why am i so hard on myself

i wonder why i'm so hard on myself. i really don't know. its hard being you're own toughest critic and your own worst enemy. i spend alot of energy fighting off the worst enemy and when i fail, my toughest critic comes in and tells me all about the failure. but i do wonder why i am that way.

killing sin is in

my copy of "killing sin" came in the mail on wednesday! i've been listening to it since then. i really got to listen to it yesterday, what a great cd. i think i'm gonna order one for a friend of mine, i think he'd enjoy this cd. there's some meat on this cd and i'm sure he'd appreciate hearing what tim has to say. like the reviews i've read, there is not one song that i'd skip over. all the tracks have tight beats and the lyrics are crazy! i'm really feeling "the battle", "sacrifice of worship", (ackdavis and evangel kill it on this track...ackdavis...whoa, i would love to hear him on an album of his own), "power of the Holy Spirit", "step into the light", "temptation", really, all of the songs on this cd are hot, this cd will get alot of play in my mp3 player. timothy is very blunt about the subject of sin in the lives of christians and the importance of not willfully continuing in living a sinful life. much appreciated. here's a review of the album, a much better review than i could give.

its been a short week, but a tough week for me. this job just wears on me. we had a migration from one mail program to another and of course it didn't go well, lots of different problems. also, i'm tired of being told to smile. i don't know anyone that walks around with a constant smile on their face. earlier this week i was standing at the elevator and just as it opened, someone comes around the corner and gets on with me. she says "you're not smiling". i laugh and say "so you're telling me i should be standing at the elevator with a smile on my face for no reason?" (if i was she'd be thinking "what's up with this guy?"). she says "ok, i'll behave". i'm beginning to think i must be the most serious, intense looking person people have ever seen. later that day a woman who's pc i was working on started talking about me, not knowing i was in the cube right next to her. saying how i have no sense of humor and how i look angry, some garbage like that. she went to say maybe it was cuz when i come into their area everyone is always asking for something to get fixed. i didn't say a word. but it wasn't a fair statement since she doesn't know me. and the funny thing is about 2 minutes after she said that, two different people came in and saw me and were like "hey, how are you?". you know, we exchanged pleasantries. she was embarrased cuz she had no idea i was right there, and i've could've easily turned and said "you don't even know me, and as for the sense of humor comment, did you say something funny? or should i just be laughing for no reason?". i thought it was better to stay professional and not say a word. now she's trying to kiss up to me and be especially nice, cuz she's unsure of whether or not i heard her. and her co-workers knew i was right there, and she and them were whispering about her blunder, right in front of me!! i hate people some times. sad, but true. i do have a wall up and she is an example of why, cuz people sooner or later show their true colors, and i'd rather feel them out for awhile before i let them in. well, i was able to resolve everyone else's issue except hers, it appears to be a server problem and the server team deals with that. serves her right, as mom used to say

so sweet

Verse 1:
As I look at the life of Jesus and compare my life to Jesus’ I fall short though I know that I would like to please Him as my reasonable service and worship Him with my whole heart and I think I speak for all believers when I say we need Jesus to lead us or we will fall apart

cause ever since Adam fell from eating fruit from the tree our deeds have been evil that’s why we love the dark and great men throughout Biblical history officially can see we are sinners and need a new start and if your fire is dwindling and you need a rekindling get rid of what's hindering and get this new spark

I thank the Father for Jesus He didn’t leave us as heathens He made us His sheep and placed in us a new heart now we’re just simply receiving and believing what He’s achieving and achieved that evening bleeding there upon the cross

Hook:
He’s so sweet the way He loves me and holds me so closely and toasty He’ll never let me go and so I gotta serve Him give Him the props deserved live life by His word and He’s so sweet He gives me favor and flavor taste of my Savior a taste that should savored fo sho I gotta love Him and trust Him live my life for Him He’s so sweet

Verse 2:
And I can even hear them angels rejoice in that angelic voice when the prodigal son returned to the father’s house it’s so amazin’ it make me picture the Father’s love for the lost now nothin’ but praises are comin’ out my mouth

look at this life and begin to forsake it and chase after His heart like David after salvation without a doubt cause the only escape from the sin nature is the sacredness of salvation just start takin’ the narrow route

this opportunity is in unity with the tri-unity of His nature for you indeed just to holler out I see my sin and I need a Savior to take me away from myself to begin to mold and shape me at the Potter’s house begin to make me like Jesus and then I’ll take it and preach it to nations and regions from New York to down South and all places between because Your grace intervenes now You takin’ me makin’ me clean and I gotta shout

Hook

Verse 3:
Now there’s no way we can ever measure the pleasure that You have to give us the treasure to be able to call You Dad now what a blessing to be in heaven forever giving you reverence knowin’ that we were born dead

in our condition before we were Christians was that of a resistant ignorant citizen I’m meaning really bad but because we are wicked in desperate need of repentance see death should be the sentence and feelin’ the Father’s wrath but

You showed us your grace by sending Your Son in our place now it’s Your warm embrace in which we know we have You said You’d never would leave us You said You’d never forsake us see grace and faith is a gift so that way no man could brag so now I’m thankin’ the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit I’m hopin’ the Holy Spirit would open you so you hear it and I’m hopin’ you notice that there are hope in these lyrics just follow the scriptures for wisdom and you will be glad

Flame

Rewind Review

once again, cmr did not disappoint. i have been listening to Rewind from Flame for a few days now and i'm really diggin this cd. i still need to listen to it some more, but i'm really diggin' the music and the lyrics. i like his style, he just comes with it. on this album he talks about racial diversity in the church and how part of a church's description shouldn't be "white church" or "black church" but Christ's church. he also talks to those who struggle with depression and/ or mental illness on "war of the minds". i think thats the first time i've heard a song about that. on "to my heart", he talks about how our hearts/minds can lead us astray. other subjects are the Bible being the final authority plus the sole infallible rule of faith for which we base the church. other hot joints are "break bread","so sweet", "give us the truth", "the Godhead"is another tight joint about the Trinity and, "the cross movement" is nice tribute to the group cross movement. i wasn't sure how i felt about this cd at first, but after listening to it a few more times, i know it'll be a cd that gets alot of play in my mp3 player, and in the car. and i'm sure it'll be a part of some personal mix cd i'll make in the future. still waiting on timothy brindle's joint "killing sin"!! i've been busy enough with other stuff that i forgot its on its way, but i'm excited, i'm sure i won't be disappointed.

Love God or Fear Him?

I copied this from Intervarsity Press. it was today's "hard saying of the day" from their hard saying of the day page and i thought it was a good, short, explaination of what the bible means when it says we are to fear the Lord.
(i hope i'm not infringing on any copyright laws, but the page is updated daily and i don't think i could find a way to keep the link for today's up for awhile.)

Proverbs 1:7: The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

Love God or Fear Him?
"Wouldn't it be better if the author just said that we are to love God rather than commending our fear of him? Why is fearing God mentioned so frequently in the Bible? The phrase is used so frequently that cross-referencing all the instances here has been avoided in the interests of space."

"The term to fear can describe everything from dread (Deut 1:29) or being terrified (Jon 1:10) to standing in awe (1 Kings 3:28) and having reverence (Lev 19:3). When used of the Lord, it encapsulates both aspects of the term, a shrinking back in recognition of the difference or holiness of God and the drawing close in awe and worship. To fear the Lord is not to experience a dread that paralyzes all action, but neither is it just a polite respect. It is an attitude of both reluctance and adoration that results in a willingness to do what God says. The fear of the Lord, then, is absolutely necessary if we are even to begin on the right foot in learning, living or worshiping."

"The problem with saying that loving God is enough is that this informs us as to what the proper emotion should be, but it says nothing, in and of itself, as to what we should do about expressing that love. It also leaves the important aspect of the holiness and difference of God's nature and character untouched and without a response."

"But with the fear of the Lord there is a foundation for wisdom, discipline, learning and life. It expresses itself in a hatred of evil (Prov 8:13) and demonstrates its presence by its willingness to be obedient (Gen 22:12)."

wow!!!

i just noticed that the url for my blog is "http://aworkingprogress.com" when i wanted it to be "http://aworkinprogress.com". see what happens when you're not paying attention?!! i tried typing it as "http://aworkingprogress.com" and kept getting another blog, and i was like....hmmm...must've been a typo. then i'd end up logging in through blogger and getting to the page and still not catch the error. well i caught it today and i think the only way to get it changed is to see if blogger admins will since the other blog hasn't been updated in close to 4yrs. oh well.

zoom zoom

i know how this guy feels. i dunno if having a small apt is better than having a larger one but i am constantly picking up toys, and with a such a small area to work with, it feels like it's back to being a mess in 2 minutes. but no complaints here, i'm loving fatherhood and my son is alot of fun and very entertaining.
in other news, we were able get a new car this weekend. hooraay!!! now the wife can feel safe again in the car and be a little more at ease when driving. we weren't able to bring it home saturday, so we'll be picking it up on wednesday. we're both pretty excited. although this is a pic of a 2004 model, this is what it looks like.



i'm very happy to say that we've been very attentive to how we're handling our money. we got our tax returns and have caught up on all of our bills, and we've been keeping track of everything we've spent. and we've for the most part, purchased things we needed. it feels real good, and hopefully things won't get as bad as they were and we'll continue on this road.

and in other news....i ate horribly this weekend. don't think i ate enough ( i usually eat 6 times a day, if not more) and i ate alot of junk. i had some mcdonald's, twice in one weekend, which is not like me normally. i also had some ice cream, some cup cakes, a bag of potato chips!!! when i look at it, it's not that bad, and i don't eat like that everyday. but i usually try and limit how much of that stuff i eat even on the weekend, but i was just in the mood for it. funny though, i can immeadiatly see the effects of eating like that, and i don't like it!! LOL!! i shouldn't have too much trouble burning it off this week. and another thing i'm excited about was stocking up on some supplements. i got some BCAA'S (branched chained amino acids), agrinine, some more glutamine, some more creatine, multivitamins and a nice big tub o' protein powder. the supplements have helped a great deal and i can't wait to see how much more the bcaa's and arginine help. i'm definetly not as sore the next day(s) from workouts and i'm getting stronger. i'd say i'm pretty pleased, just gotta time it right so that i can shed some fat i've gained by the time summer rolls around. although i'm not one to walk around without my shirt off anyway. i'll post on the progress in a few weeks i guess.

old leaves

today's devotions from our daily bread and back to the bible were excellent. the devotion for our daily bread talks about how the leaves on oak trees retain their leaves through the winter while other trees lose theirs, even through early parts of spring, the oak keeps some of it's leaves. eventually those old leaves are replaced with new buds.

"At times, old habits cling to our lives with the same tenacity as those oak leaves. Even the winds of adversity do not remove all the lifeless leftovers of our fallen human nature.
"But Christ, who dwells in our hearts by the Holy Spirit, is at work. His life within us continually seeks to push off the old habits—renewing us when we confess our sins, steadying us when we falter, and strengthening us to do His will."

it goes on to talk about thanking God for His Spirit that lives in us when all attempts to cast off old sinful habits ends in failure. "Keep saying yes to His gentle urging to be kind, loving, compassionate, honest, and faithful. Those "lifeless old leaves" will eventually drop off."

for me, that was encouraging. i don't know if it's just me beating myself up, but i have some "old leaves" that hang on and hang on and hang on and it can be quite discouraging.

also take a look at today's back to the bible devotion. i like this line from today's devotion - "Watch your every step. Stay close to Christ. When your step is away, make sure the next one is back toward Jesus."

the man in the mirror? who?

22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

are we all guilty of this? i know i feel like i am. james goes on to say "25 But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does."

the battle we have with our flesh is such a tough one. i know some would say that the battle has been won. "greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world". its tough man, i always seem to get in the way. last year i started learning some memory verses and i even downloaded some software that helps you keep track of the verses you're learning and helps you memorize them. the software is called Lamp Light and its simple to use and definetly works.

one of the verses i came upon and decided to memorize is - 8 "Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful" - Joshua 1:8.
when i read james 1:22-26, i was reminded of joshua 1:8. today's devotion at our daily bread also spoke on the responsibility we have as christians to use the resources we have available. "We have the Word of truth and the help of the Holy Spirit. We have no excuse for groveling in the dirt of sin when the power of God is at our disposal." arrghh...i get upset when i see that cuz i know i could be leaning on Him more than i do.

hoorah!

just ordered killing sin by timothy brindle over at lampode records! i've heard snippets from this cd and i like what i heard, and from the reviews i've read people loved it. its supposed to arrive in 1-2 weeks. i'm still reviewing flame's cd, but i like what i'm hearing so far. the beats are not just mid-west so that's cool, but i'm more interested in what he has to say on this follow up cd to his self-titled debut album flame which was an excellent cd. my sister liked that cd alot when i let her listen to it. when i get my latest purchase and have a good listen i'll post a review (maybe).

in other news, we got our taxes filed and got our money and we have caught up and paid in full on all our bills. it feels surreal, especially since we've been struggling so long. i told my wife it'll feel real when i get our next round of bills and they're not outstanding. also, looks like we may be getting a new car as soon as this weekend. she took the car to the shop to get an estimate on how much repairs will cost and they basically told her we're better off getting a new car due to the amount of work this one needs and how much it'll cost. we should be in good shape cuz i have good credit with the company i lease my car through and this car woulda been paid off by june. hopefully we'll find something decent. we got this last car at a good deal and i've yet to see another one like it. it is a 2000 mazda protege, with a sun roof, leather seats, and it has a cd player. i've seen plenty of protege's but not with a sunroof and cd player and mine has gold lettering. anyway, it has served its purpose and up to date it was the nicest car i've owned. time to move on!!

experiencing freedom

i started doing an online bible study on Galations from Back to the Bible. i'd like my 1-2 readers to pray that i stay with it.

"This study, which covers the entire book of Galatians, will help you see the bondage of man's sinful nature and explain the freedom provided by Christ Jesus—a freedom that will satisfy, when nothing else does. It is an in-depth exploration of the freedom we as believers experience daily and how the conflicts of the church in Galatia can instruct us to live in the freedom of Christ."

The six lessons include:

The Power of Grace
Freedom from Traditions
The Preeminence of the Promise
Children of the Promise
Liberty in Christ
Limits of Freedom

i've been wanting to do some kind of bible study for a while now. i can do this one during my lunch. i printed it out since it has exams at the end of each lessaon. I completed lesson 1 today and i'd like to complete the whole thing. right now the plan is to do them during my lunch. my hope is that by reading on the freedom we have in Christ, i can learn how to live in that freedom. i want to live a life that is pleasing to Him and experience His freedom. i don't know what else to say on the topic, just that i wanna stay in the Word and keep learning of Him.

bodybuilding

the bodybuilding thang is going well. i'm seeing alot of progress which of course i'm very happy about. i've been working consistently for the past 6 1/2 months, and the intensity level has been at high. the workouts usually last 90 mins and i'm pretty spent by the end of the workouts. i'm very curious to see how i look after a full year. i've already "outgrown" some t-shirts i have. and these are shirts i was wearing back in college that still fit up until recently. i'm excited, i've been blessed with a body that responds well to lifting weights. the body is amazing though, one look at one part of the body and i ask myself how is it that there are people who don't believe in God.

it is hard to stay disciplined sometimes. i have a sweet tooth and sometimes the sweet tooth wins out . but all in all its going well. i get a lot of information from bodybuilding.com. i've been doing pretty good with the nutrition part of it which is a huge component. i've been eating "clean" during the week, then "cheat" on weekends. i think i'm ok as long as i'm still getting bball in at least once a week. that's the cardio that burns off the "cheat" foods i eat. i.e. hostess cupcakes.....yummy!! rest is my biggest problem, then calories. to put on the lean body mass i want to, i need to consume alot of calories and i think i'm just getting enough to put on some muscle but not enough to put on alot of mass. which isn't necessarily bad, cuz with all those calories comes some fat and i'm not too keen on putting the putting fat on part. i get a hint of love handles and i lose my mind! and i just need to try and get more sleep. i will grow quicker with more rest.

the supplements i'm taking are helping out tremendously though. now i can see why people can get into steriods. steriods and supplements are much different, but the supplements i take really do help with recovery. steriods are just a whole 'nother level i don't want to go to. but right now i'm taking creatine, glutamine and protein shakes. creatine helps with the pump, glutamine is used up by the body when you lift heavy weights so i take that to replenish. it also helps with the immune system and recovery. there are soooo many other functions that glutamine covers, so supplementing with that is key. i also take some amino acids and multivitamins. all of these supps are the building blocks of muscle. i have done and continue to do my research on supps and so far those that i mentioned are the only ones i'll get into taking for now. whole foods are the best source for alot of the macronutrients that are needed for bodybuilding. i've learned so much reading up on nutrition in relation to bodybuilding, and i know i've just "scratched the surface"....ugh...can't believe i just used that phrase. lol. anyway, i've been a blogging fool today. felt good though. maybe there'll be more tomorrow.

Rewind

i pickeup Flames' latest cd, Rewind yesterday. i got to listen to it but not really really listen like i like to, had the kid in tow with me. so far, from what i did hear it sounds like a cd i will enjoy. he's from the midwest so the only thing i may not get into too much are the md-west beats. i'm an east coast kat and i love my east coast beats. maybe i'll post a small review on the cd when after i've really sat down and listened to it.

i spent most of yesterday running around paying bills and doin some other errands. while i was out, i stopped at Heritage House, the local christian book store and picked it up and looked around for a new Bible. i found the one i was hoping to find. its compact, niv and a study bible. this will be the one i'll mark up and write in. i have some other bibles, but one is a gift i can't bring myself to write in and the other is life application study bible , (also a gift) but it is way too big to be carting back and forth in my backpack everyday. i have a $10 coupon for anything i buy at my next purchase and there is 10% of the original price also. so i could end up spending about $26-$28 total, now thats a sweet deal. the more i think about it the more i'm getting excited about it. maybe in the near future i'll pick up some commentaries. they have tons of books there, but i don't wanna overwhelm myself. i'm reading Mere Christianity and its a tough read. it's tough in the sense that its written similar to how someone would speak in a conversation, so i have to read some lines 3 times to have a better understanding of what i read. my next book would be The Screwtape Letters. for some reason i'm a little nervous about that one. i gotta get through Mere Christianity first, that's especially hard coming home from work, i'm usually dozing off by the time i ride home in the evenings.

The Rich Man and Lazarus

The Rich Man and Lazarus

19"There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. 20At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores 21and longing to eat what fell from the rich man's table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores.
22"The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham's side. The rich man also died and was buried. 23In hell,[a] where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. 24So he called to him, 'Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.'

25"But Abraham replied, 'Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. 26And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.'

27"He answered, 'Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father's house, 28for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.'

29"Abraham replied, 'They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.'

30" 'No, father Abraham,' he said, 'but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.'

31"He said to him, 'If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.' " - Luke 16:19-31

His Return

its kinda interesting that both of the devotionals i read this morning were about Christ's return, one was at Our Daily Bread, and the other at Back to the Bible. the message of both was really about living today as if He's returning tomorrow. we really don't know when He'll return and its kinda scary to think that when the flood came during noah's time, everybody was chillin', goin' about life without any idea of what was about to happen and then everything changed. imagine you're on the beach with your family or just driving down the highway and people start disappearing. according to Jesus's description, that's what it'll be like. so like a more secular saying goes, we should live today like there's no tomorrow. as christians we should live a life that's pleasing to God today, so if His Son comes tomorrow, we're ready to be with Him. Matt. 24:29-51

just pray

so i'm rushing out of the apt this morning, which is pretty much the norm every morning, although i was real good last week and probably only had to rush out once. but i digress. anyway, as i'm getting my coat on i realize i don't know where my skull cap is. the one i usually wear is black and has the words "And 1" in white on the front which is a basketball term. technically it means score the basket and a foul has been called. i couldn't find it cuz i wore it on friday and it was pouring out and the hat got soaked and i put it somewhere in the apt to dry. but we got a small couch over the weekend so the apt got turned upside down a little, (we got the couch last minute at about 1 am). so i grab my other skull cap which is brown and happens to match nicely with what i'm wearing today. oh yeah, and it says, "Just Pray" in small white letters going across the front, maybe i'll take a pic of it and post it since i can't find a pic of it anywhere on the net. i got it at walmart of all places. i've had this hat for about two years and never really got any comments from other people about it. maybe a "i like your hat" once or twice or just looks like, "does that hat say what i think it says???". i think people give that look cuz at first they think it say "Just Do It", like the old nike slogan.

well when i went to get some lunch at quiznos the guy at the register asked me if i pray everyday. and my answer was that i try. and he replied "what's to try?, you gotta stay committed to it". i told him some times you don't feel worthy if maybe you've had a bad day or something. he said something to the effect of "you just gotta keep praying and it doesn't always have to be about the same thing". i just thought the exchange was cool. things like that make me say to myself that this life is a funny thing. also, judging the book by the cover, i woulda never expected to hear that from him. he just looks like a dude from da hood working at quiznos, and like prayer is low on the priority list. oops, gotta remember to stop judging based on appearances. i do need to make prayer a daily thing, even if i don't feel like it or if i feel like God doesn't want to hear from me. thanks for the reminder Lord.

monday morning blues

i don't feel like doing any work today. i feel like surfing the net and reading blogs all day. we got our taxes done yesterday and we finally have some money to work with!! whew!!! we've got some major bill payments to make and some repairs that are long over due for the car. that should eat up most of the money but it'll get us caught up. ahhh what a relief!!! hopefully i'll be back online at home soon too. although i don't know how excited i am about that. having it at home can be a stumbling block. anyway, i'm really not in the mood for work today. i'm glad i have tomorrow off, didn't get much sleep again last night, although i did doze in and out for most of the superbowl. it just wasn't that exciting of a game and i could tell the steelers were gonna win, that wine i drank probably didn't help. didn't know it was that strong! hehe. ok, got some work to do, then i might be back to post some more.

too busy this week

i've been too busy at work this week to post. hopefully next week i'll have a little more time to do my movie review and talk about the homeless. i'm very tired too. i was at the gym late a couple of nights this week, late as in until 12 am. i was getting up by 6 am, so the average amount of sleep this week has been about 5 hours. after showering and getting everything ready for work the next morning, i wasn't getting into bed till after 1 am. not good. so my brain and body are tired and i hope to get to bed early tonight. i'll be getting up early (5:30 am) to go play bball tomorrow morning. yeah, i know, i'm crazy! GO STEELERS....i'm mean...SEATTLE....uh...i don't really care, just hope for a good game, don't wanna see a blowout. later.