my collection is growing, slowly but surely. most recent pickups are metamorphosis by j.r. , i got it for free mixtape by e-pistle, to die is gain by stephen the levite and the great awakening by timothy brindle. to die is gain just got here yesterday, and i ordered it just this past friday!! i'm feelin all of these cd's!! i like metamorphosis even more than i expected. the great awakening is good also, it's an older cd so the beats remind me of an earlier period in hip hop but the cd flows very nicely. that's one thing i'm noticing about the lampmode crew and their cd's. they all flow very smoothly musically. they kinda remind me of some of the rock groups in the 70's that had theme albums, like pink floyd for ex. , i'm just talking flow here, no comparison. the e-pistle joint is hot, i love the beats and lyrics. i love the lyricism on all the above cd's! to some degree these are small sermons and i love how i get fed by these kats. they really help me to examine myself, especially when they're very honest about their own shortcomings and talk about the seriousness of being in a right standing with God. i haven't gotten to really listen to to die is gain fully yet, but from what i've heard i know i'll like it. there's a joint on there called "the darknes",whew, that first line, man those are some powerful lyrics.
so i think my next pickup will be lecrae's joint after the music stops, then possibly trip lee's if they only knew, kingdom people by tedashi and then revolutionary theme muzik by r-swift and i'm thinkin about jacob izreal's joint even louder. i love that song "Godly Life" and "If I should die". his style isn't my usual taste but i like what i've heard so far. these are all on the list and i'm sure there are more i forgot and depending on how i feel, the order may change of which ones i'll get first. ok, got some errands to run.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Friday, January 19, 2007
the parable of the sower
Matthew 13: 3-8 and Matthew 13: 18-23
3Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.
18"Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. 22The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. 23But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."
The soil among the thorns represented those who permit the Word of God in their hearts to be choked by the cares and pleasures of the alluring world (vv.7,22).That’s a dangerous possibility for anyone who thoughtlessly responds to God’s Word. The world may induce a forgetfulness of spiritual reality and responsibility.Do we allow the attractions of this world to keep us from reading and meditating on God’s Word? Prayerfully, let us strive to be like the one who “hears the Word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and produces” (v.23).When the sun sets tonight, let it not be said that we have forgotten God —Vernon C Grounds
this was today's devotion at our daily bread today. most of the time when i hear this passage i feel like i'm the one who lets the cares and worries of this world hinder my walk with the Lord. . like i've said before, God's standards are soooo high, it feels impossible to be a good, faithful servant. so much to learn, and i feel overwhelmed by it at times. learning how to let go and say "here Lord, my life is yours, do with it what you please" is hard for me. maybe it's hard for everyone. i don't know that i ever "forget" God, but i do get caught up in the busy-ness of life and when i slow down and think about how God may have different plans for my life, i struggle with trusting him with my whole inner being. trusting in the sense that i know that my way of thinking is not God's and i'd probably want things to be alot easier than how He would go about achieving His purpose in me. it's a battle, cuz at the same time i wanna be closer, i wanna know that God is with me and i'm with Him. i just need to get into His Word more, and to keep mediatating on it.
over at life time guarantee, the devotion for today was taken from Proverbs 4:20-22. anabel breaks down the verses and has a quote from A.W. Tozer which is;
"Spiritual gifts and graces come only to those who WANT them badly enough. It may be said without qualification that every man is as holy and as full of the Spirit as he WANTS to be. He may not be as full as he WISHES he were, but he is most certainly as full as he WANTS to be."
i can identify with that statement. alot of times we know, probably by the Holy Spirit's conviction, that there are areas in our lives that need some serious clean up and that God is not pleased with those areas. but we hold on to them and they stunt our growth in the Lord. since we know that we have these areas to clean up but haven't, in essence we're saying, "ok Lord, i've gotten this far, but this area i'm just not ready to let go off", thus we limit how much more God would bless us. so until we make that needed effort to become even more holy, we're as holy as we wanna be. i'm speaking from experience and hope that as i get closer to the Lord that my desire to be more spiritual and more holy, will push down the worries and cares of life, and it not only becomes a desire but something i strive for. strive: to exert oneself vigorously; try hard; to make strenuous efforts toward any goal.
3Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.
18"Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. 22The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. 23But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."
The soil among the thorns represented those who permit the Word of God in their hearts to be choked by the cares and pleasures of the alluring world (vv.7,22).That’s a dangerous possibility for anyone who thoughtlessly responds to God’s Word. The world may induce a forgetfulness of spiritual reality and responsibility.Do we allow the attractions of this world to keep us from reading and meditating on God’s Word? Prayerfully, let us strive to be like the one who “hears the Word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and produces” (v.23).When the sun sets tonight, let it not be said that we have forgotten God —Vernon C Grounds
this was today's devotion at our daily bread today. most of the time when i hear this passage i feel like i'm the one who lets the cares and worries of this world hinder my walk with the Lord. . like i've said before, God's standards are soooo high, it feels impossible to be a good, faithful servant. so much to learn, and i feel overwhelmed by it at times. learning how to let go and say "here Lord, my life is yours, do with it what you please" is hard for me. maybe it's hard for everyone. i don't know that i ever "forget" God, but i do get caught up in the busy-ness of life and when i slow down and think about how God may have different plans for my life, i struggle with trusting him with my whole inner being. trusting in the sense that i know that my way of thinking is not God's and i'd probably want things to be alot easier than how He would go about achieving His purpose in me. it's a battle, cuz at the same time i wanna be closer, i wanna know that God is with me and i'm with Him. i just need to get into His Word more, and to keep mediatating on it.
over at life time guarantee, the devotion for today was taken from Proverbs 4:20-22. anabel breaks down the verses and has a quote from A.W. Tozer which is;
"Spiritual gifts and graces come only to those who WANT them badly enough. It may be said without qualification that every man is as holy and as full of the Spirit as he WANTS to be. He may not be as full as he WISHES he were, but he is most certainly as full as he WANTS to be."
i can identify with that statement. alot of times we know, probably by the Holy Spirit's conviction, that there are areas in our lives that need some serious clean up and that God is not pleased with those areas. but we hold on to them and they stunt our growth in the Lord. since we know that we have these areas to clean up but haven't, in essence we're saying, "ok Lord, i've gotten this far, but this area i'm just not ready to let go off", thus we limit how much more God would bless us. so until we make that needed effort to become even more holy, we're as holy as we wanna be. i'm speaking from experience and hope that as i get closer to the Lord that my desire to be more spiritual and more holy, will push down the worries and cares of life, and it not only becomes a desire but something i strive for. strive: to exert oneself vigorously; try hard; to make strenuous efforts toward any goal.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
integrity
For Further Thought
In what ways have I been a person of integrity when it was tough? When have I failed? Whose standards do I live by? What do I need to change?
that was from today's devotional at Our Daily Bread. it was taken from Gen. 39: 1-12, the story of how joseph resisted potipher's wife. joseph was able to resist her because he valued following God's standards. potipher put joseph in charge of everything and trusted him not to touch his wife. i would like to have that kinda integrity and strive more to live according to God's standards even though i know they're very high. but the key word is strive: to exert oneself vigorously; try hard; to make strenuous efforts toward any goal. i need to try harder cuz i'm living by my own standards right now. so i need to change the effort i'm putting in. according to the definition of strive, i'm not making a strenous effort.
for example, this weekend i coulda tried alot harder. i had plenty of free time on my hands but spent it doing things that are definetly below God's standards. but that was yesterday and today is a new day. so far i got the day started off on the right foot by getting myself together last night so this morning wasn't a big rush to get out the door and it worked. and the kitchen is clean. so my next thing will be to pick up the clothes on the floor in my room. trying to set small goals and just to improve myself as a person. i went to the gym last night and had a semi intense workout. gonna take some time to get used to the new gym and the different crowd of people & the different types of machines. but it was a good workout and hopefully i'll be bringing the poundages up soon enough. i started eating right and i think i've dropped some off the love handles i was getting, now i need to start doing more ab work and more cardio. this should help with just playing once a week too. i'll start out with one cardio day a week (not including bball) and see how that works out. last night was tri's and calves, friday will be legs. for now i'll just do squats and hack squats for quads and lying leg curls and SLDL's for hammies. light to mid weight for pounds on all exercises and after the first warm up set, i'll keep the rep ranges between 8-10.
so today i will finish up on putting my memory verses in my new journal (physical not online) and writing some definitions of words that are commonly used in Christendom; also i'll start re-memorizing scripts.
In what ways have I been a person of integrity when it was tough? When have I failed? Whose standards do I live by? What do I need to change?
that was from today's devotional at Our Daily Bread. it was taken from Gen. 39: 1-12, the story of how joseph resisted potipher's wife. joseph was able to resist her because he valued following God's standards. potipher put joseph in charge of everything and trusted him not to touch his wife. i would like to have that kinda integrity and strive more to live according to God's standards even though i know they're very high. but the key word is strive: to exert oneself vigorously; try hard; to make strenuous efforts toward any goal. i need to try harder cuz i'm living by my own standards right now. so i need to change the effort i'm putting in. according to the definition of strive, i'm not making a strenous effort.
for example, this weekend i coulda tried alot harder. i had plenty of free time on my hands but spent it doing things that are definetly below God's standards. but that was yesterday and today is a new day. so far i got the day started off on the right foot by getting myself together last night so this morning wasn't a big rush to get out the door and it worked. and the kitchen is clean. so my next thing will be to pick up the clothes on the floor in my room. trying to set small goals and just to improve myself as a person. i went to the gym last night and had a semi intense workout. gonna take some time to get used to the new gym and the different crowd of people & the different types of machines. but it was a good workout and hopefully i'll be bringing the poundages up soon enough. i started eating right and i think i've dropped some off the love handles i was getting, now i need to start doing more ab work and more cardio. this should help with just playing once a week too. i'll start out with one cardio day a week (not including bball) and see how that works out. last night was tri's and calves, friday will be legs. for now i'll just do squats and hack squats for quads and lying leg curls and SLDL's for hammies. light to mid weight for pounds on all exercises and after the first warm up set, i'll keep the rep ranges between 8-10.
so today i will finish up on putting my memory verses in my new journal (physical not online) and writing some definitions of words that are commonly used in Christendom; also i'll start re-memorizing scripts.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
question about the word Glory
glory: from the Latin gloria, "fame, renown is used to denote the manifestation of God's presence in the Judeo-Christian religious tradition. In Hebrew it would probably be the word הוד Hod.
When I looked up the word renown, i got this defintion: a state of being widely acclaimed and highly honored.
I see alot of talk about glory to God and God does things for His glory. so my question is why would God need to get glory from us his creations? i guess as a christian one would already know and understand that since God is the creater of all things, we cannot take credit for anything. so with that understanding why would God need to get the glory or expect praise from us for the things He does? He didn't need us before the foundation of the world, He doesn't need us now, so why would God do things to get glory? God doesn't have to prove Himself to anyone, so i'm not sure i understand the way the word glory is being used in relation to God and Him getting His and doing things to get His. is there anyone that can explain this concept to me?
understand that the question is not out of irreverrance but just a desire to understand better. i've always felt that God wants and desires to have a relationship with us and that is His purpose ultimately. beyond that i can't say why else things go the way they do. and i guess this train of thought was sparked by a question asked about rape and whether or not God ordains, allows or even creates events that would lead to that happening.
edit: also i may need to rephrase the question so it's clearer as to what i mean.
When I looked up the word renown, i got this defintion: a state of being widely acclaimed and highly honored.
I see alot of talk about glory to God and God does things for His glory. so my question is why would God need to get glory from us his creations? i guess as a christian one would already know and understand that since God is the creater of all things, we cannot take credit for anything. so with that understanding why would God need to get the glory or expect praise from us for the things He does? He didn't need us before the foundation of the world, He doesn't need us now, so why would God do things to get glory? God doesn't have to prove Himself to anyone, so i'm not sure i understand the way the word glory is being used in relation to God and Him getting His and doing things to get His. is there anyone that can explain this concept to me?
understand that the question is not out of irreverrance but just a desire to understand better. i've always felt that God wants and desires to have a relationship with us and that is His purpose ultimately. beyond that i can't say why else things go the way they do. and i guess this train of thought was sparked by a question asked about rape and whether or not God ordains, allows or even creates events that would lead to that happening.
edit: also i may need to rephrase the question so it's clearer as to what i mean.
Friday, December 22, 2006
the sin problem
well, a few hours since my last post i came across two posts that we're actually encouraging because of the writer's transparency. first jenn wrote about the mortification of sin, and to me at least, it touched on some of what i was expressing in my previous post. then larosa posted a devotion about this incredible walk we're on.
jenn posted this over at hcr and one of the forum members responded with lyrics from a song that means alot to him. his hcr name is Conviction Music and you can check out his myspace page, he has an album in the works.
these lyrics also really say some things that are in my heart and express the frustration i feel at times:
You know the feeling when you tired and you stressed out/
you need to pray but your too prideful to just bow so you lie with ya chest out/
frontin like your fine, but in ya mind ya stretched out/
ya put you faith face on but deep in side ya fresh out/
Ya tell ya self, i cant believe that im faking/
but im scared they gone judge me if they see that im aching, see that im facing/
troubles thats gone lead to disgrace then, i'll be humbled once they see that im caged in/
im weak and ive straight sinned, my problems got me thinking i cant win/
now im going off on family, man, i mean it my faiths dim/
im 'pose to be a Christian full of love and not the flesh, but i confess this
weight is to heavy for me to squat or press/
i gotta rest, before this ungodliness topples me, sometimes i think/
that God is gotta be tired of watching me/
when most the time im leading cats to his face, this time its me that needs your love, im coming back to your grace/
hopefully i'll be in a better place soon. it's hard to explain, cuz as down as i feel at times i have confidence in God and that He's still shaping and molding me. i had more thoughts i wanted to write but they've left me for now. i'll be back later.
jenn posted this over at hcr and one of the forum members responded with lyrics from a song that means alot to him. his hcr name is Conviction Music and you can check out his myspace page, he has an album in the works.
these lyrics also really say some things that are in my heart and express the frustration i feel at times:
You know the feeling when you tired and you stressed out/
you need to pray but your too prideful to just bow so you lie with ya chest out/
frontin like your fine, but in ya mind ya stretched out/
ya put you faith face on but deep in side ya fresh out/
Ya tell ya self, i cant believe that im faking/
but im scared they gone judge me if they see that im aching, see that im facing/
troubles thats gone lead to disgrace then, i'll be humbled once they see that im caged in/
im weak and ive straight sinned, my problems got me thinking i cant win/
now im going off on family, man, i mean it my faiths dim/
im 'pose to be a Christian full of love and not the flesh, but i confess this
weight is to heavy for me to squat or press/
i gotta rest, before this ungodliness topples me, sometimes i think/
that God is gotta be tired of watching me/
when most the time im leading cats to his face, this time its me that needs your love, im coming back to your grace/
hopefully i'll be in a better place soon. it's hard to explain, cuz as down as i feel at times i have confidence in God and that He's still shaping and molding me. i had more thoughts i wanted to write but they've left me for now. i'll be back later.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
this battle
i get so tired of fighting this fight some times. sometimes it feels like it's all-consuming, like it's always there in the back of my mind. i'd appreciate it if more christans were real about that side of being a christian. talk about how it can feel like a weight at times, it's not always easy to trust. call it crazy or what ever but it's a reality.
at the same time my faith kicks in and says to trust Him cuz He's in control. but i wanna be in control. i wanna decide what way my life goes. lol...ironic right? my last post was about God's providence and this one is saying "i wanna drive!" but that's real, at least for me it is. i ride the fence sometimes and know it. i hate it when i do it, and probably while i'm ridin' it, it comes to mind. that's real y'all. real talk. i get tired, i dunno about anyone else. the thing is, i want to know what it is to rest in Him. i do rest in Him and then i pull right back.
the battle.
sometimes it's like i'm just in the mode where i'm thirsting to know more about God. about this mystery and sure enough here comes all kinds of distractions to lead you the total opposite direction. then i'll hear a song that makes me say i want that, i want to be that in love with God, and of course here comes the opposition. i feel it in my bones. it wears on me sometimes.
i fall short in so many areas. that's a hard reflection to look at. i've been reading alot. alot of debates about this doctrine and that doctrine. things i just never put any thought into before. it's alot to take in, and trying to navigate your way through can be a stumbling block. i think that's an appropriate use of that saying.
i still feel like i'm on the outside looking in. but deep in my heart i feel like there's a chance i'm on the right road. that there's hope. other tims i feel confident in that hope and it's more than just a chance.
that's how serious it is for me, it literally feels like a matter of life and death. it feels like i feel the weight of life and death and the importance of making the right decision. kinda like that new taye diggs series on abc called day break, except i don't get to start the same day over and over and make different choices. there's more going on then what it seems alot of people are aware of. any one feel me on that? cuz for real...there has to be more.
i started reading my bible on the regular starting with the book of Ruth. i'm in I Kings now and Solomon has started sacrificing to other gods. why man???? but who's to say i wouldn't have done the same thing right? but i digress. so seeing the beginning of his end and seeing how David fell before him and Saul before him, i'm eager to see what Solomon has to say in Ecclesiastes.
i'm seeing trends in how God reaches out to us and how we respond. what is that? what is it that's in us that makes us want to rebel? i know about sin, believe me i know about sin. but why is it there? i have other questions and/or thoughts on sin but that's for another post.
sorry if this post was too all over the place for anyone but i felt the need to be really real tonight. it's a hard walk and i get the feeling that more of us don't actually say it. some of us know the right things to say but aren't always living the way we talk. please don't get me wrong. i've said it before and i'll say it again, my desire is to know God, to love God with all my heart and soul. i think God is amazing. i don't think there's anyway any one person or groups of people could make up a story like this that would impact the world. the story being how God sent His son to die for us. when one considers the impact of the bible on the world!! and it's message? c'mon. i could go on, He is literally everywhere. so i know He's real. i'm just trying to think things through i guess.
alright, i've run out of words, plus i have to get to bed, gotta be up in 5 hours and i'm not really prepared. g'nite.
at the same time my faith kicks in and says to trust Him cuz He's in control. but i wanna be in control. i wanna decide what way my life goes. lol...ironic right? my last post was about God's providence and this one is saying "i wanna drive!" but that's real, at least for me it is. i ride the fence sometimes and know it. i hate it when i do it, and probably while i'm ridin' it, it comes to mind. that's real y'all. real talk. i get tired, i dunno about anyone else. the thing is, i want to know what it is to rest in Him. i do rest in Him and then i pull right back.
the battle.
sometimes it's like i'm just in the mode where i'm thirsting to know more about God. about this mystery and sure enough here comes all kinds of distractions to lead you the total opposite direction. then i'll hear a song that makes me say i want that, i want to be that in love with God, and of course here comes the opposition. i feel it in my bones. it wears on me sometimes.
i fall short in so many areas. that's a hard reflection to look at. i've been reading alot. alot of debates about this doctrine and that doctrine. things i just never put any thought into before. it's alot to take in, and trying to navigate your way through can be a stumbling block. i think that's an appropriate use of that saying.
i still feel like i'm on the outside looking in. but deep in my heart i feel like there's a chance i'm on the right road. that there's hope. other tims i feel confident in that hope and it's more than just a chance.
that's how serious it is for me, it literally feels like a matter of life and death. it feels like i feel the weight of life and death and the importance of making the right decision. kinda like that new taye diggs series on abc called day break, except i don't get to start the same day over and over and make different choices. there's more going on then what it seems alot of people are aware of. any one feel me on that? cuz for real...there has to be more.
i started reading my bible on the regular starting with the book of Ruth. i'm in I Kings now and Solomon has started sacrificing to other gods. why man???? but who's to say i wouldn't have done the same thing right? but i digress. so seeing the beginning of his end and seeing how David fell before him and Saul before him, i'm eager to see what Solomon has to say in Ecclesiastes.
i'm seeing trends in how God reaches out to us and how we respond. what is that? what is it that's in us that makes us want to rebel? i know about sin, believe me i know about sin. but why is it there? i have other questions and/or thoughts on sin but that's for another post.
sorry if this post was too all over the place for anyone but i felt the need to be really real tonight. it's a hard walk and i get the feeling that more of us don't actually say it. some of us know the right things to say but aren't always living the way we talk. please don't get me wrong. i've said it before and i'll say it again, my desire is to know God, to love God with all my heart and soul. i think God is amazing. i don't think there's anyway any one person or groups of people could make up a story like this that would impact the world. the story being how God sent His son to die for us. when one considers the impact of the bible on the world!! and it's message? c'mon. i could go on, He is literally everywhere. so i know He's real. i'm just trying to think things through i guess.
alright, i've run out of words, plus i have to get to bed, gotta be up in 5 hours and i'm not really prepared. g'nite.
Friday, December 15, 2006
providence
this is life is a trip. sometimes things line up in such a way that you can't help feel like it's too much of a coincidence and somehow you know it's not.
it's been awhile since i posted and alot has happened. we've had a few guys leave on the desktop team here at work. a friend of mine was one and i wasn't happy to see him go. he's a good guy, he seems to have a heart that desires to know God. he listens to gospel and opened my ears up to some artist and we just got along. it was good to have someone around to talk about God with. about a week after he left, another friend of mine left. he's a christian also and i didn't find that out until about a month before he left. he likes christian rap and was surprised to find out i did and had quite a bit of music. i made a mix cd for him to check out some artists he hadn't heard of. he surprised me by letting me know he wanted to stay in contact outside of work and appreciated the conversations we had, especially since they were about Christ and living the christian life. to my surprise again, i got an email from him saying wassup, but i was so busy at work i couldn't make time to respond so i'll get back to him on monday. so we're down a few guys at work, and actually a third guy left the same day as my first friend. my two friends who left were both young christian men in different stages of their walk, but it was good to have them as co-workers which is rare.
so check it, now we're down three guys overall and we need two at my site. we need four guys to support my site and we need two asap. (be patient, i'm building it up.) we're told that two guys have been hired and will be starting soon. only one guy shows up and we get introduced. he's a very large man, about six three and in the two hundred plus range. when we walked into a dept to work on a computer, he was behind me and i walked up to the person saying "uh huh, say it now!" "now what?!?" just being silly cuz he's so big!! anyway back in our office we get to talkin and i find out he's about 10yrs older than me and has quite a bit of experience in the field. at some point he says that he's not sure why the Lord brought him here but he'll find out. the conversation continues and he says something about the Lord again. so ee head out to look at a computer in the dept i mentioned earlier and it happens to be a girl that i've mentioned on the blog before. she's grown so much in her walk with the Lord since we've met!! turns out they know each other! she recognized him and knew what city he was from and they realized they knew each other from church!! she knows his wife and they have other friends in common. she tells him how we (me and her) know each other and things take off from there. later i tell him that i feel like God sent him here for me, or at least thats part of it. lol. he teaches sunday school and is in the praise group at his church. he knows a woman who baby sat my son and may know my sister cuz she went to that church for awhile. he lives in the town i just moved from which is about 15 mins away and to top it off...he's into hhh!! what?!?! he knows some local artists cuz they've performed at his church and his wife has sang on a couple of their tracks. the artist is Disciple who's from boston and recently performed at a church i used to attend. isn't that crazy!?? he even had cd's on him for me to check out!! i'm gonna make a mix cd for his 10yr son cuz someone at a private christian school, lol, introduced him to a song by a secular artist named akon. his lyrics are not for 10yr olds and not for 10yr old christian boys. we discussed it and he's down with it. he uses the topical memory system for memorizing scripture, which is the same method i use, he just puts them on buisness cards. i just think it's amazing that a third christian has come to work here at my site and he seems to be a very solid brother for Christ. he studies the Word, looks up the original meaning of words to get a better understanding, which is something i've been doing also. it's exciting and has lifted me up already, and we've already had discussions about scripture and life experiences. God is good and i feel so undeserving of His blessings sometimes, know what i mean? but i'm glad and i'm hoping alot of iron sharpening iron will be going on.
i finally got shai linne's solus christus project!! it's a great cd and i love it. i've heard a few of the songs on hcr radio and on the internet so it's wasn't like a brand new cd but i love how it flows from one song to the next. the concepts were well put together and you could feel his heart on just about every song it seems. really for me, there's not one song i'd skip. dark night of the soul, my portion, mic check 1.2 with phanatik and stephen the levite and random thoughts are the songs that get played alot right now, angelz ft. evangel and tim brindle are also hot pieces. the best thing was i got the cd in a week!! i was thinking two maybe three weeks, especially since pay pal originally had the wrong mailing address for me and i had to send an email to lampmode to let them know. so my next pick up is gonna be the great awakening by timothy brindle. i've heard good things about that cd and i like timothy brindle alot so i'm sure i'll be fed by it and enjoy it. next on the list; to die is gain by stephen the levite and after the music stops by lecrae. i'm not sure which i'll get first. recently i've also picked up; living proof by zee, genocide by the yunion, in the meantime by bmorr and a few free singles here and there. i'm feeling all of the cd's i mentioned. bmorr surprised me, i really like his flow and topics. some songs that stand out for me are at the gates, self worship and life goes on. on zee's album heaven ain't got no ghetoo is a great song, and i can't remember the other titles from that cd cuz it's been awhile since i listened to it. the yunion cd is full of tight songs, great production and gritty beats and the skits were funny. ok, i think i'll call it a night, at least for blogging. check out my radio blog, dark night of the soul and my portion are up there, give them a listen.
it's been awhile since i posted and alot has happened. we've had a few guys leave on the desktop team here at work. a friend of mine was one and i wasn't happy to see him go. he's a good guy, he seems to have a heart that desires to know God. he listens to gospel and opened my ears up to some artist and we just got along. it was good to have someone around to talk about God with. about a week after he left, another friend of mine left. he's a christian also and i didn't find that out until about a month before he left. he likes christian rap and was surprised to find out i did and had quite a bit of music. i made a mix cd for him to check out some artists he hadn't heard of. he surprised me by letting me know he wanted to stay in contact outside of work and appreciated the conversations we had, especially since they were about Christ and living the christian life. to my surprise again, i got an email from him saying wassup, but i was so busy at work i couldn't make time to respond so i'll get back to him on monday. so we're down a few guys at work, and actually a third guy left the same day as my first friend. my two friends who left were both young christian men in different stages of their walk, but it was good to have them as co-workers which is rare.
so check it, now we're down three guys overall and we need two at my site. we need four guys to support my site and we need two asap. (be patient, i'm building it up.) we're told that two guys have been hired and will be starting soon. only one guy shows up and we get introduced. he's a very large man, about six three and in the two hundred plus range. when we walked into a dept to work on a computer, he was behind me and i walked up to the person saying "uh huh, say it now!" "now what?!?" just being silly cuz he's so big!! anyway back in our office we get to talkin and i find out he's about 10yrs older than me and has quite a bit of experience in the field. at some point he says that he's not sure why the Lord brought him here but he'll find out. the conversation continues and he says something about the Lord again. so ee head out to look at a computer in the dept i mentioned earlier and it happens to be a girl that i've mentioned on the blog before. she's grown so much in her walk with the Lord since we've met!! turns out they know each other! she recognized him and knew what city he was from and they realized they knew each other from church!! she knows his wife and they have other friends in common. she tells him how we (me and her) know each other and things take off from there. later i tell him that i feel like God sent him here for me, or at least thats part of it. lol. he teaches sunday school and is in the praise group at his church. he knows a woman who baby sat my son and may know my sister cuz she went to that church for awhile. he lives in the town i just moved from which is about 15 mins away and to top it off...he's into hhh!! what?!?! he knows some local artists cuz they've performed at his church and his wife has sang on a couple of their tracks. the artist is Disciple who's from boston and recently performed at a church i used to attend. isn't that crazy!?? he even had cd's on him for me to check out!! i'm gonna make a mix cd for his 10yr son cuz someone at a private christian school, lol, introduced him to a song by a secular artist named akon. his lyrics are not for 10yr olds and not for 10yr old christian boys. we discussed it and he's down with it. he uses the topical memory system for memorizing scripture, which is the same method i use, he just puts them on buisness cards. i just think it's amazing that a third christian has come to work here at my site and he seems to be a very solid brother for Christ. he studies the Word, looks up the original meaning of words to get a better understanding, which is something i've been doing also. it's exciting and has lifted me up already, and we've already had discussions about scripture and life experiences. God is good and i feel so undeserving of His blessings sometimes, know what i mean? but i'm glad and i'm hoping alot of iron sharpening iron will be going on.
i finally got shai linne's solus christus project!! it's a great cd and i love it. i've heard a few of the songs on hcr radio and on the internet so it's wasn't like a brand new cd but i love how it flows from one song to the next. the concepts were well put together and you could feel his heart on just about every song it seems. really for me, there's not one song i'd skip. dark night of the soul, my portion, mic check 1.2 with phanatik and stephen the levite and random thoughts are the songs that get played alot right now, angelz ft. evangel and tim brindle are also hot pieces. the best thing was i got the cd in a week!! i was thinking two maybe three weeks, especially since pay pal originally had the wrong mailing address for me and i had to send an email to lampmode to let them know. so my next pick up is gonna be the great awakening by timothy brindle. i've heard good things about that cd and i like timothy brindle alot so i'm sure i'll be fed by it and enjoy it. next on the list; to die is gain by stephen the levite and after the music stops by lecrae. i'm not sure which i'll get first. recently i've also picked up; living proof by zee, genocide by the yunion, in the meantime by bmorr and a few free singles here and there. i'm feeling all of the cd's i mentioned. bmorr surprised me, i really like his flow and topics. some songs that stand out for me are at the gates, self worship and life goes on. on zee's album heaven ain't got no ghetoo is a great song, and i can't remember the other titles from that cd cuz it's been awhile since i listened to it. the yunion cd is full of tight songs, great production and gritty beats and the skits were funny. ok, i think i'll call it a night, at least for blogging. check out my radio blog, dark night of the soul and my portion are up there, give them a listen.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
He is such a mystery
God is such a mystery to me. i go through periods of doubt and lots of questions and they push me away from Him. but eventually i go back to Him. and i can't explain it, of course i don't expect that i should. but i read His word and it affects me. there's always this "pull" to know more, to understand better. looking at doctrine, especially calvinism, i came up with lots of questions but i didn't pray for the answers to them. i looked for them in the Word, but i didn't really talk to Him about them. i actually got upset and it just made me question more. this is not a knock on that doctrine, just a statement on what little i looked into caused me to feel this way. is it me? is it something in me that says i'm not sure i agree with that? i think i'd struggle with things i find in the arminian doctrine also. who knows?? i stopped carrying and reading my bible on the train. my bag was feeling heavy and truthfully it does add weight when you factor in my laptop and lunch and other things i carry. but i grabbed it when i came in today, cuz i wanna read it again. hoping it'll help me have a better understanding of God. i think my perception of Him is off, that's the best way i can say it. but who does have the complete and correct view of Him?
anyway, i'm finding myself surrounded more and more by people who have some kind of relationship with the Lord and are wanting to have a better one. it's kinda weird, and i noticed it last night when i took stock of the conversations i'm having at work lately. one guy in particular caught me by surprise. me and another co-worker where talking about whether or not the Sabbath should be kept. actually i just made that statement that that is sometimes a debate-able topic for some people, and of course we kinda started debating over it. well the other person joins in and has some good stuff to add to the conversation in general. and we've talked since and it seems his heart is sincere cuz he talked about wanting his family to get saved too. he also talked about wanting to live a more obedient life and some of the struggles he's been having lately. another thing that came up was the need for a community of christians to help you and build you up in your walk. and i volunteered to try and help lift him up and told him we could try to build together!! whoa...where did that come from?? not my normal m.o. we'll see how things go. i told him that there are other christians i've come across in my "travels" through our work place and that some of us encourage each other.
He's a mystery. i'm still struggling in this walk, and i'm more willing to talk about my faith than ever before. i still have questions and push back alot, but i'm still hungry for Him. i try not to use terms that are common in Christendom but hungry is the best way to describe it right now. He is irresistable but in a subtle way, at least with me. i'm starting to babble now. just wanted to "write" my thoughts while i had the time and the urge.
anyway, i'm finding myself surrounded more and more by people who have some kind of relationship with the Lord and are wanting to have a better one. it's kinda weird, and i noticed it last night when i took stock of the conversations i'm having at work lately. one guy in particular caught me by surprise. me and another co-worker where talking about whether or not the Sabbath should be kept. actually i just made that statement that that is sometimes a debate-able topic for some people, and of course we kinda started debating over it. well the other person joins in and has some good stuff to add to the conversation in general. and we've talked since and it seems his heart is sincere cuz he talked about wanting his family to get saved too. he also talked about wanting to live a more obedient life and some of the struggles he's been having lately. another thing that came up was the need for a community of christians to help you and build you up in your walk. and i volunteered to try and help lift him up and told him we could try to build together!! whoa...where did that come from?? not my normal m.o. we'll see how things go. i told him that there are other christians i've come across in my "travels" through our work place and that some of us encourage each other.
He's a mystery. i'm still struggling in this walk, and i'm more willing to talk about my faith than ever before. i still have questions and push back alot, but i'm still hungry for Him. i try not to use terms that are common in Christendom but hungry is the best way to describe it right now. He is irresistable but in a subtle way, at least with me. i'm starting to babble now. just wanted to "write" my thoughts while i had the time and the urge.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
A Stubborn Little Lamb
A Stubborn Little Lamb
Tuesday, November 7, 2006 by Anabel Gillham
As for God, His way is blameless.
Psalm 18:30
For the Lord your God is a compassionate God.
Deuteronomy 4:31
Whom He foreknew, He also predestined
to become conformed to the image of His Son.
Romans 8:29
I am confident of this very thing, that
He who began a good work in you will
perfect it.
Philippians 1:6
"Cmon, Buttons, you can do it! Jump! Hey, you're supposed to go over the poles,not try to knock them down with your head! Jump! Please jump!"
Sherrie watched as the lamb tried every way to get around or under the hurdle rather than to jump over it. He was dirty and completely exhausted, and she was dirty and completely exhausted.
It was only three months until the first competition, and this stubborn Buttons adamantly refused to do what she knew must be done in order to win. She picked him up and put him over the barricade. She guided him through her legs and arms, making a tunnel that would be his only way to go. No success. She was dealing with an obstinate, stupid, rebellious little sheep.
This wasn't the first time Sherrie had entered a lamb in the livestock show, but it was the first time she had experienced such difficulty in training an animal that was bent on bucking someone so much bigger and smarter than he was. And she wasn't doing anything that would hurt him . . . only what it would take to make him into a prizewinning sheep.
Sherrie had tried everything to get him to go through this simple routine that was needed to strengthen his hindquarters. It was an important point in the judging, so she was obviously going to have to take more drastic measures. She had put his food on the other side of the hurdle and the silly little lamb still balked. In fact, he nearly wore himself out trying to get under the hurdle.
What to do? "Well, Ill just put in more barriers to where he can't possibly get under the barricade or go around it. He will have to go over it! Why he's so determined to go against what I have planned for him, and where he got it into his little brain that I'm trying to hurt him or that I'm doing something that will ruin his life, is beyond me."
All of us like sheep have gone astray,
Each of us has turned to his own way.
Isaiah 53:6
Hmmmmm. I think I understand a little better now why were sometimes compared to sheep in Your Word.
My head is throbbing from trying to knock my problems out of the way. I'm weary. Exhausted. Bewildered. And why am I so determined that what You allow to come into my life is meant to hurt me or to wreck my plans, when Your only purpose is to make me into a prizewinning sheep?
Im sorry, Lord. Thank You for working so hard with me. And I'm very thankful to know that You aren't going to give up on me.
My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.
John 10:27
Come to think of it, You're the only One who knows the date of the competition. Maybe You're working overtime on some of us?
hmmmm....that's me right now....
from today's devotional at life time guarantee
Tuesday, November 7, 2006 by Anabel Gillham
As for God, His way is blameless.
Psalm 18:30
For the Lord your God is a compassionate God.
Deuteronomy 4:31
Whom He foreknew, He also predestined
to become conformed to the image of His Son.
Romans 8:29
I am confident of this very thing, that
He who began a good work in you will
perfect it.
Philippians 1:6
"Cmon, Buttons, you can do it! Jump! Hey, you're supposed to go over the poles,not try to knock them down with your head! Jump! Please jump!"
Sherrie watched as the lamb tried every way to get around or under the hurdle rather than to jump over it. He was dirty and completely exhausted, and she was dirty and completely exhausted.
It was only three months until the first competition, and this stubborn Buttons adamantly refused to do what she knew must be done in order to win. She picked him up and put him over the barricade. She guided him through her legs and arms, making a tunnel that would be his only way to go. No success. She was dealing with an obstinate, stupid, rebellious little sheep.
This wasn't the first time Sherrie had entered a lamb in the livestock show, but it was the first time she had experienced such difficulty in training an animal that was bent on bucking someone so much bigger and smarter than he was. And she wasn't doing anything that would hurt him . . . only what it would take to make him into a prizewinning sheep.
Sherrie had tried everything to get him to go through this simple routine that was needed to strengthen his hindquarters. It was an important point in the judging, so she was obviously going to have to take more drastic measures. She had put his food on the other side of the hurdle and the silly little lamb still balked. In fact, he nearly wore himself out trying to get under the hurdle.
What to do? "Well, Ill just put in more barriers to where he can't possibly get under the barricade or go around it. He will have to go over it! Why he's so determined to go against what I have planned for him, and where he got it into his little brain that I'm trying to hurt him or that I'm doing something that will ruin his life, is beyond me."
All of us like sheep have gone astray,
Each of us has turned to his own way.
Isaiah 53:6
Hmmmmm. I think I understand a little better now why were sometimes compared to sheep in Your Word.
My head is throbbing from trying to knock my problems out of the way. I'm weary. Exhausted. Bewildered. And why am I so determined that what You allow to come into my life is meant to hurt me or to wreck my plans, when Your only purpose is to make me into a prizewinning sheep?
Im sorry, Lord. Thank You for working so hard with me. And I'm very thankful to know that You aren't going to give up on me.
My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.
John 10:27
Come to think of it, You're the only One who knows the date of the competition. Maybe You're working overtime on some of us?
hmmmm....that's me right now....
from today's devotional at life time guarantee
Friday, October 06, 2006
so much to say....
and not enough time that's a (redeemed thought) song. sorry, been real busy at work and right now i don't have internet access at home. i had so many thoughts that i wanted to put down this week. thoughts on God's sovereignty and His purpose in our lives. ummm...our purpose as a whole, kinda like "why are we here?" questions, i guess that's what you call them. observations that i have about how we as Christians interact with one another. also some thoughts on my own inner turmoil. why my inner man resists God so much, but at the same time there's a burning desire to live for God (it's so tiring). but time has not allowed it. i'm considering taking a break from HCR and spending more time discovering God for myself. i've been doing alot of reading there and taking alot of what i observe in, trying to learn and grow. but there's alot to muddle through. so to my legion of readers (lololol) sorry i haven't posted in a minute. but i will leave you with this thought. have you ever asked yourself or thought to ask God:
what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him? - psalm 8:4
i've asked myself that question alot lately. especially in light of how corrupt we are. like my man phanatik says "i'm buggin how God ain't flamin up the oven yet". in a day and age when men are going into schools and killing little girls, and kids are going into school killing each other and sometimes anyone in their sight, and all the evil that is so prevelant in this world, what is it about us that God is mindful of us. mindful enough to send His Son to die for us??
what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him? - psalm 8:4
i've asked myself that question alot lately. especially in light of how corrupt we are. like my man phanatik says "i'm buggin how God ain't flamin up the oven yet". in a day and age when men are going into schools and killing little girls, and kids are going into school killing each other and sometimes anyone in their sight, and all the evil that is so prevelant in this world, what is it about us that God is mindful of us. mindful enough to send His Son to die for us??
Thursday, September 21, 2006
theology and doctrine hmmm
i've been a believer for quite some time, since i was a young child. but it wasn't until recently that i became aware of theology and doctrine. i mean i've heard those words before, but that's all they were. well not really, i knew they meant something but wasn't sure exactly what and i didn't know their importance. well thanks mostly to alot of the reading i do at holycultureradio.com forum, i'm starting to do some investigating. it's mostly due to alot of the debates that have been going on at the message board, mostly around Calvinism and Arminianism. more of that kinda talk is done at the general theology board. right nowthis one in particular is pretty good and people are talking without throwing insults around. it's a much better read then some of the previous threads. now when it comes to which group i may fall under, i wouldn't say that i am one or the other, but if it came down to it, i'd probably be considered Arminian. some of the discussions that go on at the site, i've had with other friends to some degree, but nothing like these guys. there's alot of talk about church history and stuff i've just never heard of. but just like the discussions i've had with the guys, it's caused me to dig deeper, which is good, cuz i need to spend more time in the Word and in prayer. the good thing about not being involved in the dicusssions on the board for me is that i don't go into the Word with the mindset that i'm gonna prove someone else wrong. i am earnestly seeking though, to see if what this or that person says lines up with Scripture. i'm also just trying to get know God better. it's sooo much though man, all the doctrinal beliefs, alot of heady stuff, lots of terms to learn and some of the writers (writers of doctrine) were from different time periods so i have to get through their different way of speaking or writing as it were. hopefully this lasts for me, cuz i can get really into something then either just drop it or slowly fade out of it. but the desire is there now and it really stems from a desire to know God and to be the man He intends me to be. but it's time to go, gotta train to catch!!
Monday, September 18, 2006
me and the homeless
i have an issue with the homeless that i see pretty much daily during my commute to and from work. first let start off by saying i worked in a homeless shelter for 7yrs. it was a shelter for homeless, mentally ill substance abusers. so i am familiar with the community. most shelters make the clients leave the shelter for the day, usually there's some activities they can go to or other programs. my issue is i see the same homeless people just about everyday in the same spot with their cups out. and i don't know if it's cuz i've experienced that community of people up close or just something ugly inside me but i get kinda angry seeing them there every day. sorry if that sounds harsh. but i saw a dude out there who i've seen for about a year now with new sneakers on! i dunno, but i wonder what my response should be. it's not like i've got money to spare really. i really don't. but at the same time, as a christian how should my heart be responding? it just seems suspect to see them in the same spot every day with their cups out. when it's a game day more homeless come out and they find strategic places to sit. one guy on crutches stands and holds the door to the commuter rail station open with a cup in his other hand. c'mon now, talk about pulling on your heart strings.
Proverbs 21:13
If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor,he too will cry out and not be answered.
Proverbs 28:27
He who gives to the poor will lack nothing, but he who closes his eyes to them receives many curses.
Proverbs 19:17
He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward him for what he has done.
my concern is what are they using that money for? i don't want to contribute to any "habits". i don't wanna be one of many being exploited.
i do give though. i don't give as often as i see them, cuz that's every day but i do give and i'd like to be able to give more. or to take someone out to lunch or breakfast. get to know their story maybe. that would be a good thing to do. maybe some day i'll be that kind of person or i'll go with someone else who is. eh who knows. i do know i'd like to not feel such a tug of war when i see a homeless person, not feel so annoyed. i think the work i did in the homeless shelter also effects my thinking and when i remember that alot of them have some sort of mental illness, it's something else to consider. i also know it's by God's grace i'm not in that position and i hope to have a softer heart some day.
Proverbs 21:13
If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor,he too will cry out and not be answered.
Proverbs 28:27
He who gives to the poor will lack nothing, but he who closes his eyes to them receives many curses.
Proverbs 19:17
He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward him for what he has done.
my concern is what are they using that money for? i don't want to contribute to any "habits". i don't wanna be one of many being exploited.
i do give though. i don't give as often as i see them, cuz that's every day but i do give and i'd like to be able to give more. or to take someone out to lunch or breakfast. get to know their story maybe. that would be a good thing to do. maybe some day i'll be that kind of person or i'll go with someone else who is. eh who knows. i do know i'd like to not feel such a tug of war when i see a homeless person, not feel so annoyed. i think the work i did in the homeless shelter also effects my thinking and when i remember that alot of them have some sort of mental illness, it's something else to consider. i also know it's by God's grace i'm not in that position and i hope to have a softer heart some day.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Learning To Walk
Today's Devotion from Our Daily Bread
Learning To Walk
I remember those days long ago when our children were learning to walk. First they showed their readiness by pulling themselves up and taking a tentative step or two. My wife and I would reach out our hands and encourage them to walk toward us. We held them up by their hands or by the suspenders on their overalls. We praised every effort and encouraged every attempt. We never grew discouraged, nor did we give up until they learned to walk.
So it is with our heavenly Father: He “taught [Israel] to walk” (Hos. 11:3). He took His children “by their arms” and “drew them with gentle cords, with bands of love” (vv.3-4).
Our heavenly Father stands before us with outstretched arms, encouraging us toward holiness, eager to catch us when we stumble. He picks us up when we fall. He is never discouraged with our progress, nor will He ever give up. The more difficult we find the process, the more care and kindness He expends.
George MacDonald put it this way: “God will help us when we cannot walk, and He will help us when we find it hard to walk, but He cannot help us if we will not walk.” Even though you fall, you must try again. Your Father holds you by the hand. —David H. Roper
Savior, let me walk beside Thee,
Let me feel my hand in Thine;
Let me know the joy of walking
In Thy strength and not in mine. —Sidebotham
We can’t run the Christian race until we learn to walk.
just what i needed to hear today. in my heart i want so badly to live for God. live a life that's pleasing to Him. not one that just appears that way from the outside. i know my heart and it needs work. i keep trying to do it my way and rely on my own strength and i fail every time, and with the quickness too! but i'm trying to communicate more with Him and i feel a strong desire to know Him more, to know what it really means to have the heart and mind of Christ.
i'm getting back into my scripture memorization. at first the verses i was memorizing were about living the christian life, i think now i'm going to try and memorize scripture that speaks of God's love for me. alot of times in my mind i think He's sitting and waiting for me to mess up, as if He's against me. but i know that's not true. this is the first one i'm going to add to my list;
Psalms 84:11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.
it's kinda funny that timothy brindle quotes this verse in "blessings of obedience" from the killing sin album, and i was planning on looking it up. then while doing a search on purity on desiringgod.org this week, this was a verse that i came up on.
so for now, i think my memory verses will focus a little more on His promises. ok, i have some work to do. i'll be back (you know...said like arnold schwarzenegger)
Learning To Walk
I remember those days long ago when our children were learning to walk. First they showed their readiness by pulling themselves up and taking a tentative step or two. My wife and I would reach out our hands and encourage them to walk toward us. We held them up by their hands or by the suspenders on their overalls. We praised every effort and encouraged every attempt. We never grew discouraged, nor did we give up until they learned to walk.
So it is with our heavenly Father: He “taught [Israel] to walk” (Hos. 11:3). He took His children “by their arms” and “drew them with gentle cords, with bands of love” (vv.3-4).
Our heavenly Father stands before us with outstretched arms, encouraging us toward holiness, eager to catch us when we stumble. He picks us up when we fall. He is never discouraged with our progress, nor will He ever give up. The more difficult we find the process, the more care and kindness He expends.
George MacDonald put it this way: “God will help us when we cannot walk, and He will help us when we find it hard to walk, but He cannot help us if we will not walk.” Even though you fall, you must try again. Your Father holds you by the hand. —David H. Roper
Savior, let me walk beside Thee,
Let me feel my hand in Thine;
Let me know the joy of walking
In Thy strength and not in mine. —Sidebotham
We can’t run the Christian race until we learn to walk.
just what i needed to hear today. in my heart i want so badly to live for God. live a life that's pleasing to Him. not one that just appears that way from the outside. i know my heart and it needs work. i keep trying to do it my way and rely on my own strength and i fail every time, and with the quickness too! but i'm trying to communicate more with Him and i feel a strong desire to know Him more, to know what it really means to have the heart and mind of Christ.
i'm getting back into my scripture memorization. at first the verses i was memorizing were about living the christian life, i think now i'm going to try and memorize scripture that speaks of God's love for me. alot of times in my mind i think He's sitting and waiting for me to mess up, as if He's against me. but i know that's not true. this is the first one i'm going to add to my list;
Psalms 84:11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.
it's kinda funny that timothy brindle quotes this verse in "blessings of obedience" from the killing sin album, and i was planning on looking it up. then while doing a search on purity on desiringgod.org this week, this was a verse that i came up on.
so for now, i think my memory verses will focus a little more on His promises. ok, i have some work to do. i'll be back (you know...said like arnold schwarzenegger)
Thursday, September 07, 2006
new music on the radio blog
Finally!! i've been slacking with this blog as a whole, but the radioblog hasn't had anything new for a hot minute! Some music from Smokie Norful, who i just discovered. well, i've seen his album cover a while back but i was too immersed in my discovery of hhh at the time, lol. then a friend let me listen to his cd and i love what i hear. so technically i didn't discover him, but i digress. hehe. umm, there's a new song from this cat named BDill, check him out on his myspace page. then there's a song from the 116 Clique, one of my fav praise songs. i can't wait to get lecrea's latest, "after the music stops"!! i've heard snippets and i think this will be a cd that will be on heavy rotation once i get it. i love that song "jesus musik". i haven't mentioned it yet, i don't think i have anyway, but i've met some christians here at work and we've been building and we share a love for music. one of my friends loves gospel music and has turned me on to a few artists, Smokie being one of them, so i'm even closer to expanding my musical horizons and changing my music collection. i'm still sooo behind, still haven't picked up the solus christus project by shaii linne, and the great awakening by timothy brindle and why hiphop 2k6. and now cross movement has chronicles greatest hits vol.1 out, and i still haven't gotten metamorphasis by j.r. after hearing some tedashi i think i could possibly like his cd kingdom people too, and Trip Lee's project if they only knew, i like his flow. hmmm...let's see...then there's r-swifts' album, revolutionary theme musik, and stephen the levite's new solo joint, to die is gain, which i have a feeling will have some meaty stuff on it. oohh, there's more but right now, those are on the top of my list. then i'll have to pick up some gospel cd's...i'll list those another time.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
What do You See?
i love this song, and seeing someone made a video to go with it....love it. Powerful song and the video just adds to it. i haven't seen the movie yet (gasp...i know) but i do planning on seeing it. this was hard to watch though but it's something we as believers should consider and remember.
a brief summer update
the summer is almost over and it was a pretty good summer. we didn't spend any time at the cape this summer like previous summers. i haven't spoken to my friend that runs the hotel we stay at which is unlike us. i haven't spoken to him all summer. i need to contact him to say what's up. i noticed he hasn't been calling since about january and for awhile i got that weird feeling like there was a reason. but i've seen him since then and everything seemed to be cool. but i need to reach out and make sure everything is cool.
my wife and i kept pretty busy and going to the cape may have been more of a hassle at times. with gas prices being as high as they are and us struggling financially it would have hurt us more than anything. especially since she ended up getting fired from her first nursing position after graduating. it's a long story and it wasn't a just firing. she could've easily sued since it was due to some medical issues she was having that caused her to miss some work. she disclosed this to her supervisor and didn't get a warning or anything. she had to ask if she was being fired!! she had worked for this hospital for 4 yrs as a nurse's aid, worked during her pregancy and even did double-shifts during her pregnancy. but it all worked out because we had company for most of august into july.
my dad came up and stayed with us for two weeks and then my sister came up the day after he left and stayed for ten days. if she was working she wouldn't have gotten to spend any time with either of them, and they might not have gotten to spend too much time with junior, the main reason they came to visit. it was the first time my dad was meeting his grandson and the second time my sister was seeing her nephew since he was born. so july was pretty booked up for us. my wife got a job at a higher pay rate at a different hospital and she loves the job. also it's a faith based hospital that refuses to do abortions and offers spiritual couseling which she is happy about. when she was at the other job she used to offer to pray for or with patients and most people were receptive to it. anyway she's happier here now and it's all worked out, she says getting fired was the best thing to happen. we've also had some other things going on, medical issues with her that i may get into another time.
working out has been going well, and i'll be joining the local Gold's gym which i'm pretty excited about. for the first time ever i worked out for a full year and i've definetly made some gains. except for taking a week or two off here and there either due to illness or just needing rest i was very consistent. and i've done pretty good with the nutrition side of it too. i put on some unwanted fat but since working out at Gold's i've been able to drop some of it without sacrificing lean body mass. i've been working out at Gold's for the past two weeks, they had a special going where anyone could work out there for a month for free.
it's just about lunch time for me, i'll post some more later, if not today, hopefully tomorrow. my walk has still been a struggle for me, maybe i can put some of into writing. meanwhile, check it - i loved this comic book character when i was into comic books for a brief moment in time and low behold...it's me! lol
my wife and i kept pretty busy and going to the cape may have been more of a hassle at times. with gas prices being as high as they are and us struggling financially it would have hurt us more than anything. especially since she ended up getting fired from her first nursing position after graduating. it's a long story and it wasn't a just firing. she could've easily sued since it was due to some medical issues she was having that caused her to miss some work. she disclosed this to her supervisor and didn't get a warning or anything. she had to ask if she was being fired!! she had worked for this hospital for 4 yrs as a nurse's aid, worked during her pregancy and even did double-shifts during her pregnancy. but it all worked out because we had company for most of august into july.
my dad came up and stayed with us for two weeks and then my sister came up the day after he left and stayed for ten days. if she was working she wouldn't have gotten to spend any time with either of them, and they might not have gotten to spend too much time with junior, the main reason they came to visit. it was the first time my dad was meeting his grandson and the second time my sister was seeing her nephew since he was born. so july was pretty booked up for us. my wife got a job at a higher pay rate at a different hospital and she loves the job. also it's a faith based hospital that refuses to do abortions and offers spiritual couseling which she is happy about. when she was at the other job she used to offer to pray for or with patients and most people were receptive to it. anyway she's happier here now and it's all worked out, she says getting fired was the best thing to happen. we've also had some other things going on, medical issues with her that i may get into another time.
working out has been going well, and i'll be joining the local Gold's gym which i'm pretty excited about. for the first time ever i worked out for a full year and i've definetly made some gains. except for taking a week or two off here and there either due to illness or just needing rest i was very consistent. and i've done pretty good with the nutrition side of it too. i put on some unwanted fat but since working out at Gold's i've been able to drop some of it without sacrificing lean body mass. i've been working out at Gold's for the past two weeks, they had a special going where anyone could work out there for a month for free.
it's just about lunch time for me, i'll post some more later, if not today, hopefully tomorrow. my walk has still been a struggle for me, maybe i can put some of into writing. meanwhile, check it - i loved this comic book character when i was into comic books for a brief moment in time and low behold...it's me! lol
Dedicated to Me
You lightly broke your solemn vows to me,yet I will keep the pledge I made to you when you were young.I will establish an everlasting covenant with you forever.Ezekiel 16: 59-60 TLB
I see myself in that verse of scripture. The day that I followed my Dad to the front of the First Christian Church of Poteau, Oklahoma and gave my heart to Jesus, I entered into a "solemn vow" with Him. Numerous times since that day I have, with tears and sincere regret, renewed that solemn vow—only to "lightly break that vow" again in a time of frustration, anger, self-protection, weariness, or doubt.
But the Person with whom I made that agreement when I was twelve years old says, "It's all right, Anabel. I'm not going to back out of the covenant we made. I'm going to keep all of My promises to you. We're different—You and me. You can trust Me, dear one. I won't break the vows I made with you."
You know, I've counseled a lot of married people. Sometimes one of the twosome is trying—everything possible—to make the marriage work, to make it the beautiful relationship that God created it to be. But for that to happen, both of them have to commit themselves to trying to make their union something special, and then beauty begins to come. Then love is renewed. Then the relationship becomes all that it is supposed to be.
In my covenant with the Lord, He is doing His very best to make our relationship all that He longs for it to be. I'm the one putting sand in the gears. I'm the one who is chasing other ways for fulfillment and I confess, "It's me, Lord. And I am so sorry."
As recently as yesterday I went to the front of the Church at the invitation of the pastor to pray. How sweet it was to be there—as close to prostrate as I dared to get in front of everyone who might have been looking. Once again I declared my love by this overt action, and my commitment as a Believer; I was acknowledging His authority and His majesty by kneeling and once again I renewed my solemn vow.
Thank You for being the Person of integrity that You are. Your love, your faithfulness, your dedication to me are absolutely marvelous!
Your steadfast love, O Lord, is as great as all the heavens.(That's beyond our ability to grasp, isn't it?)Your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds.(Beyond the clouds? No way can I imagine that.)Your justice is as solid as God's mountains.(I have never analyzed the "solidness" of a mountain, have you?)Your decisions are as full of wisdom as the oceans are with water.(Quite a comparison, isn't it?)You are concerned for men and animals alike.How precious is Your constant love, O God!Psalm 36: 5-7 (TLB)
What seems to be a minor infraction to me—lightly breaking the solemn vow I made with You—is a very major infraction with You. Help me to see that, Lord.
- Wednesday, September 6, 2006 by Anabel Gillham
LifetimeGaurantee.com
I see myself in that verse of scripture. The day that I followed my Dad to the front of the First Christian Church of Poteau, Oklahoma and gave my heart to Jesus, I entered into a "solemn vow" with Him. Numerous times since that day I have, with tears and sincere regret, renewed that solemn vow—only to "lightly break that vow" again in a time of frustration, anger, self-protection, weariness, or doubt.
But the Person with whom I made that agreement when I was twelve years old says, "It's all right, Anabel. I'm not going to back out of the covenant we made. I'm going to keep all of My promises to you. We're different—You and me. You can trust Me, dear one. I won't break the vows I made with you."
You know, I've counseled a lot of married people. Sometimes one of the twosome is trying—everything possible—to make the marriage work, to make it the beautiful relationship that God created it to be. But for that to happen, both of them have to commit themselves to trying to make their union something special, and then beauty begins to come. Then love is renewed. Then the relationship becomes all that it is supposed to be.
In my covenant with the Lord, He is doing His very best to make our relationship all that He longs for it to be. I'm the one putting sand in the gears. I'm the one who is chasing other ways for fulfillment and I confess, "It's me, Lord. And I am so sorry."
As recently as yesterday I went to the front of the Church at the invitation of the pastor to pray. How sweet it was to be there—as close to prostrate as I dared to get in front of everyone who might have been looking. Once again I declared my love by this overt action, and my commitment as a Believer; I was acknowledging His authority and His majesty by kneeling and once again I renewed my solemn vow.
Thank You for being the Person of integrity that You are. Your love, your faithfulness, your dedication to me are absolutely marvelous!
Your steadfast love, O Lord, is as great as all the heavens.(That's beyond our ability to grasp, isn't it?)Your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds.(Beyond the clouds? No way can I imagine that.)Your justice is as solid as God's mountains.(I have never analyzed the "solidness" of a mountain, have you?)Your decisions are as full of wisdom as the oceans are with water.(Quite a comparison, isn't it?)You are concerned for men and animals alike.How precious is Your constant love, O God!Psalm 36: 5-7 (TLB)
What seems to be a minor infraction to me—lightly breaking the solemn vow I made with You—is a very major infraction with You. Help me to see that, Lord.
- Wednesday, September 6, 2006 by Anabel Gillham
LifetimeGaurantee.com
Friday, August 18, 2006
holy culture
i've been reading alot lately on the holy culture radio forum"build" message board and maaan...it's been kinda, ummm, i don't even know what to say without sounding harsh or judgemental. there's alot of theology that gets discussed on that board. even though it's called the "build board", it doesn't quite have that spirit. and i guess to get straight to the point, i don't care if you're right and you know without a doubt you're right, if you don't come at someone humbly with what you believe it's nothing but a "resounding gong" (1 Corinthians 13:1).
i guess that's a part of the human nature and i understand that when you're having a discussion online you can't hear the inflection of the other person or see they're face. but words themselves are powerful. words on a paper can start a war, know what i mean? so it should be well thought out before it's typed. and i feel that doing it in a "public" setting, ie, the message board instead of by private message doesn't help. things are probably worked out in a calmer way by private message, because you don't have other people interjecting their thoughts, or even changing the topic in the pm's. don't get me wrong, i really enjoy that site and i read that board in particular more than any other. i've learned a lot from reading that board and in some way i believe it's helping me in my walk. i read it enough to see the very distinct personalities of some of the members.
i'm a "lurker" but once in a great while i might stick my head in and say something. for now i'd rather observe. it's very interesting, it's educational, and i've learned alot from what members post. i don't know if this is how it is on all message boards, but there is alot of head butting that goes on and i wouldn't want to get caught up in it, and as an emotional being i know that it would happen. i don't mean that in the sense that i get easily excited, i just mean that as a human we let our emotions get the best of us more than we realize, even with the best intensions in mind.
right now my focus is on my relationship with the Lord. i feel He's really reaching out to me and i'm trying to respond and stay focused. and it's very hard for me to stay as consistent as i'd like. the site overall has definetly helped, it's been encouraging. encouraging to see that there are a people that i can relate to, who are younger than me and have such a zeal for God, and a thirst for knowlegde and love music. even though its a Christian hip-hop site, members have talked about other genres of music that they're into. so it's inspiring. there are plenty of times that i wanna join in and get to know a few members. but i'm a pretty quiet person, who in real life isn't the guy who announces that he's arrived at the party. i like to lay low and observe, you can learn alot about people when you do that. of course there's nothing like getting to know someone by talking to them and i love to do that too. but for now, and right now i think for me, it's best i just sit back in the cut and watch and learn and keep trying to grow.
i guess that's a part of the human nature and i understand that when you're having a discussion online you can't hear the inflection of the other person or see they're face. but words themselves are powerful. words on a paper can start a war, know what i mean? so it should be well thought out before it's typed. and i feel that doing it in a "public" setting, ie, the message board instead of by private message doesn't help. things are probably worked out in a calmer way by private message, because you don't have other people interjecting their thoughts, or even changing the topic in the pm's. don't get me wrong, i really enjoy that site and i read that board in particular more than any other. i've learned a lot from reading that board and in some way i believe it's helping me in my walk. i read it enough to see the very distinct personalities of some of the members.
i'm a "lurker" but once in a great while i might stick my head in and say something. for now i'd rather observe. it's very interesting, it's educational, and i've learned alot from what members post. i don't know if this is how it is on all message boards, but there is alot of head butting that goes on and i wouldn't want to get caught up in it, and as an emotional being i know that it would happen. i don't mean that in the sense that i get easily excited, i just mean that as a human we let our emotions get the best of us more than we realize, even with the best intensions in mind.
right now my focus is on my relationship with the Lord. i feel He's really reaching out to me and i'm trying to respond and stay focused. and it's very hard for me to stay as consistent as i'd like. the site overall has definetly helped, it's been encouraging. encouraging to see that there are a people that i can relate to, who are younger than me and have such a zeal for God, and a thirst for knowlegde and love music. even though its a Christian hip-hop site, members have talked about other genres of music that they're into. so it's inspiring. there are plenty of times that i wanna join in and get to know a few members. but i'm a pretty quiet person, who in real life isn't the guy who announces that he's arrived at the party. i like to lay low and observe, you can learn alot about people when you do that. of course there's nothing like getting to know someone by talking to them and i love to do that too. but for now, and right now i think for me, it's best i just sit back in the cut and watch and learn and keep trying to grow.
Monday, July 24, 2006
not defeated
A Sinner-Defeated? Or A Saint-Completed?
Oh, please!
Listen to what I am saying.
You are deceived as I once was.
For me to be a "saint" was a lost
a hopeless cause.
Satan badgered me,
belittled me,
and blamed me for each infraction
large or small,
until he had thoroughly convinced me
that I wasn't a righteous saint at all!
My thoughts and my emotions were puppets in his scheme
to persuade me
that a life of victory was an elusive dream.
"Me? A new creation? A saint?
Oh sure! The day I die.
But for now I'm doomed to know defeat
no matter how hard I try."
"I just can't do it!"
"I am so unhappy."
"I'm so far from what He intends me to be."
These thoughts kept running through my brain and
Satan was controlling me.
How it must have grieved my precious Jesus
to know I listened-I believed.
When "in Him" I have been made righteous-a saint!
But I was so deceived.
Praise God! At last I've seen! I know!
I am a saint, clean and forgiven!
I am accepted in the Beloved and seated in God's heaven.
I am beyond reproach. I am holy.
I'm altogether lovely, redeemed, alive in Him!
It's true!
I know that I'm blameless, righteous, and complete.
And my dear Believer, so are you.
(www.lifetime.org )
i've fallen into this trap myself. and i'm trying to climb out of it now. my frustration with my weakness leads me to think "i'm so far from where He intends me to be". i also think about how long it's been since i asked Christ into my heart and the deep disappointment i feel that i haven't been a better follower since then. there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about the Lord and the desire i have to please Him, but i fall short, very short. and i'm a father now. i wanna be a good example for my son. i also feel that i should be a better example for my wife. hopefully i can get back on track soon. i'm going to try and take it one day at a time. so today is a new day and the goal for today is to live a life that is pleasing to Him today. Each day has enough trouble of it's own (Matthew 6:34), so maybe if i take on that mindset, and live out one day at a time, as if He were coming back that day....live for Him, then maybe i will do better. the other thing is i have to stop trying to do it in my own strength and remember that God says "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (II Corinthians 12:9)
Oh, please!
Listen to what I am saying.
You are deceived as I once was.
For me to be a "saint" was a lost
a hopeless cause.
Satan badgered me,
belittled me,
and blamed me for each infraction
large or small,
until he had thoroughly convinced me
that I wasn't a righteous saint at all!
My thoughts and my emotions were puppets in his scheme
to persuade me
that a life of victory was an elusive dream.
"Me? A new creation? A saint?
Oh sure! The day I die.
But for now I'm doomed to know defeat
no matter how hard I try."
"I just can't do it!"
"I am so unhappy."
"I'm so far from what He intends me to be."
These thoughts kept running through my brain and
Satan was controlling me.
How it must have grieved my precious Jesus
to know I listened-I believed.
When "in Him" I have been made righteous-a saint!
But I was so deceived.
Praise God! At last I've seen! I know!
I am a saint, clean and forgiven!
I am accepted in the Beloved and seated in God's heaven.
I am beyond reproach. I am holy.
I'm altogether lovely, redeemed, alive in Him!
It's true!
I know that I'm blameless, righteous, and complete.
And my dear Believer, so are you.
(www.lifetime.org )
i've fallen into this trap myself. and i'm trying to climb out of it now. my frustration with my weakness leads me to think "i'm so far from where He intends me to be". i also think about how long it's been since i asked Christ into my heart and the deep disappointment i feel that i haven't been a better follower since then. there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about the Lord and the desire i have to please Him, but i fall short, very short. and i'm a father now. i wanna be a good example for my son. i also feel that i should be a better example for my wife. hopefully i can get back on track soon. i'm going to try and take it one day at a time. so today is a new day and the goal for today is to live a life that is pleasing to Him today. Each day has enough trouble of it's own (Matthew 6:34), so maybe if i take on that mindset, and live out one day at a time, as if He were coming back that day....live for Him, then maybe i will do better. the other thing is i have to stop trying to do it in my own strength and remember that God says "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (II Corinthians 12:9)
Monday, June 05, 2006
i'm around
i haven't been up to blogging much lately. for one, my laptop has been giving me some serious grief here at work and i think i'm going to end up getting it replaced. also we've been extremely busy so that's gotten in the way and i'm pretty busy once i get home too. AND, i just haven't felt up to blogging. i'm very unhappy with my job right now, and that puts me in a sour mood and i'm still struggling with my walk. ugh. my devotion time has been cut into due to work being so busy and i dunno what happened but i just started feeling discouraged. and it's been a hard place to get out of. and sometimes that makes me angry. i hate the struggle, i hate that sometimes everything feels like its a matter of life and death. so i'm here, just trying to K.I.T. (keep it together). i got that from a steve martin/eddie murphy move. the movie is bowfinger and was surprisingly funny. i don't think i ever pictured those two doing a movie together AND it actually being funny. but it had me and the wife crackin' up and we still quote lines from it once in awhile.
so like i said, i'm struggling. pray for me. hopefully things will start to look up soon.
so like i said, i'm struggling. pray for me. hopefully things will start to look up soon.
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