feeling blah

i've been putting on some unwanted weight and now it's getting to be really uncomfortable. i can't wait to be able to get in the gym on a regular basis. i had too much food this weekend. i mean, i really went over board. sometimes i feel like i'm putting this weight on and can't do anything about it. my motivation has been pretty low as a result. i think aaron is getting to be on a regular schedule now that will allow me to slip out when everyone is asleep and go to the gym.

i will say that even though i got NOTHING done in the apt, it was a good four days off. i took today off to play some basketball and take aaron to get his 4 month shots. didn't get to play ball since the gym was closed but the long weekend was a good time spent with my family. aaron is 21 lbs, 28 inches long!! i'm blessed to have children and was looking forward to being around them for longer than the average week day. it would have been really nice to have gotten some stuff done around the apt. it is a mess from top to bottom. we'll get it worked out soon though, we can't keep this up. anyway, just felt like putting down some thoughts.

jr. is next door and i need to go and scoop him up for a shower and bed time. he's usually in bed by now, but because of the extra long weekend we've been a little more slack with bed time. he should go out like a light once we get him in bed.

i've fallen

this pretty much captions how i've been feeling for a little bit. i've been doing some reading on obedience and this morning i did some reading on repentance. the word repent intrigues me when i read it. i know the meaning and i've looked it up, but sometimes the definitions seem to lack what's being expressed when i read the word repent in a sentence or passage of scripture. alot of the definitions for repent i see look like this: "To feel pain on account of; to remember with sorrow."
to me, that doesn't complete the definition of what it means to repent or to be repentant. a definition that makes more sense to me is : "To change the mind, or the course of conduct, on account of regret or dissatisfaction.", also "To be sorry for sin as morally evil, and to seek forgiveness; to cease to love and practice sin." in my search for a definition of repent i found this and found it to be very helpful.

i'm trying to "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and run with perseverance the race marked out for us." (Hebrews 12:1) or i'd like to anyway.

something for me has to change. i'm up early enough in the mornings that i think i could take some time and start my day be reading my bible and praying. it's something that has been on my mind off and on. alot of times i don't start my day off (insert slang) on the good foot(end slang). in my devotional reading this morning, psalm 119: 9-16 was a part of the reading. verse 11 was the "title verse". "Your Word I have hidden in my heart." you know, two weeks ago i started reviewing my old memory verses and had a plan to start "spiritually exercising", going over the verses i'd already memorized, each day and after a week or so, adding a new verse to the list. i did good for the first week, got sick over the weekend and was just hit with all kinds of tempation and fell to it. and of course, i stopped exercising. i'm going to try again. i know i need to have the Word hidden in my heart and that it is my spiritual armor. pray for me as i try to embark on this mission again. i'm in bad spiritual shape and need to be *"lifting spiritual weights and pumping up faith. In prayer do sets, in church do reps to build righteous massive biceps and pecs". - *(taken from "shock" on crossmovment's heaven's mentality)

quick update

well well well. it's been awhile (again). the baby is doing well, growing very fast and he is a big boy. he's been sleeping longer at night which is good. my three year old has been going through the terrible three's. it has been quite the challenge to me and mom, especially mom. she's been home more with him and he's really not listening to her alot. the one thing that has been great about his behaviour is that he loves his little brother and always wants to be in his face, kissing him and playing with him. his little brother watches his every move now and smiles anytime big bro is around. jr. has shown very little jealousy which has been great.

my wife will be starting a new job in june and hopefully things will be a little less crazy. it'll be good for her to get out of the house. i've just started getting more sleep, although i've been sick off and on the past 2 months. the gym has been non-existent, which i'm kinda of starting to accept. i'm still hoping that the baby will be sleeping more soon and i'll be able to get back. i'm still in decent shape, but no way near the shape i'm used to being in.

spiritually, i'm in a bad place right now. tired from the fight. still hanging in, "hold on, cuz our God is a warrior", that's a quote from Hold on from Flame's latest "Our World Redeemed". so yeah, i'm just not happy with how i'm responding to temptations and the relentlessness of them. i tried connecting with some brothers a few months back to see if we could be accountable to each other, maybe build through the Word via email, but it hasn't been working out. i'm pretty frustrated and disappointed with that. i'm hoping that'll work out and that's it just a matter of time right now. both of these brothers are pretty busy, one with being a Dr. doing family practice and the other just finished computer science classes. then there's me with a newborn, so its been tough to get it together. please pray for me, i'm still struggling with my prayer life. i still need to pray tons more. don't know what's wrong with me.

still not sure how i feel about this, but here are a couple of pics of my boys. what a blessing, and i'm learning lessons ever yday it seems by having them in my life.

aaron


andrew