sunday morning scare

so the b-day was pretty quiet. just me and my son hanging out, watchin tv, and sleeping. the next morning on the other hand was a little more eventful than i would have liked. i woke up the next morning and saw that my wife hadn't gotten home from work yet and knew that traffic on a sunday morning is light so she shoulda been home. i waited a few more minutes and checked the vm and found that she left me a message letting me know that she worked her first shift, but spent the rest of the night in the emergency room. she's diabetic and started not feeling so hot around 12 am and sure enough her blood surgar was high. the doc asked her what was going on and after she told me about some of the things she was dealing with, he told her that her blood surgar was high due to stress. so i called the emergency room to talk to her and they were no help. even after telling them she works as a nurse's aid there, they didn't know what was going on. fortunately she called right after i hung up and told me she was leaving and would be home soon.

i went back to bed and dozed off for a few and i look at the clock and see that she's not home when she should be, it should take her about a half hour to get home. now it's getting to be 40 minutes, then 50 minutes and i'm getting really concerned, especially since she hasn't called again. we've been having some car problems so i was hoping that it was a problem with the car, not her diabetes. i brought my son downstairs to feed him and she's still not home and now my mind is racing and i'm fearing the worst.

i think i planted the seed by thinking about how my mother passed away two days before my 18th birthday and hoping that something like that isn't about to happen the day after my birthday this year. by now i'm scared to call the hospital to see what's going on but it's been over an hour and she would've been coming right home, so the conern level is high. i prayed that everything was ok, but i know the reality of life and death. when my mother passed away, it was a shock. she had asthma and had been to the hospital before but she always came home. when they took her that day, i prayed and thought for sure she'd be home. she always recovered. but i believe she passed away in our home. she was going to work and came back home having trouble with her breathing, and she passed out on the floor and wasn't responsive. they emt's tried to bring her back, they did mouth to mouth and even used the paddles, but she didn't respond. my sister and my brother were home and we still hoped but by the time we got to the hospital, which was only about 5-10 mins later she was gone. so i know now that some things are meant to be, no matter what the prayer.

my wife did make it home, she ran over a pothole the night before with the donut we have on the car and that was the end of that donut. she didn't know that the tire was leaking air till the next morning and she drove on it until she realized what was going on. we didn't have another spare and she didn't have a cell phone. she was able to get the manager from a dunkin donuts that she pulled into to call a tow truck and got towed home. she came in right as i decided i had to get up and call the hospital. thankfully that prayer was answered.

next week

hopefully next week i'll have time to comment on what i thought about the movie The Chronicles of Narnia, Lion, the Witch and Wardrobe. i've also been having a hard time with my thoughts on the homeless that i see around the city and this verse

Matthew 25:35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in.

you say it's your birtday da da da da da da

remember that scene from sixteen candles? lol....funny movie. anyway tomorrow is my birthday and nothing big is planned. i usually keep that day pretty low key anyway. funds are extremlely low this year so a card will probably be the extent of any gifts i might get. its funny though, i'm usually pretty amped for my birthday and this year i've hardly had time to think about it, or it doesn't "feel" like my birthday is right around the corner. it's cool though, i'll get a call from my sister wishing me a happy birthday and maybe an email from one of my long time friends. i've actually known him since the 7th or 8th grade. tomorrow is also a basketball day so i'm glad i'll get to play some ball, maybe even work out later in the day and possibly treat myself to a cd or two. there are quite a bit of cd's i wanna get. i know there's a good chance the Christian bookstore i go to will have Rewind, Flame's latest cd. i usually get my Cross Movement cd's from this store and he's on their label. i also wanna order "Killing Sin" by Timothy Brindle over at Lampmode Recordings . I actually want to get his first joint, "The Great Awakening" and of course i want Shai Linne's cd "The Solus Christus Project". all in due time. hopefully my money situation will improve before they run out of cds. although i've seen it for sale at other sites. all of the cd's have gotten great reviews and i've heard other songs from these artists. i love their music, lyrical content and the way they preach the gospel through their music with no fear. from the one review i read and other reviews people have given about timothy's killing sin album, he goes right at the sin that we as christians have in our lives and how it is something we have to deal with, read here: Killing Sin.
slowly but surely i'm changing my collection of music. i also hope to start getting some rhythm and praise, some gospel and contemporary stuff, so i can have a wide variety of Christ-centered music. ok, back to work.

the struggle with sin

"In my reading, I printed out an article by Greg Herrick, which summarizes John Owen's "On the Mortification of Sin." Owen does a study of Romans 7:21 and it is very in-depth into the struggle between the natures within us. As I was reading through the summary, Herrick made what I thought was an excellent analogy to understand the power of the "laws" of sin. He says that there is a difference between knowing about sin, which comes from external instruction, and knowing sin, which stems from experience within the struggle. This is similar to the old adage that it's one thing to know about Jesus, but it's another thing to know Him...."

you can read the rest of this post over at contemplative thoughts. a very good read and i've come across some other really good posts on this site.

something else....

i grabbed from contemplative thoughts was a link to this hehe...hmmmm...thats what some of us want to "dilute" God down to.

i fought time and time won

i tried going to church this past sunday but wifey worked a double on saturday and me and jr had to be up by 6 am to pick her from work. came home and he was ready to go back to sleep and by the time he woke up, it gave us an hour to get ready. it just didn't work out. trying to feed a 10 month old, eat, shower, shave, dress him and myself in an hour was not happening. even though i had his clothes laid out and made my breakfast while getting his food ready. he was not co-operating with being fed and that just slowed me down. i got frustrated and wasn't sure about going with that attitude. i got as far as feeding him, eating, and shaving but time ran out and we woulda been real late. i still had to get bottles ready for him, dress him, shower and get dressed. and dress him which can be an adventure. i was pretty disappointed and that turned into anger. he was pretty busy that day and wore me out by the evening. wifey slept till about 5 and i was in need of a nap by then, which i took not long after she got up. (didn't sleep well during the week and was recovering from a pretty nasty cold.) maybe things will go better this weekend. we'll see, she's probably working a double again this weekend though.

you can't touch this

8 Now the LORD God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. 9 And the LORD God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

15 The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." - Genesis 1:8-9, 15-17

i knew that having a child would open my eyes to some things about God and his love for us and the other day my eyes were opened to something i had a hard time understanding.

my son is almost 11 months old now and very very active. he's in exploring mode and wants to touch everything, but he's smart enough to understand what the word "no" means when we don't want him to touch something. yesterday i had a bowl of soup and put in on the table next to me, just barely out of his reach and if he stretched enough he could pull the mat i put it on and pull it towards him. and sure enough he tried to touch it and i told him no. i had to tell him a few times and he still reached for it even after getting a smack on the hand a few times. nothing that stings, but just enough that he gets the idea. anyway it got me to thinking about how i couldn't understand why God would put the tree of knowledge of good and evil in the middle of the garden and told adam and eve that was the one tree that they couldn't eat from. my thought was that He knew that they would want to and more than likely would end up eating from it. now i'm not saying adam and eve had the mentality of 11 month olds but yesterday it kind of hit me that when i say no to my son i expect him to obey. and when he doesn't do what i say it gets a little frustrating. i put the bowl there knowing he would reach for it but figured by telling him no he'd leave it alone. some times i can tell him no and he just moves on to the next thing, so i know he understands.

my point is that God wanted adam and eve to obey Him. was He testing them? i don't think so, not with such consequences. but i guess the one thing that i understand better is that it's obedience He wanted in that scenario. do i still understand why He put the tree there in the middle of the garden at all knowing what would happen? nope. but i guess it doesn't matter why He put it there, but what he expected.

consistency

well my new friend told me she has definetly been blessed by the music i passed on to her. i'm very glad to hear that. i'm pretty serious about my cd's when i make them. there's usually a theme or a message behind the music i put together. or it's geared toward's the person i'm making the cd for. i made a second cd for her and she really enjoys that one also and it got her excited about her faith. music is so powerful and i don't think people truly understand that sometimes. my mother said that when she passed she hoped her portion of heaven would be filled with music, she loved music. she passed that love on to us. other than a few emails i've kept my distance. its best that way, especially with single women who are looking for a good man. i could just see and get that vibe that it was the best thing to do. and i think she knows that too.

haven't been to church in a minute and i'm missing the community. also missing the lessons learned and hearing God's word. i've been slack in all aspects of my relationship with God lately. work's got me down. but the desire is still there. i just have to make the time. no excuses here tho, it is what it is. its difficult at times when you don't have anyone to share your excitement for the Word with. or to throw questions at. my wife and i share, but we're at different levels. although i think i'm gonna suggest us doing devotions together. even just one night a week. we need it i'm sure.

i also think i've found out something about myself that i struggle with. its something i've noticed before but its really come to light lately. i find something i'm interested in and i get into it in a real DEEP way then fall off of it. i'm trying not to do that with my relationship with God. lately i've been into bodybuilding. its something i've always been into and i used to have CRATES of bodybuilding magazines. but with the advant of the internet and more and more people using it, i can go on and find tons of info. and as i've matured i've come to understanding that its not just lifting weights, but its nutrition also and that nutrition is the key really. the amount of info on nutriton and exercises and routines is mind boggling. understanding how the body handles food and then breaking those foods down to their macronutrients, understanding how to use proteins, carbs and fats to your advantage. let's not forget calories, your bmi, bmr and on and on. but my point is that's been my "obsession" lateley. its something i want to do and have since i was like 8-10 yrs old and now i'm pursuing it. but i'd get into something else, like basketball and wouldn't hit the gym for months.

i did the same thing when i started reading blogs. i wanted to create one and spent hours looking at and learning how to create templates, tweak templates and make templates look the way i wanted. for awhile i was the same with God. reading the bible, reading about the bible, reading discussions about different aspects of the Christian walk. i was listening to messages, researching, studying, having discussions with others and living the life. now that i've gotten so into bodybuilding, i haven't been so into blogging or reading my bible. i need to find a good balance. i don't feel like i've just dropped God. i still pray, i still do devotions, just not with fervor i was at before. again, i just need to find a good balance. hopefully me and the wife will find a good day for us to have devotions together and stick to it, we'll get back to going to church on a more regular basis and i can get back on track with my relationship with God.

how do you do it? how does one stay consistent with their relationship with God? sometimes it seems like so many other people are doing it. when i first became a Christian i wanted God to speak with an audible voice to me. i was "jealous" of those in the bible He spoke to. i couldn't understand why He still doesn't do that. i wonder if that would make being consistent with Him easier. we have relationships with friends and family and when we wonder how they're doing we can call or write or send a message somehow to find out. when we pray to God we don't hear that definite audible answer. now i'm not trying to be someone who requires a miracle to believe, just wondering how to keep up with Him. maybe i'm babbling, but i know what i mean. i'm just looking for something deeper than i feel have right now. eh...gotta get back to work. more later...how much later i dunno...lol.