't my passion. we talked about what i think i'd like to do and one of them sent me links on getting certified as a personal trainer. i've looked it up before so i kinda knew what i need to do, but it was very sweet
of her. maybe it's time to really consider moving on, i'm just waiting for wifey to finish nursing school and start working before i make that kinda financial commitment. but like i said, we'll see.

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members." - Romans 7:21-23

i'm a Christian who struggles with sin. i personally don't hear too many Christians come right out and say that. i don't see it on too many blogs, not that i've read tons of them, but haven't seen it too much. are there Christians who struggle with sin and know it? who can admit it outloud? i can. i have days that go well and i'm walking with the Lord and trying to live like He wants and want nothing more. then i'll have those days where the inner man wants to do his own thing, and i play "dictator" insteading of playin "host". that is very frustrating. and the thing is, temptation is always right there whispering in my ear. the days of playing "dictator" are less and less, but it's still frustrating. i don't feel as guilt ridden as i used to cuz i know i'm forgiven and i dunno if thats always good. well, i think in my case it probably is, cuz alot of times the guilt is what would help keep me from coming forward and admitting i've sinned. and before you know it, i'm living in sin instead of running from it. weird how guilt works that way. but God had an answer for that, 1 John1:9, and Romans 3:11 reminds me that there is no one perfect. Romans 3:21-25 help me to persevere because i do believe.

i will say this too, since i've been really making an earnest attempt to live a godly life, a spirit filled life, the things that do not fall in line with that have less of an appeal and don't seem to have the same grip as before. i'm starting to have a better understanding of freedom in Christ, but it is a daily struggle. and the main thing is making that true attempt to know God and earnestly seek Him. it sounds like a cookie cutter answer but i do believe that when one does really seek Him through His word, He changes you. His word speaks to your heart.

about noah and the butterflies

that cartoon was funny to me cuz i just finished reading about the flood. i got interested in it because of the title of an album i was looking up and its connection to the bible. but anyway, noah spent just about a year, from one birthday to another birthday on the ark. you could kinda see how someone coulda been a little loopy after spending that much time on an ark. i dunno...it just struck me as funny, i emailed the link to my wife and she laughed out loud too, (i knew she would)

LOL

this made me laugh at loud yesterday!!

feeling a little overwhelmed

i was feeling pretty overwhelmed this morning, and forgetting to bring july's train pass didn't help. thats not like me, but the conductor was nice enough to lend me $10 so i could make it to and from work. i was planning on getting off at the next stop and walking back home since i couldn't get a hold of the wifey. man, taking care of a baby is ALOT OF WORK. much props to all the single moms with children. one is hard enough!! i barely have the energy to get up for work in the morning, much less get things done around the apt. when people tell you that life will never be the same you don't really grasp it until you're there taking care of your child and don't get to do the things you used to and want to do. bad enough i started getting sympathy pains in the form of being very very tired. been tryin to recover ever since. and now that he's here, the mental and emotional drain is heavy. being a first time parent is rough!

i don't get to the gym nearly as much now and that's hard for me cuz once the summer rolls around i'm a beast about going to the gym. and the past two summers i was makin real progress. i don't mind too much, its just hard for me to see that hard work slippin away and i've been working out for years, it's important to me. but all in due time. that's the attitude i have to take and i still get to play basketball about twice a week. i'm grateful for that. for awhile i was only playing once a week and i was starting to put weight on. my appetite didn't chage but i wasn't burning the food off as easily.

anwyay, the other day while talkin to a friend on the train it brought the verse "The last will be first, and the first last" (Matthew 20:16) to mind. i think that what Jesus was saying that on all levels of our lives our attitude should be to put others first. to put our own desires in the background. He also said in verse 26 and 27 "whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave". that was radical to say in those days and i think it's even more radical today. we are all about ourselves. and it's evident in the simplest things like how we drive on the highways. some one driving 80 miles an hour with a car length between him and the car in front of him will more often than not get cut off by someone who just had to get in front of him. so i try to use that verse as a reminder that raising my son and spending quality time with him even in the early early years of his life is important. important to him and important to me, even if i think an hour or two spent at the gym can't do harm this early on in his life. there's a time for everything and i'll get the time to get back in on regular basis when it's time. in the mean time i can do the best i can to work out when the opportunity presents itself.

Music

this past weekend was my first Father's Day!!! to be honest i never thought it would happen, well not never, but i was pretty much beginning to think it was never gonna happen. after 12 yrs of marriage and no children one would start to wonder. but God blessed us with a boy this feburary and here we are. it was a good day. woke up to two nice cards from the wifey, one was from jr to daddy (aawww). got some new aftershave and sports body wash and a book called "God is in the Small Stuff and it all matters." Looks like a very good book and hopefully i'll have the energy to read some on the train on the way home tonight.

i've been listening to alot of music that for me is uplifting. just last year a friend of mine turned me on to The Cross Movement. basically since then i've been searching for more music like that. i didn't even know this genre existed. well i did but, what i heard back in the day was corny. corny beats and flows and the lyrics weren't all that great. now to be fair i only heard a few people and didn't give the genre much of a chance. but at any rate things have changed! i've found quite a few artists on sounclick.com and on the artists websites. i used to spend way too much time surfing the web looking at stuff that it wasn't worth spending all that time looking at. pretty much from then on i started surfing for new music, even if it was new to just me. i used to love hip hop/rap, then around the time public enemy came out, the game done changed. lots of swearing on the albums. and i'm not saying it was public enemy specifically that brought it about, its just thats when i remember noticing it. and i guess i could kinda deal with that, but you could see that rap was gonna be different from then on. as much as i love rap, i couldn't buy too many cd's cuz there was just too much cursing for me.

flash ahead to now and the message is the same in just about all the hotest artist cd's. money, sex, drugs, violence. i know it doesn't seem like it, but isn't there more to life than that? the message by grandmaster flash showed that. public enemy showed that, nwa showed that too. grant it there was alot of violence in their message but they were letting the world know what their world was like, what life was like on their side of the tracks. i loved rap from when it first hit the scene! i could listen to it on the radio but once the message changed, having that kinda music fill my home, nope couldn't do it.

whether or not people want to believe it, music does have a strong influence on the listener. no point in trying to argue that. if anyone doesn't believe that they're denying the truth. yes, its ultimately up to the listener, but some listeners are weak minded. and music videos don't help.
anyway, enuff on that. its hard to find good music and people who even know what good music is nowadays. not just in the rap genre. and speaking of genres, i was listening to music when it was just music, there were no labels on music.

so, being a bit of an old school hip hop head, in the sense of being someone who's listened to it from the days of grand master flash and the furious five, run dmc, ll cool j, krs-1 till today, it was good to find quality Christian rap/Gospel rap/Holy Hip Hop, whatever you wanna call it that in my opinion rivals and outshines the music that is out now. and sometimes i have a short attention span with music in the sense that once i've played the heck out of a cd or a song, i'm ready for the newest joint.

here are some of the artists i'm feelin, and actually the list is growing each day. there is definetly what you'd call a revolution going on, even if its more "underground" now, i don't think it can be ignored for long. and even if it doesn't reach the status of secular music, i believe it's true purpose will be served.

• The Cross Movement
  
• Da T.R.U.T.H.
  
• Flame
• Redeemed Thought
  
• Timothy Brindle and Shai Linne!!
  
• Sev Statik
  
• J-Silas you can preview the Sound Proof cd here sroll down till you see Sound Proof
  
• J'son
  
• This'l
  

there are more, maybe i'll list them later. but their music has touched me and encouraged me in my walk with God. if cats like them can do it...know what i'm sayin? and you can tell they don't spit just to spit, there is a message, a mission behind what they're doing. cuz they could easily get their foot in the secular door, but they choose not to. and i know there are people who wouldn't believe it, but what i've heard from them has helped with my hunger for knowing the Word.
enuff for now!! whew!!

A Relationship...

with God. that is what i'm trying to have. i've been a Christian for a long time and for most of that time i didn't live or behave like a Christian should. i didn't think like one should either. this past summer i had an issue at work that was very upsetting and it brought me back to church and i took it to the altar. a former co-worker brought to my attention that other cows (co-workers) were making racial jokes behind my back. now they weren't picking on me necessarily but it was inapropriate for work. they're equal opportunity haters and think they're pretty funny. it turned into a HR thing and was quickly resolved. but at any rate it got me back in church. sometimes i start to wonder why, but i know i was very upset and surprised by what i found out. i don't think they really meant any harm, but they just act like idiots and don't think. but i brought it to the Lord and at the same time, my heart was aching for a true relationship with Him. i was tired of feeding on "milk" and living and thinking like one who did. i believe i expressed that in my prayer and wouldn't you know...a friend of mine who had helped me thru some other difficulties in the past was at the altar praying with/for me. and we talked about my desire to have a true relationship with God. we talked about meeting on a regular basis and it actually happened. alot has happened since then and its hard to deny that God didn't have His hands in it. so that's where i am now. this blog is a place for me to kinda journal about seeking that relationship. at times i'm very frustated and feel like this. its a process and something i finished reading yesterday was encouraging. but i know there'll be times when i'll be frustrated and it will be more with myself than anything. this blog is a big step for me. putting these kinds of feelings out in a public forum. but i think i wanna "meet" others who share in the struggle.

"God, i say you're the greatest light of my life
the cross, the greatest sight of my life
when i believed, the greatest night of my life
since then, its the greatest fight of my life, to get at You" - the cross movement.

that's how it feels sometimes. but i do believe it's true that the more you earnestly seek Him out, you will find Him, and you do feel closer and more like you're doing what He wants. i could go on but i'll stop here. cuz i can be pretty long winded at times.

right now i'm very frustrated with the fact that it appears my host doesn't support php. and even with the html version of radioblog i still can't get it to work. hopefully i can work something out. i have a friend who may be willing to host this blog on his server, we'll see. but i'm gonna hunt for some free hosting in the meantime. arrrgghh.

Someone's at the door

i think this is a great cartoon and i'm gonna comment on it later. i'm still tweaking the page a little. this is a new template and i'm seeing what i want to change.

another injury...arrggghhh!!

so saturday i pulled a calf muscle playin bball. if you'd call it playing, i ran up the court once, trotted really and trotted back down the court and went to make a sharp move i guess and felt something pop. i dunno if it was as bad as a pop, but i knew something was wrong right away and i stopped. i'm still getting over the hamstring pull i got back in nov i believe. its better but i'm sure its not 100%. the hamstring i can understand. i over did it in the gym then pushed it by playing ball the next morning. the calf, i don't get it. didn't feel anything all week. the previous week i played and had no problems. stayed and shot around for about an hour or so after and felt a little something but was able to still shoot around. didn't feel any pain. this saturday i didn't feel anything when i stretched and when i shot the ball around. i wasn't even going anywhere near full speed. the injuries are getting to be depressing. i walked the treadmill for an hour the 2 days before and didn't feel any discomfort with my calf. i'm trying to shed some unwanted fat and bball and walking were gonna be the preferred method and now i'm injured again. the calf feels pretty good today. i iced it on saturday and took something to bring down any swelling that might be going on inside. its not sensitive to the touch and by today i'm walking without really noticing that i have the injury. so i'm hoping that from being in decent shape, this will heal quickly. i'm gonna give it 2 weeks before trying to run again. and i guess for now i'll just walk on the treadmill. with the injury and being so tired from the baby's hours, the motivation to get to the gym is low. but i can still work other body parts and in the meantime. hopefully we'll get back to some kind of a schedule soon. i'm beat by the end of the day, more than ever. its about time to pack up and catch my train. later.

things that make you go hmmmm...

i have tons on mind. tons!! alot of it has alot to do with some of the stress that is going on in my life right now. it doesn't feel like it at the moment, but even up to this morning i didn't know how much more i could deal with and was very frustrated with how things are going. but later for the details on those things.
something that made me go hmmm yesterday was...why do churches fill up on Easter? i can kinda understand Christmas, (well actually not really) but Easter?? Easter is the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus. its not about the Easter bunny or anything like that. and i guess the reason i ask is why wait till Easter to go to church if you're a believer. or if you're a non believer, why would Easter draw you into a church? or why would it take Easter to get you to go to church if you're a "practicing" Christian who doesn't go to church regularly? i dunno if i'm wording this right but i just find it odd that so many people go to church on Easter. i know its more than getting a nice new dress or suit. and unlike Christmas, the Easter bunny is not like Santa Claus. the Easter bunny is not enough to cloud what Easter is really about. so people know why they're going to church and what they're going for. there isn't all the holiday hype like Christmas. and i guess it makes me go hmmmm because of the world we live in today. from what i see, God is being pushed out of everything and just not being taken as seriously as in the past. so to see church parking lots filled on Easter sunday, and especially considering what Easter represents, and the state of the world today, it makes me go hmmmmm.

...been awhile...

haven't paid much attention to this blog. life has been real busy. we have a new addition and things have been hectic. i've tried making some changes since my last post and hopefully i'll feel open enough to write about them here. changes meaning changing how i handle life. but again, i'm gonna try and stick with this. i need to have some consistency in my life. maybe this will be a way of working toward that or just a way for me to vent frustrations and voice my thoughts.