How would a child come to God? With no reservations, no preconceived fears or doubts.
***
"Looking up" to Him -- from a child's perspective.He is big and I am little.
He is strong. I am weak. He will hold me in His arms. He will hold my hand. He will know what to do. . . .
Ready to listen and to ask questions,
but not to express his views or to argue with Him about His views. Giving Him the responsibility of caring for him. Indeed, expecting Him to care for him. Trusting Him to care for him.
Reaching out to touch Him.
Holding His hand for security and comfort.
Resting in His lap.
Putting his arms around His neck.
Being excited to see Him and be with Him.
Knowing that He is wiser than he is.
Knowing that He is stronger than he is.
***
but i struggle. i question. i get frustrated with this walk and my unfaithfulness and my disobedience. like b.morr says, my only consistency is my inconsistency. i desire a closer walk but haven't put out the effort necessary. i don't read His word every day, i don't pray nearly as often as i should. i don't meditate on His word. so how can i expect to have this closer walk?!?! i was telling my pastor that i'm the guy at the pool who only puts his toe in the water but doesn't jump in. i need to emerse myself in His Word. that would probably help with this battle that goes on in my heart/head.
i keep getting in the way. instead of saying "here i am Lord and i submit, please take over my life" i'm saying "i gotta work on this first, then get rid of this, then that, then i'll be ready and acceptable."
man, i just wanna love God, and truely appreciate Him. sometimes i feel so alone in this struggle. i know i'm not, but it feels like i'm fighting this fight alone and no one can relate. it's not too often you hear of people who struggle and admit it out loud. i'm hoping that God will open a door for me to find other believers to share our struggles and to encourage each other.
i could cry. just walking in to work this morning, i felt like i could have started crying in the middle of all the people around me. that's how frustrated i am. (i said i was going to be more transparent didn't i?)
the one thing that really bugs me is that the closer i try to get to Him, the harder it gets. the more i try, it seems more obstacles or stumbling blocks pop up. things that test my patience, or my ability to respond in a Christ-like manner. well, for now, i've run out of words on this topic.
***paraphrased from wednesday's devotional at lifetime guarantee ministries***
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
blah
feeling very blah today. i have so much going on in my head, it's almost overwhelming. someone...actually a neighbor broke into our apt yesterday and we're pretty sure we know who and it makes me so angry cuz we have no proof, but we know by what was taken, and believe me, it was nothing of value and just made it more obvious who it was. my screen on the screen door is ruined and the back door is no longer secure. and this just adds to the stock pile of things on my mind. and the old me wants to rage and make subtle threats out loud. be cold to everyone in the apt tenament because of the one person (most of the other tenants are related)
i'm tired. mentally, physically, emotionally. i'm gaining unwanted weight and feeling almost powerless about it. that's it for now, gotta run. but i needed to vent.
i'm tired. mentally, physically, emotionally. i'm gaining unwanted weight and feeling almost powerless about it. that's it for now, gotta run. but i needed to vent.
pluck 'em!
the summer is here and i want to pluck my eyes out!
47 And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell - Mark 9:47
47 And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell - Mark 9:47
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
thoughts on holiness
recently i've been thinking about holiness and what it means to be holy. it's a tall order no doubt, but i always have to remember that my strength comes from Him and He carries me through. so i have to remind myself to rely on Jesus to live a holy life. that being said, i've been thinking also about reverence to God and realizing how holy He is. and that is difficult for me to grasp at this point. He is so holy, yet He loved me so much that He took on human form to save me from His wrath?
"Let me ask you if you seemed confused with this
God passed through His own creature's uterus
and I admit this is odd, but the Bible can persuade me
an Omnipotent God was crying as a baby? " *
i don't know if i'm making what i'm saying clear enough, but it's hard to imagine that the same God who created me, died for me. the same God who is so Holy. and what does it mean to be holy? like what does that really mean? and God is so holy that one sin is an offense to Him?! and it's punishable by death??? wow. that's some standard.
my prayers have been for God to keep the hunger growing in me to know Him and to keep me desiring to live a life that is pleasing to Him. and recently i've taken some steps to take have a deeper walk with Him. i'll talk about that in another post. so more and more my mind has been on holiness and what it means to be holy because it is required of us; "But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy." - I Peter 1:15-16. by God's grace, i will be able to meet this requirement.
*Timothy Brindle - "The Humility of Christ" from the Killing Sin album.
"Let me ask you if you seemed confused with this
God passed through His own creature's uterus
and I admit this is odd, but the Bible can persuade me
an Omnipotent God was crying as a baby? " *
i don't know if i'm making what i'm saying clear enough, but it's hard to imagine that the same God who created me, died for me. the same God who is so Holy. and what does it mean to be holy? like what does that really mean? and God is so holy that one sin is an offense to Him?! and it's punishable by death??? wow. that's some standard.
my prayers have been for God to keep the hunger growing in me to know Him and to keep me desiring to live a life that is pleasing to Him. and recently i've taken some steps to take have a deeper walk with Him. i'll talk about that in another post. so more and more my mind has been on holiness and what it means to be holy because it is required of us; "But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy." - I Peter 1:15-16. by God's grace, i will be able to meet this requirement.
*Timothy Brindle - "The Humility of Christ" from the Killing Sin album.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
some early morning thoughts
it amazes me sometimes that alot of times the devotions that i do in the mornings speak to or touch on things i'm feeling or thinking about. below are some paraphrased excerps from this morning's devotional:
You lightly broke your solemn vows to me,
yet I will keep the pledge I made to you when you were young.
I will establish an everlasting covenant with you forever.
Ezekiel 16: 59-60 TLB
i see myself in that verse of scripture. numerous times since the day I gave my life over to Christ, with tears and sincere regret, i've renewed that solemn vow—only to "lightly break that vow" again in a time of frustration, anger, self-protection, weariness, or doubt.
But the Person with whom I made that agreement when I was twelve years old says, "It's all right, andrew (that's me hint hint, there's some transparency right there, my real name!!). I'm not going to back out of the covenant we made. I'm going to keep all of My promises to you. We're different—You and me. You can trust Me, dear one. I won't break the vows I made with you."
in a marriage when things aren't going well, sometimes one of the twosome is trying—everything possible—to make the marriage work, to make it the beautiful relationship that God created it to be. but for that to happen, both of them have to commit themselves to trying to make their union something special, and then beauty begins to come. then love is renewed. then the relationship becomes all that it is supposed to be.
in my covenant with the Lord, He is doing His very best to make our relationship all that He longs for it to be. i'm the one putting sand in the gears. i'm the one who is chasing other ways for fulfillment and I confess, "It's me, Lord. And I am so sorry."
thank You for being the Person of integrity that You are. Your love, your faithfulness, your dedication to me are absolutely marvelous!
Your steadfast love, O Lord, is as great as all the heavens.(That's beyond our ability to grasp, isn't it?)Your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds.(Beyond the clouds? No way can I imagine that.)Your justice is as solid as God's mountains.(I have never analyzed the "solidness" of a mountain, have you?)Your decisions are as full of wisdom as the oceans are with water.(Quite a comparison, isn't it?)You are concerned for men and animals alike.How precious is Your constant love, O God!Psalm 36: 5-7 (TLB)
What seems to be a minor infraction to me—lightly breaking the solemn vow I made with You—is a very major infraction with You. Help me to see that, Lord.
most of this was taken from today's devotion at Lifetime Guarantee Ministries
that pretty much sums up what some of my thoughts were this morning on the train ride into work. isn't it great that God keeps His promises and that He's faithful despite our unfaithfulness?? more and more those minor infractions are becoming more like major infractions to me and i'm taking it alot more seriously. got work to get to, i'll be back to comment on psalm 36:5
You lightly broke your solemn vows to me,
yet I will keep the pledge I made to you when you were young.
I will establish an everlasting covenant with you forever.
Ezekiel 16: 59-60 TLB
i see myself in that verse of scripture. numerous times since the day I gave my life over to Christ, with tears and sincere regret, i've renewed that solemn vow—only to "lightly break that vow" again in a time of frustration, anger, self-protection, weariness, or doubt.
But the Person with whom I made that agreement when I was twelve years old says, "It's all right, andrew (that's me hint hint, there's some transparency right there, my real name!!). I'm not going to back out of the covenant we made. I'm going to keep all of My promises to you. We're different—You and me. You can trust Me, dear one. I won't break the vows I made with you."
in a marriage when things aren't going well, sometimes one of the twosome is trying—everything possible—to make the marriage work, to make it the beautiful relationship that God created it to be. but for that to happen, both of them have to commit themselves to trying to make their union something special, and then beauty begins to come. then love is renewed. then the relationship becomes all that it is supposed to be.
in my covenant with the Lord, He is doing His very best to make our relationship all that He longs for it to be. i'm the one putting sand in the gears. i'm the one who is chasing other ways for fulfillment and I confess, "It's me, Lord. And I am so sorry."
thank You for being the Person of integrity that You are. Your love, your faithfulness, your dedication to me are absolutely marvelous!
Your steadfast love, O Lord, is as great as all the heavens.(That's beyond our ability to grasp, isn't it?)Your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds.(Beyond the clouds? No way can I imagine that.)Your justice is as solid as God's mountains.(I have never analyzed the "solidness" of a mountain, have you?)Your decisions are as full of wisdom as the oceans are with water.(Quite a comparison, isn't it?)You are concerned for men and animals alike.How precious is Your constant love, O God!Psalm 36: 5-7 (TLB)
What seems to be a minor infraction to me—lightly breaking the solemn vow I made with You—is a very major infraction with You. Help me to see that, Lord.
most of this was taken from today's devotion at Lifetime Guarantee Ministries
that pretty much sums up what some of my thoughts were this morning on the train ride into work. isn't it great that God keeps His promises and that He's faithful despite our unfaithfulness?? more and more those minor infractions are becoming more like major infractions to me and i'm taking it alot more seriously. got work to get to, i'll be back to comment on psalm 36:5
i wish
i wish i wrote as well as i speak. it's easier to speak what i'm thinking then it is to write it and make it sound good, or to flow well. i think when i write i tend to try to write like i talk and it doesn't always come out right or doesn't sound like i wanted it to. hopefully that'll improve in time.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
a random thought
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. Ecclesiastes 11:5.
speaking of way of the master, there was a debate recently with Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort vs. two athiests on proving the existence of God. looking at today's verse it reminded me of the debate and as a believer, i just wonder what makes people think there is no God. it's not like those who don't believe decided "hey, i wanna be born today, or better yet...i wanna be conceived today. know what i mean? you can't even explain how you got here, but you can tell us there is no God? that's a random thought right there. i could go on, but i have work to get back to. but isn't it interesting? you have no control of when you're born into this world and really no control over when you leave it, but you're sure there is no way that God had anything to do with it. i could go on. maybe in another post, that's a topic that could be discussed for pages.
speaking of way of the master, there was a debate recently with Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort vs. two athiests on proving the existence of God. looking at today's verse it reminded me of the debate and as a believer, i just wonder what makes people think there is no God. it's not like those who don't believe decided "hey, i wanna be born today, or better yet...i wanna be conceived today. know what i mean? you can't even explain how you got here, but you can tell us there is no God? that's a random thought right there. i could go on, but i have work to get back to. but isn't it interesting? you have no control of when you're born into this world and really no control over when you leave it, but you're sure there is no way that God had anything to do with it. i could go on. maybe in another post, that's a topic that could be discussed for pages.
random thoughts
so on the way in this morning, i was thinking that i'd try posting more of my random thoughts. alot of times i have plenty of thoughts running through my head and i wonder if other people think similarily. sometimes they're in the form of questions or just things i'd like to wonder out loud, so maybe i'll start "wondering out loud" here. anyway, we'll see how that goes. i think it'll help me to open up and to be a little more revealing about myself and this walk i'm on.
there's some new music up on the radio blog, i've got some new music i've purchased and some of it's up on the radio. i'll list some of the new stuff later, got some work to get to. by the way, i'm listening to way of the master and they had an interesting street interview today. they interviewed a man who's never sinned! he said he's never lied, or lusted after a woman, never used God's name in vain and wasn't disobedient with his parents! it was an interesting interview
there's some new music up on the radio blog, i've got some new music i've purchased and some of it's up on the radio. i'll list some of the new stuff later, got some work to get to. by the way, i'm listening to way of the master and they had an interesting street interview today. they interviewed a man who's never sinned! he said he's never lied, or lusted after a woman, never used God's name in vain and wasn't disobedient with his parents! it was an interesting interview
Thursday, May 10, 2007
don't call it a come back...
i been here for years....nahh..just playin....but i'm getting the blog bug again...kinda sorta. so hopefully i'll be back to posting more. and i hope to be more transparent (oy).
Monday, March 12, 2007
blog construction
ok, so it doesn't look any different now, but i had a blogger template up and didn't like it so i went back to the latest template. i've been working on one for a few weeks now but the new blogger doesn't work well with it, or i just haven't figured it out. i don't really have much time to invest in figuring out how to change the template to the one i have. i'm ready for a change though, a different look. maybe if i ever get some time on the weekend i can spend some serious time working on it. until then, i'll stick with this one.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
please excuse
the appearance of my blog, i'm in the middle of changing my template, i've actually been working on it for a couple of weeks now, when i've had the time that it is. alot of this design stuff is just a hobby for me so i'm learning as i go. i have ideas in my head of what i want and i have a template designed, it's now a matter of getting it to work. hopefully i'll be able to put some thoughts down once i've got the template completely up and running.
Monday, February 05, 2007
examine yourself
"Are you a Christian? Many people who claim to be point to some event in the past to substantiate their claim. But inviting Jesus to come into your life in the past is not proof that you are genuinely saved. In 2 Corinthians 13:5 Paul says to the Corinthian church, "Examine yourselves, whether you are in the faith; prove yourselves (emphasis added)." He wouldn't have said that if some event in the past were obviously the answer. The Bible never verifies anyone's salvation by the past but by the present. If there is no evidence of salvation in your life now, you need to face the fact that you may not be a Christian. You need to examine yourself to see whether you are in the faith. How does one do that? Jesus shows us in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5‑7). "
this was written by john macarthur over at grace to you. i definetly needed to read this. i've been doing alot of self-examination lately, pretty much daily and this puts alot of things into perspective. read the rest here.
i think i'm gonna use this as a reference, survey, and reminder. man this walk is hard, but i do like that at one point macarthur says;
this was written by john macarthur over at grace to you. i definetly needed to read this. i've been doing alot of self-examination lately, pretty much daily and this puts alot of things into perspective. read the rest here.
i think i'm gonna use this as a reference, survey, and reminder. man this walk is hard, but i do like that at one point macarthur says;
"No man has the resources within himself to live up to God's standards. That's
why we have to cast ourselves on the mercy of God. The rich young ruler in
Matthew 19 wasn't willing to do that. He wanted to enter the Kingdom but on his
terms. However, that's like trying to put a camel through the eye of a needle.
The only way into the Kingdom is by becoming broken in spirit, mournful, and
eager for a righteousness that you can't attain and don't deserve."
now if i can just get that through my head. i think i keep relying on my own strength. ha...what strength?? my motives too, gotta check those. need to refocus and make sure that motives are for God, to bring pleasure to Him. pray for me fam, cuz i know God has plans for me and i'm searching them out. but i'm also not giving myself to Him fully, not praying like i should be and sincerely seeking my purpose in Him. pray that He gives me His strength and that i truely seek Him and live according to His will for me.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Friday, January 26, 2007
recent pickups
my collection is growing, slowly but surely. most recent pickups are metamorphosis by j.r. , i got it for free mixtape by e-pistle, to die is gain by stephen the levite and the great awakening by timothy brindle. to die is gain just got here yesterday, and i ordered it just this past friday!! i'm feelin all of these cd's!! i like metamorphosis even more than i expected. the great awakening is good also, it's an older cd so the beats remind me of an earlier period in hip hop but the cd flows very nicely. that's one thing i'm noticing about the lampmode crew and their cd's. they all flow very smoothly musically. they kinda remind me of some of the rock groups in the 70's that had theme albums, like pink floyd for ex. , i'm just talking flow here, no comparison. the e-pistle joint is hot, i love the beats and lyrics. i love the lyricism on all the above cd's! to some degree these are small sermons and i love how i get fed by these kats. they really help me to examine myself, especially when they're very honest about their own shortcomings and talk about the seriousness of being in a right standing with God. i haven't gotten to really listen to to die is gain fully yet, but from what i've heard i know i'll like it. there's a joint on there called "the darknes",whew, that first line, man those are some powerful lyrics.
so i think my next pickup will be lecrae's joint after the music stops, then possibly trip lee's if they only knew, kingdom people by tedashi and then revolutionary theme muzik by r-swift and i'm thinkin about jacob izreal's joint even louder. i love that song "Godly Life" and "If I should die". his style isn't my usual taste but i like what i've heard so far. these are all on the list and i'm sure there are more i forgot and depending on how i feel, the order may change of which ones i'll get first. ok, got some errands to run.
so i think my next pickup will be lecrae's joint after the music stops, then possibly trip lee's if they only knew, kingdom people by tedashi and then revolutionary theme muzik by r-swift and i'm thinkin about jacob izreal's joint even louder. i love that song "Godly Life" and "If I should die". his style isn't my usual taste but i like what i've heard so far. these are all on the list and i'm sure there are more i forgot and depending on how i feel, the order may change of which ones i'll get first. ok, got some errands to run.
Friday, January 19, 2007
the parable of the sower
Matthew 13: 3-8 and Matthew 13: 18-23
3Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.
18"Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. 22The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. 23But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."
The soil among the thorns represented those who permit the Word of God in their hearts to be choked by the cares and pleasures of the alluring world (vv.7,22).That’s a dangerous possibility for anyone who thoughtlessly responds to God’s Word. The world may induce a forgetfulness of spiritual reality and responsibility.Do we allow the attractions of this world to keep us from reading and meditating on God’s Word? Prayerfully, let us strive to be like the one who “hears the Word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and produces” (v.23).When the sun sets tonight, let it not be said that we have forgotten God —Vernon C Grounds
this was today's devotion at our daily bread today. most of the time when i hear this passage i feel like i'm the one who lets the cares and worries of this world hinder my walk with the Lord. . like i've said before, God's standards are soooo high, it feels impossible to be a good, faithful servant. so much to learn, and i feel overwhelmed by it at times. learning how to let go and say "here Lord, my life is yours, do with it what you please" is hard for me. maybe it's hard for everyone. i don't know that i ever "forget" God, but i do get caught up in the busy-ness of life and when i slow down and think about how God may have different plans for my life, i struggle with trusting him with my whole inner being. trusting in the sense that i know that my way of thinking is not God's and i'd probably want things to be alot easier than how He would go about achieving His purpose in me. it's a battle, cuz at the same time i wanna be closer, i wanna know that God is with me and i'm with Him. i just need to get into His Word more, and to keep mediatating on it.
over at life time guarantee, the devotion for today was taken from Proverbs 4:20-22. anabel breaks down the verses and has a quote from A.W. Tozer which is;
"Spiritual gifts and graces come only to those who WANT them badly enough. It may be said without qualification that every man is as holy and as full of the Spirit as he WANTS to be. He may not be as full as he WISHES he were, but he is most certainly as full as he WANTS to be."
i can identify with that statement. alot of times we know, probably by the Holy Spirit's conviction, that there are areas in our lives that need some serious clean up and that God is not pleased with those areas. but we hold on to them and they stunt our growth in the Lord. since we know that we have these areas to clean up but haven't, in essence we're saying, "ok Lord, i've gotten this far, but this area i'm just not ready to let go off", thus we limit how much more God would bless us. so until we make that needed effort to become even more holy, we're as holy as we wanna be. i'm speaking from experience and hope that as i get closer to the Lord that my desire to be more spiritual and more holy, will push down the worries and cares of life, and it not only becomes a desire but something i strive for. strive: to exert oneself vigorously; try hard; to make strenuous efforts toward any goal.
3Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.
18"Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. 22The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. 23But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."
The soil among the thorns represented those who permit the Word of God in their hearts to be choked by the cares and pleasures of the alluring world (vv.7,22).That’s a dangerous possibility for anyone who thoughtlessly responds to God’s Word. The world may induce a forgetfulness of spiritual reality and responsibility.Do we allow the attractions of this world to keep us from reading and meditating on God’s Word? Prayerfully, let us strive to be like the one who “hears the Word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and produces” (v.23).When the sun sets tonight, let it not be said that we have forgotten God —Vernon C Grounds
this was today's devotion at our daily bread today. most of the time when i hear this passage i feel like i'm the one who lets the cares and worries of this world hinder my walk with the Lord. . like i've said before, God's standards are soooo high, it feels impossible to be a good, faithful servant. so much to learn, and i feel overwhelmed by it at times. learning how to let go and say "here Lord, my life is yours, do with it what you please" is hard for me. maybe it's hard for everyone. i don't know that i ever "forget" God, but i do get caught up in the busy-ness of life and when i slow down and think about how God may have different plans for my life, i struggle with trusting him with my whole inner being. trusting in the sense that i know that my way of thinking is not God's and i'd probably want things to be alot easier than how He would go about achieving His purpose in me. it's a battle, cuz at the same time i wanna be closer, i wanna know that God is with me and i'm with Him. i just need to get into His Word more, and to keep mediatating on it.
over at life time guarantee, the devotion for today was taken from Proverbs 4:20-22. anabel breaks down the verses and has a quote from A.W. Tozer which is;
"Spiritual gifts and graces come only to those who WANT them badly enough. It may be said without qualification that every man is as holy and as full of the Spirit as he WANTS to be. He may not be as full as he WISHES he were, but he is most certainly as full as he WANTS to be."
i can identify with that statement. alot of times we know, probably by the Holy Spirit's conviction, that there are areas in our lives that need some serious clean up and that God is not pleased with those areas. but we hold on to them and they stunt our growth in the Lord. since we know that we have these areas to clean up but haven't, in essence we're saying, "ok Lord, i've gotten this far, but this area i'm just not ready to let go off", thus we limit how much more God would bless us. so until we make that needed effort to become even more holy, we're as holy as we wanna be. i'm speaking from experience and hope that as i get closer to the Lord that my desire to be more spiritual and more holy, will push down the worries and cares of life, and it not only becomes a desire but something i strive for. strive: to exert oneself vigorously; try hard; to make strenuous efforts toward any goal.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
integrity
For Further Thought
In what ways have I been a person of integrity when it was tough? When have I failed? Whose standards do I live by? What do I need to change?
that was from today's devotional at Our Daily Bread. it was taken from Gen. 39: 1-12, the story of how joseph resisted potipher's wife. joseph was able to resist her because he valued following God's standards. potipher put joseph in charge of everything and trusted him not to touch his wife. i would like to have that kinda integrity and strive more to live according to God's standards even though i know they're very high. but the key word is strive: to exert oneself vigorously; try hard; to make strenuous efforts toward any goal. i need to try harder cuz i'm living by my own standards right now. so i need to change the effort i'm putting in. according to the definition of strive, i'm not making a strenous effort.
for example, this weekend i coulda tried alot harder. i had plenty of free time on my hands but spent it doing things that are definetly below God's standards. but that was yesterday and today is a new day. so far i got the day started off on the right foot by getting myself together last night so this morning wasn't a big rush to get out the door and it worked. and the kitchen is clean. so my next thing will be to pick up the clothes on the floor in my room. trying to set small goals and just to improve myself as a person. i went to the gym last night and had a semi intense workout. gonna take some time to get used to the new gym and the different crowd of people & the different types of machines. but it was a good workout and hopefully i'll be bringing the poundages up soon enough. i started eating right and i think i've dropped some off the love handles i was getting, now i need to start doing more ab work and more cardio. this should help with just playing once a week too. i'll start out with one cardio day a week (not including bball) and see how that works out. last night was tri's and calves, friday will be legs. for now i'll just do squats and hack squats for quads and lying leg curls and SLDL's for hammies. light to mid weight for pounds on all exercises and after the first warm up set, i'll keep the rep ranges between 8-10.
so today i will finish up on putting my memory verses in my new journal (physical not online) and writing some definitions of words that are commonly used in Christendom; also i'll start re-memorizing scripts.
In what ways have I been a person of integrity when it was tough? When have I failed? Whose standards do I live by? What do I need to change?
that was from today's devotional at Our Daily Bread. it was taken from Gen. 39: 1-12, the story of how joseph resisted potipher's wife. joseph was able to resist her because he valued following God's standards. potipher put joseph in charge of everything and trusted him not to touch his wife. i would like to have that kinda integrity and strive more to live according to God's standards even though i know they're very high. but the key word is strive: to exert oneself vigorously; try hard; to make strenuous efforts toward any goal. i need to try harder cuz i'm living by my own standards right now. so i need to change the effort i'm putting in. according to the definition of strive, i'm not making a strenous effort.
for example, this weekend i coulda tried alot harder. i had plenty of free time on my hands but spent it doing things that are definetly below God's standards. but that was yesterday and today is a new day. so far i got the day started off on the right foot by getting myself together last night so this morning wasn't a big rush to get out the door and it worked. and the kitchen is clean. so my next thing will be to pick up the clothes on the floor in my room. trying to set small goals and just to improve myself as a person. i went to the gym last night and had a semi intense workout. gonna take some time to get used to the new gym and the different crowd of people & the different types of machines. but it was a good workout and hopefully i'll be bringing the poundages up soon enough. i started eating right and i think i've dropped some off the love handles i was getting, now i need to start doing more ab work and more cardio. this should help with just playing once a week too. i'll start out with one cardio day a week (not including bball) and see how that works out. last night was tri's and calves, friday will be legs. for now i'll just do squats and hack squats for quads and lying leg curls and SLDL's for hammies. light to mid weight for pounds on all exercises and after the first warm up set, i'll keep the rep ranges between 8-10.
so today i will finish up on putting my memory verses in my new journal (physical not online) and writing some definitions of words that are commonly used in Christendom; also i'll start re-memorizing scripts.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
question about the word Glory
glory: from the Latin gloria, "fame, renown is used to denote the manifestation of God's presence in the Judeo-Christian religious tradition. In Hebrew it would probably be the word הוד Hod.
When I looked up the word renown, i got this defintion: a state of being widely acclaimed and highly honored.
I see alot of talk about glory to God and God does things for His glory. so my question is why would God need to get glory from us his creations? i guess as a christian one would already know and understand that since God is the creater of all things, we cannot take credit for anything. so with that understanding why would God need to get the glory or expect praise from us for the things He does? He didn't need us before the foundation of the world, He doesn't need us now, so why would God do things to get glory? God doesn't have to prove Himself to anyone, so i'm not sure i understand the way the word glory is being used in relation to God and Him getting His and doing things to get His. is there anyone that can explain this concept to me?
understand that the question is not out of irreverrance but just a desire to understand better. i've always felt that God wants and desires to have a relationship with us and that is His purpose ultimately. beyond that i can't say why else things go the way they do. and i guess this train of thought was sparked by a question asked about rape and whether or not God ordains, allows or even creates events that would lead to that happening.
edit: also i may need to rephrase the question so it's clearer as to what i mean.
When I looked up the word renown, i got this defintion: a state of being widely acclaimed and highly honored.
I see alot of talk about glory to God and God does things for His glory. so my question is why would God need to get glory from us his creations? i guess as a christian one would already know and understand that since God is the creater of all things, we cannot take credit for anything. so with that understanding why would God need to get the glory or expect praise from us for the things He does? He didn't need us before the foundation of the world, He doesn't need us now, so why would God do things to get glory? God doesn't have to prove Himself to anyone, so i'm not sure i understand the way the word glory is being used in relation to God and Him getting His and doing things to get His. is there anyone that can explain this concept to me?
understand that the question is not out of irreverrance but just a desire to understand better. i've always felt that God wants and desires to have a relationship with us and that is His purpose ultimately. beyond that i can't say why else things go the way they do. and i guess this train of thought was sparked by a question asked about rape and whether or not God ordains, allows or even creates events that would lead to that happening.
edit: also i may need to rephrase the question so it's clearer as to what i mean.
Friday, December 22, 2006
the sin problem
well, a few hours since my last post i came across two posts that we're actually encouraging because of the writer's transparency. first jenn wrote about the mortification of sin, and to me at least, it touched on some of what i was expressing in my previous post. then larosa posted a devotion about this incredible walk we're on.
jenn posted this over at hcr and one of the forum members responded with lyrics from a song that means alot to him. his hcr name is Conviction Music and you can check out his myspace page, he has an album in the works.
these lyrics also really say some things that are in my heart and express the frustration i feel at times:
You know the feeling when you tired and you stressed out/
you need to pray but your too prideful to just bow so you lie with ya chest out/
frontin like your fine, but in ya mind ya stretched out/
ya put you faith face on but deep in side ya fresh out/
Ya tell ya self, i cant believe that im faking/
but im scared they gone judge me if they see that im aching, see that im facing/
troubles thats gone lead to disgrace then, i'll be humbled once they see that im caged in/
im weak and ive straight sinned, my problems got me thinking i cant win/
now im going off on family, man, i mean it my faiths dim/
im 'pose to be a Christian full of love and not the flesh, but i confess this
weight is to heavy for me to squat or press/
i gotta rest, before this ungodliness topples me, sometimes i think/
that God is gotta be tired of watching me/
when most the time im leading cats to his face, this time its me that needs your love, im coming back to your grace/
hopefully i'll be in a better place soon. it's hard to explain, cuz as down as i feel at times i have confidence in God and that He's still shaping and molding me. i had more thoughts i wanted to write but they've left me for now. i'll be back later.
jenn posted this over at hcr and one of the forum members responded with lyrics from a song that means alot to him. his hcr name is Conviction Music and you can check out his myspace page, he has an album in the works.
these lyrics also really say some things that are in my heart and express the frustration i feel at times:
You know the feeling when you tired and you stressed out/
you need to pray but your too prideful to just bow so you lie with ya chest out/
frontin like your fine, but in ya mind ya stretched out/
ya put you faith face on but deep in side ya fresh out/
Ya tell ya self, i cant believe that im faking/
but im scared they gone judge me if they see that im aching, see that im facing/
troubles thats gone lead to disgrace then, i'll be humbled once they see that im caged in/
im weak and ive straight sinned, my problems got me thinking i cant win/
now im going off on family, man, i mean it my faiths dim/
im 'pose to be a Christian full of love and not the flesh, but i confess this
weight is to heavy for me to squat or press/
i gotta rest, before this ungodliness topples me, sometimes i think/
that God is gotta be tired of watching me/
when most the time im leading cats to his face, this time its me that needs your love, im coming back to your grace/
hopefully i'll be in a better place soon. it's hard to explain, cuz as down as i feel at times i have confidence in God and that He's still shaping and molding me. i had more thoughts i wanted to write but they've left me for now. i'll be back later.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
this battle
i get so tired of fighting this fight some times. sometimes it feels like it's all-consuming, like it's always there in the back of my mind. i'd appreciate it if more christans were real about that side of being a christian. talk about how it can feel like a weight at times, it's not always easy to trust. call it crazy or what ever but it's a reality.
at the same time my faith kicks in and says to trust Him cuz He's in control. but i wanna be in control. i wanna decide what way my life goes. lol...ironic right? my last post was about God's providence and this one is saying "i wanna drive!" but that's real, at least for me it is. i ride the fence sometimes and know it. i hate it when i do it, and probably while i'm ridin' it, it comes to mind. that's real y'all. real talk. i get tired, i dunno about anyone else. the thing is, i want to know what it is to rest in Him. i do rest in Him and then i pull right back.
the battle.
sometimes it's like i'm just in the mode where i'm thirsting to know more about God. about this mystery and sure enough here comes all kinds of distractions to lead you the total opposite direction. then i'll hear a song that makes me say i want that, i want to be that in love with God, and of course here comes the opposition. i feel it in my bones. it wears on me sometimes.
i fall short in so many areas. that's a hard reflection to look at. i've been reading alot. alot of debates about this doctrine and that doctrine. things i just never put any thought into before. it's alot to take in, and trying to navigate your way through can be a stumbling block. i think that's an appropriate use of that saying.
i still feel like i'm on the outside looking in. but deep in my heart i feel like there's a chance i'm on the right road. that there's hope. other tims i feel confident in that hope and it's more than just a chance.
that's how serious it is for me, it literally feels like a matter of life and death. it feels like i feel the weight of life and death and the importance of making the right decision. kinda like that new taye diggs series on abc called day break, except i don't get to start the same day over and over and make different choices. there's more going on then what it seems alot of people are aware of. any one feel me on that? cuz for real...there has to be more.
i started reading my bible on the regular starting with the book of Ruth. i'm in I Kings now and Solomon has started sacrificing to other gods. why man???? but who's to say i wouldn't have done the same thing right? but i digress. so seeing the beginning of his end and seeing how David fell before him and Saul before him, i'm eager to see what Solomon has to say in Ecclesiastes.
i'm seeing trends in how God reaches out to us and how we respond. what is that? what is it that's in us that makes us want to rebel? i know about sin, believe me i know about sin. but why is it there? i have other questions and/or thoughts on sin but that's for another post.
sorry if this post was too all over the place for anyone but i felt the need to be really real tonight. it's a hard walk and i get the feeling that more of us don't actually say it. some of us know the right things to say but aren't always living the way we talk. please don't get me wrong. i've said it before and i'll say it again, my desire is to know God, to love God with all my heart and soul. i think God is amazing. i don't think there's anyway any one person or groups of people could make up a story like this that would impact the world. the story being how God sent His son to die for us. when one considers the impact of the bible on the world!! and it's message? c'mon. i could go on, He is literally everywhere. so i know He's real. i'm just trying to think things through i guess.
alright, i've run out of words, plus i have to get to bed, gotta be up in 5 hours and i'm not really prepared. g'nite.
at the same time my faith kicks in and says to trust Him cuz He's in control. but i wanna be in control. i wanna decide what way my life goes. lol...ironic right? my last post was about God's providence and this one is saying "i wanna drive!" but that's real, at least for me it is. i ride the fence sometimes and know it. i hate it when i do it, and probably while i'm ridin' it, it comes to mind. that's real y'all. real talk. i get tired, i dunno about anyone else. the thing is, i want to know what it is to rest in Him. i do rest in Him and then i pull right back.
the battle.
sometimes it's like i'm just in the mode where i'm thirsting to know more about God. about this mystery and sure enough here comes all kinds of distractions to lead you the total opposite direction. then i'll hear a song that makes me say i want that, i want to be that in love with God, and of course here comes the opposition. i feel it in my bones. it wears on me sometimes.
i fall short in so many areas. that's a hard reflection to look at. i've been reading alot. alot of debates about this doctrine and that doctrine. things i just never put any thought into before. it's alot to take in, and trying to navigate your way through can be a stumbling block. i think that's an appropriate use of that saying.
i still feel like i'm on the outside looking in. but deep in my heart i feel like there's a chance i'm on the right road. that there's hope. other tims i feel confident in that hope and it's more than just a chance.
that's how serious it is for me, it literally feels like a matter of life and death. it feels like i feel the weight of life and death and the importance of making the right decision. kinda like that new taye diggs series on abc called day break, except i don't get to start the same day over and over and make different choices. there's more going on then what it seems alot of people are aware of. any one feel me on that? cuz for real...there has to be more.
i started reading my bible on the regular starting with the book of Ruth. i'm in I Kings now and Solomon has started sacrificing to other gods. why man???? but who's to say i wouldn't have done the same thing right? but i digress. so seeing the beginning of his end and seeing how David fell before him and Saul before him, i'm eager to see what Solomon has to say in Ecclesiastes.
i'm seeing trends in how God reaches out to us and how we respond. what is that? what is it that's in us that makes us want to rebel? i know about sin, believe me i know about sin. but why is it there? i have other questions and/or thoughts on sin but that's for another post.
sorry if this post was too all over the place for anyone but i felt the need to be really real tonight. it's a hard walk and i get the feeling that more of us don't actually say it. some of us know the right things to say but aren't always living the way we talk. please don't get me wrong. i've said it before and i'll say it again, my desire is to know God, to love God with all my heart and soul. i think God is amazing. i don't think there's anyway any one person or groups of people could make up a story like this that would impact the world. the story being how God sent His son to die for us. when one considers the impact of the bible on the world!! and it's message? c'mon. i could go on, He is literally everywhere. so i know He's real. i'm just trying to think things through i guess.
alright, i've run out of words, plus i have to get to bed, gotta be up in 5 hours and i'm not really prepared. g'nite.
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