Tuesday, September 25, 2007
question
why do we resist God? better yet, why as believers do we resist? why do we "return to our vomit"? (As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly. -proverbs 26:11). i hate this law that works inside me...(So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. - romans 7:21)
Monday, September 24, 2007
encouraged
once again i've been encouraged when least expecting it. Granny B left a comment that encourages me to keep pressing on with expressing myself through this blog. and i went to visit her site today and her post titled "You are Worthy" was something i needed to read today. been feelin' pretty defeated lately. and it so happens to go along with today's verse of the day which is: " 35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. 36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." - Hebrews 10:35-36 thanks again for stopping by.
last week was a pretty stressful week for me. mostly work stress, printers going down, a pc getting a virus (and the pc belongs to a needy doc), more printers going down. i also had a unpleasant experience at bball and that had me all fired up. someone had something to say and i didn't like how it was done and it just took all the air outta my sails, as well as making me very angry. i was so overwhelmed by thursday, i was trying to mentally process too much information at one time and it got to me. the printer issues had been resolved by the end of the day thursday, by almost the end of the day on friday i was able to resolve the virus issue, and on saturday morning i talked to the guy who's approach i didn't appreciate at bball and was feeling better by the end of the day. we made it out to church on sunday, and it was good to be there and be around other believers. we'll be starting a new 40 day program at the church in Oct. called Rendevous, where we'll be meeting in small groups doing a study on having a more intimate relationship with Christ. i signed us up for it and i'm looking forward to it. i still plan on getting together with the pastor for personal studies, just have to work out the where and when.
i'm hoping for a less stressed week this week. i'm also hoping to get some things organized. we have so much to organize, just finding where to start is tough. my wife works nights, three 12 hour shifts a week, and they're not always the same night. that makes getting things done around the house tough. i work days five days a week, she's almost 6 months pregnant, throw in a very very active 2 and 1/2 yr old and BAM, the apartment you just cleaned is a mess...a day and a half later! i'm working on it though, we both are.
well, i've survived another day at work, gonna be heading soon. i'm working on putting some new songs on the radio blog. i recently made a mix for my sis and i'm going to put that up. this is a cd meant to encourage her and it's a praise and worship theme. i believe she can really use the encouragement right now, she's been going through some financial difficulty. i should be back soon to blog some more, possibly tonight, but it's doubtful. after i put the little man to bed, it should be time for the season premiere of Heroes on NBC!!! ok, off to catch my train.
last week was a pretty stressful week for me. mostly work stress, printers going down, a pc getting a virus (and the pc belongs to a needy doc), more printers going down. i also had a unpleasant experience at bball and that had me all fired up. someone had something to say and i didn't like how it was done and it just took all the air outta my sails, as well as making me very angry. i was so overwhelmed by thursday, i was trying to mentally process too much information at one time and it got to me. the printer issues had been resolved by the end of the day thursday, by almost the end of the day on friday i was able to resolve the virus issue, and on saturday morning i talked to the guy who's approach i didn't appreciate at bball and was feeling better by the end of the day. we made it out to church on sunday, and it was good to be there and be around other believers. we'll be starting a new 40 day program at the church in Oct. called Rendevous, where we'll be meeting in small groups doing a study on having a more intimate relationship with Christ. i signed us up for it and i'm looking forward to it. i still plan on getting together with the pastor for personal studies, just have to work out the where and when.
i'm hoping for a less stressed week this week. i'm also hoping to get some things organized. we have so much to organize, just finding where to start is tough. my wife works nights, three 12 hour shifts a week, and they're not always the same night. that makes getting things done around the house tough. i work days five days a week, she's almost 6 months pregnant, throw in a very very active 2 and 1/2 yr old and BAM, the apartment you just cleaned is a mess...a day and a half later! i'm working on it though, we both are.
well, i've survived another day at work, gonna be heading soon. i'm working on putting some new songs on the radio blog. i recently made a mix for my sis and i'm going to put that up. this is a cd meant to encourage her and it's a praise and worship theme. i believe she can really use the encouragement right now, she's been going through some financial difficulty. i should be back soon to blog some more, possibly tonight, but it's doubtful. after i put the little man to bed, it should be time for the season premiere of Heroes on NBC!!! ok, off to catch my train.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
it's been a minute...or two
sorry i haven't updated recently (to my legions of readers lolol). to be honest i haven't felt much like blogging and so much has been going on. on the good news front...we're having a baby!! my wife is now 5 months pregnant and of course we're very excited!! we've been keepin' it kinda hush hush, cuz in nov of 06 she had an ectopic pregnancy and it was rough on her and we were pretty nervous about how this pregnancy was gonna go. BUT, we had faith that whatever way it went, it was in God's hands and we know that we had to trust Him. she has been very sick during this pregnancy, for the entire 5 months! whew!! throw in some raging hormones and one can imagine that things have been a little rough. Also, due to her age, blood tests were being done for Downs Syndrome, but the labs and dr. offices were sending the blood draws to the wrong places, or doing the wrong tests, so it's been a little stressful. we even changed OB's in the beginning cuz they couldn't handle what they called "high risk", but we still had to deal with that office since they did the blood draws. this time around things have been much different from when we had our first child. she didn't have any morning sickness then, no nasaue, no heartburn, nothin', nada. she's been experiencing all of that and more with this one, but she's been feeling much better since sunday. we're having a boy by the way.
i guess you can say as usual i've been struggling. struggling with obedience, consistency in my walk, faithfulness. i haven't started my study with my pastor yet, actually haven't spoken to him since early in the summer. mostly due to the summer schedule and we figured once the summer was over we'd have a better grip on our schedules. but i think i'd like to have someone to study with, chop it up with besides the pastor, maybe someone closer to my age. i dunno. i've been reading alot of "debates" on a site, mostly around calvinism and frankly i'm tired of the debates. and to some degree i have a problem with debating over theology. probably because i've seen it turn into personal attacks and i don't think that was what the bible was written for. i understand the need to contend for the truth, but the personal attacks is what bothers me the most, as well as the tone of some of the posters. it's demeaning and just doesn't come across as Christ-like, and please don't come at me debating the meaning of love and saying things with love. there is an obvious difference between how some people express things and it's just not done with love. also, claiming that Christ spoke to so and so in this manner doesn't excuse how someone else expresses themselves and/or presents the scriptures.
anyway, i think my other name is "Isreal" - struggles with God. i think on some levels that's why i don't post often. i feel like, who'd wanna read this?? "does this guy ever feel good about his relationship with God??" "this is depressing" "he needs to stop talkin about it and be about it". well, anyway, i'll be trying to post more often. i'm going to try and post just about happenings in my life in general, things i'm observing and of course this spiritual struggle. man, sometimes it really feels like a battle!!
God is still working on me though and i know He's been putting people in my path (believers) at work. We talk from time to time about the Christian walk and/or scripture and what we've learned from it. i'm still making mix cd's for Christians and non Christians to encourage them and just to show there's an alternative to listen to and it's God glorifying. Funny....i don't even listen to the radio anymore and don't keep up with what's going on. Ever since getting introduced to The Crossmovement in '02....i think that's when i found out about them. anyway, i'm hoping that someone may end up feeling the same way about secular music and turn from it to listen to music that talks about our Creator after hearing a mix cd or two that i give them. ok, gotta get back to work. Special shout out to Godzheart! thanks for keeping up and commenting, just when i'm thinking about giving up on this blogging thing, you leave a comment and it's mad encouraging. God bless you!!
i guess you can say as usual i've been struggling. struggling with obedience, consistency in my walk, faithfulness. i haven't started my study with my pastor yet, actually haven't spoken to him since early in the summer. mostly due to the summer schedule and we figured once the summer was over we'd have a better grip on our schedules. but i think i'd like to have someone to study with, chop it up with besides the pastor, maybe someone closer to my age. i dunno. i've been reading alot of "debates" on a site, mostly around calvinism and frankly i'm tired of the debates. and to some degree i have a problem with debating over theology. probably because i've seen it turn into personal attacks and i don't think that was what the bible was written for. i understand the need to contend for the truth, but the personal attacks is what bothers me the most, as well as the tone of some of the posters. it's demeaning and just doesn't come across as Christ-like, and please don't come at me debating the meaning of love and saying things with love. there is an obvious difference between how some people express things and it's just not done with love. also, claiming that Christ spoke to so and so in this manner doesn't excuse how someone else expresses themselves and/or presents the scriptures.
anyway, i think my other name is "Isreal" - struggles with God. i think on some levels that's why i don't post often. i feel like, who'd wanna read this?? "does this guy ever feel good about his relationship with God??" "this is depressing" "he needs to stop talkin about it and be about it". well, anyway, i'll be trying to post more often. i'm going to try and post just about happenings in my life in general, things i'm observing and of course this spiritual struggle. man, sometimes it really feels like a battle!!
God is still working on me though and i know He's been putting people in my path (believers) at work. We talk from time to time about the Christian walk and/or scripture and what we've learned from it. i'm still making mix cd's for Christians and non Christians to encourage them and just to show there's an alternative to listen to and it's God glorifying. Funny....i don't even listen to the radio anymore and don't keep up with what's going on. Ever since getting introduced to The Crossmovement in '02....i think that's when i found out about them. anyway, i'm hoping that someone may end up feeling the same way about secular music and turn from it to listen to music that talks about our Creator after hearing a mix cd or two that i give them. ok, gotta get back to work. Special shout out to Godzheart! thanks for keeping up and commenting, just when i'm thinking about giving up on this blogging thing, you leave a comment and it's mad encouraging. God bless you!!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
an update
for anyone who may read this from time to time. things are going well. went on vacation about a week after my last post. we went to a family reunion and my wife's family got to meet our little man for the first time. it was a real good time and he did well for his first time taking a long trip by car. in other news, i've transitioned over to a "new" job. the company i was contracted out to absorbed some of us after ending the contract. i'm doing the same thing as before, just working for the company now, instead of being contracted out.
i had a difficult time getting back into work mode and back into reading my Bible. i went on vacation hoping to have lots of quiet time to spend with the Lord and it didn't work out that way. i could have made more of an effort, but i didn't and don't want to offer any excuses. and so it just went downhill from there. i'm just now getting back into doing my morning devotions, praying and having the correct mindset. it had been bothering me that i wasn't doing any of that stuff, but i wouldn't do anything about it. but i noticed that i was getting back to being the old me. the fuse on my temper was shorter, i was becoming more and more withdrawn and i could just feel a disconnect between me and God. so after a few weeks of not really seeking Him out, i did a morning devotion and of course it spoke to what i was going through, and the one thing i took from it was that was 1.) there is no hiding from God (i was trying to avoid Him) and 2.) fellowhip with God is just a prayer away. hopefully there was some growth during that time, or a lesson learned from not spending time talking to the Lord on the regular. actually i know that i learned that i need Him just to maintain. it's amazing how much one's personality can change in just a few days of now fellowshiping with Him.
i don't know if i've mentioned it before, but i've made plans with my pastor to start doing a Bible Study with him. not sure yet if it'll be a specific book, but i know i'll have alot of questions for him before we even get to studying. i also know i want to get real deep with it, studying the greek and hebrew, times, places and the culture of the people during that time. all to get a better understanding of the context of scripture and what is really being said. my hope is it will bring me into a closer walk and more consistent devotion. so pray for me. that's it for now, i have some other news but i'll hold off on that for awhile. hopefully i'll get back to being more consistent with blogging. part of the reason that i know i'm not consistent was because i was hoping to have more interaction with others through my blog, but it hasn't happened. at times i'm tempted to make this a private blog, but i'll hold off for now. that's all for now.
i had a difficult time getting back into work mode and back into reading my Bible. i went on vacation hoping to have lots of quiet time to spend with the Lord and it didn't work out that way. i could have made more of an effort, but i didn't and don't want to offer any excuses. and so it just went downhill from there. i'm just now getting back into doing my morning devotions, praying and having the correct mindset. it had been bothering me that i wasn't doing any of that stuff, but i wouldn't do anything about it. but i noticed that i was getting back to being the old me. the fuse on my temper was shorter, i was becoming more and more withdrawn and i could just feel a disconnect between me and God. so after a few weeks of not really seeking Him out, i did a morning devotion and of course it spoke to what i was going through, and the one thing i took from it was that was 1.) there is no hiding from God (i was trying to avoid Him) and 2.) fellowhip with God is just a prayer away. hopefully there was some growth during that time, or a lesson learned from not spending time talking to the Lord on the regular. actually i know that i learned that i need Him just to maintain. it's amazing how much one's personality can change in just a few days of now fellowshiping with Him.
i don't know if i've mentioned it before, but i've made plans with my pastor to start doing a Bible Study with him. not sure yet if it'll be a specific book, but i know i'll have alot of questions for him before we even get to studying. i also know i want to get real deep with it, studying the greek and hebrew, times, places and the culture of the people during that time. all to get a better understanding of the context of scripture and what is really being said. my hope is it will bring me into a closer walk and more consistent devotion. so pray for me. that's it for now, i have some other news but i'll hold off on that for awhile. hopefully i'll get back to being more consistent with blogging. part of the reason that i know i'm not consistent was because i was hoping to have more interaction with others through my blog, but it hasn't happened. at times i'm tempted to make this a private blog, but i'll hold off for now. that's all for now.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
confession IS good for the soul
you know, it's amazing what prayer does for one internally. most times when i struggle in my walk i don't wanna talk to God. probably cuz of shame and frustration that i'm coming to Him again asking for forgiveness for the same thing. what will happen then is i'll start feeling less and less of any connection to Him and it'll start eating away at me. this could go on for days, then probably due to the Lord's relentlessness i come to Him, confess, repent and ask for continued grace and His strength to carry me through. man, the weight gets lifted!! i start to realize it later as the day goes on. don't get it twisted, things are still on my mind, but i don't have the "black cloud" over my head. a friend of mine said, in the past, it was like i had a black cloud over me when he'd see me, even in church. i used to just wallow in it too, not necessarily in a sad way, but i lived in that cloud and kinda enjoyed it. it was protection. kept people out of my buisness and getting too close. whew...i'm glad that's not the case anymore. trying to live for the Lord, instead of self....what a difference it makes! life has a MUCH different perspective when you're focused more on God and living a life that's pleasing to Him. so i encourage anyone who may read this. PRAY. i need to do much more of it myself, but it is such a help. think about it, the God who created you wants to hear from you, wants to instruct you on how to live this life, and he gives us a means to reach Him!! amazing. amazing grace!!
not a horror story
Check out this testimony. it's a blog entry with diamone's testimony. i read it earlier this morning and can't quite remember what made me want to share this. one thing that caught me was she said "But with all the knowledge of the faith, I still didn't get the reality in the depth of God's love and grace for me." that struck me cuz my desire to know God is growing and i want to be more knowledgable about Him, about doctrine, theology, church history, biblical history....i'm sure i could go on. but at the same time, i don't want the thirst for knowledge to keep me from truely getting to know Him and living for Him. anyway, it's a good read and her previous entry is very good too.
by the way diamone appears on trip lee's If They Only Knew album on the song More and on lecrae's After the Music Stops album on the song Invisible. at first i wasn't sure if i was feelin' her voice, but after a few listens i came to like the uniqueness of her voice. i'll be looking forward to an album from her.
by the way diamone appears on trip lee's If They Only Knew album on the song More and on lecrae's After the Music Stops album on the song Invisible. at first i wasn't sure if i was feelin' her voice, but after a few listens i came to like the uniqueness of her voice. i'll be looking forward to an album from her.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
new song
got a new song up on the blog. it's called 9-10 and it's by Tonic from The Cross Movmement of their latest cd History. one of my favorites so far off the album, very good lyrics. listen carefully.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
now this is a love song
these are the lyrics from fred hammonds "your love is" from the "somethin' 'bout love" album. i cry almost every time i hear this song cuz it reminds me that no matter how frustrated i get, God is there with me, and that He wants nothing but the best for me and loves me with a love that i can't even begin to understand. His love is always...
for now, this is the last song on my radioblog
[Pre-Chorus]
Beyond what I can think
You go beyond my hopes and highest expectations
The love You've shown on Calvary
Forever, always
Pursuing me
Relentlessly
I'm crying please
[Chorus]
Open up the heavens (Open up the heavens)
Let me feel Your shower (Let me feel Your shower)
The shower of Your presence
Every moment of each hour
Lord here's my hand (Lord here's my hand)
Cover me and (Cover me and)
Take me beyond
What I understand
[Verse 1]
Your love is greater than my thoughts-deeper, higher
Brighter than my hopes-burns like fire
Lighting up my soul-You inspire
Your love is always
Always moving me to tears-overflowing
Just like a waterfall-keeps on going
The wonderful thing about Your love-keeps me knowing
[Repeat Pre-Chorus 1x]
[Repeat Chorus 1x]
[Verse 2]
Your love is greater than my thoughts-deeper, higher
Brighter than my hopes-burns like fire
Lighting up my soul-You inspire
Your love is always
Always moving me to tears-overflowing
Just like a waterfall-keeps on going
The wonderful thing about Your love-keeps me knowing
[Pre-Vamp]
It's renewing and refreshing (That's what Your love is)
Vital and life-giving (That's what Your love is)
Comforting and blessing (That's what Your love, that’s what Your love, that’s what Your love)
A place where I can run to (That's what Your love is)
A tower and a shelter (That's what Your love is)
Forgiving us forever (That's what Your love, that’s what Your love)
That's what Your love is, Your love is
[Vamp A]
Renewing and refreshing
Vital and life-giving
Comforting and blessing
That's what Your love is
A place where I can run to
A tower and a shelter
Forgiving us forever
That's what I'm talking 'bout
[Repeat Vamp A 1x]
[Vamp B]
Whenever I feel Your love on me
The tears begin to flow
I let myself go
And then I know
Your love is here, Your love, oh Lord
Whenever I feel Your warm embrace
Like the warm sun on my face
Your presence in this place
It lets me know Your love is here, Your love
for now, this is the last song on my radioblog
[Pre-Chorus]
Beyond what I can think
You go beyond my hopes and highest expectations
The love You've shown on Calvary
Forever, always
Pursuing me
Relentlessly
I'm crying please
[Chorus]
Open up the heavens (Open up the heavens)
Let me feel Your shower (Let me feel Your shower)
The shower of Your presence
Every moment of each hour
Lord here's my hand (Lord here's my hand)
Cover me and (Cover me and)
Take me beyond
What I understand
[Verse 1]
Your love is greater than my thoughts-deeper, higher
Brighter than my hopes-burns like fire
Lighting up my soul-You inspire
Your love is always
Always moving me to tears-overflowing
Just like a waterfall-keeps on going
The wonderful thing about Your love-keeps me knowing
[Repeat Pre-Chorus 1x]
[Repeat Chorus 1x]
[Verse 2]
Your love is greater than my thoughts-deeper, higher
Brighter than my hopes-burns like fire
Lighting up my soul-You inspire
Your love is always
Always moving me to tears-overflowing
Just like a waterfall-keeps on going
The wonderful thing about Your love-keeps me knowing
[Pre-Vamp]
It's renewing and refreshing (That's what Your love is)
Vital and life-giving (That's what Your love is)
Comforting and blessing (That's what Your love, that’s what Your love, that’s what Your love)
A place where I can run to (That's what Your love is)
A tower and a shelter (That's what Your love is)
Forgiving us forever (That's what Your love, that’s what Your love)
That's what Your love is, Your love is
[Vamp A]
Renewing and refreshing
Vital and life-giving
Comforting and blessing
That's what Your love is
A place where I can run to
A tower and a shelter
Forgiving us forever
That's what I'm talking 'bout
[Repeat Vamp A 1x]
[Vamp B]
Whenever I feel Your love on me
The tears begin to flow
I let myself go
And then I know
Your love is here, Your love, oh Lord
Whenever I feel Your warm embrace
Like the warm sun on my face
Your presence in this place
It lets me know Your love is here, Your love
Friday, June 01, 2007
some new music for me
today i picked up Lisa McClendon's Soul Music, Yolanda Adam's Mountain High...Valley Low, CeCe Winans Purified and Charles&Taylor self-titled cd. yesterday i picked up Fred Hammond's Somethin' 'bout Love. very nice cd, been playin it all day. a co-worker even commented on how nice the music was. the best part about the cd's i pickup today is that they were all 10 bucks! can't wait to check 'em all out and right now, charles & taylor is being ripped to my creative zen vision: m, love this little device!!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
i wish i had a childlike heart
How would a child come to God? With no reservations, no preconceived fears or doubts.
***
"Looking up" to Him -- from a child's perspective.He is big and I am little.
He is strong. I am weak. He will hold me in His arms. He will hold my hand. He will know what to do. . . .
Ready to listen and to ask questions,
but not to express his views or to argue with Him about His views. Giving Him the responsibility of caring for him. Indeed, expecting Him to care for him. Trusting Him to care for him.
Reaching out to touch Him.
Holding His hand for security and comfort.
Resting in His lap.
Putting his arms around His neck.
Being excited to see Him and be with Him.
Knowing that He is wiser than he is.
Knowing that He is stronger than he is.
***
but i struggle. i question. i get frustrated with this walk and my unfaithfulness and my disobedience. like b.morr says, my only consistency is my inconsistency. i desire a closer walk but haven't put out the effort necessary. i don't read His word every day, i don't pray nearly as often as i should. i don't meditate on His word. so how can i expect to have this closer walk?!?! i was telling my pastor that i'm the guy at the pool who only puts his toe in the water but doesn't jump in. i need to emerse myself in His Word. that would probably help with this battle that goes on in my heart/head.
i keep getting in the way. instead of saying "here i am Lord and i submit, please take over my life" i'm saying "i gotta work on this first, then get rid of this, then that, then i'll be ready and acceptable."
man, i just wanna love God, and truely appreciate Him. sometimes i feel so alone in this struggle. i know i'm not, but it feels like i'm fighting this fight alone and no one can relate. it's not too often you hear of people who struggle and admit it out loud. i'm hoping that God will open a door for me to find other believers to share our struggles and to encourage each other.
i could cry. just walking in to work this morning, i felt like i could have started crying in the middle of all the people around me. that's how frustrated i am. (i said i was going to be more transparent didn't i?)
the one thing that really bugs me is that the closer i try to get to Him, the harder it gets. the more i try, it seems more obstacles or stumbling blocks pop up. things that test my patience, or my ability to respond in a Christ-like manner. well, for now, i've run out of words on this topic.
***paraphrased from wednesday's devotional at lifetime guarantee ministries***
***
"Looking up" to Him -- from a child's perspective.He is big and I am little.
He is strong. I am weak. He will hold me in His arms. He will hold my hand. He will know what to do. . . .
Ready to listen and to ask questions,
but not to express his views or to argue with Him about His views. Giving Him the responsibility of caring for him. Indeed, expecting Him to care for him. Trusting Him to care for him.
Reaching out to touch Him.
Holding His hand for security and comfort.
Resting in His lap.
Putting his arms around His neck.
Being excited to see Him and be with Him.
Knowing that He is wiser than he is.
Knowing that He is stronger than he is.
***
but i struggle. i question. i get frustrated with this walk and my unfaithfulness and my disobedience. like b.morr says, my only consistency is my inconsistency. i desire a closer walk but haven't put out the effort necessary. i don't read His word every day, i don't pray nearly as often as i should. i don't meditate on His word. so how can i expect to have this closer walk?!?! i was telling my pastor that i'm the guy at the pool who only puts his toe in the water but doesn't jump in. i need to emerse myself in His Word. that would probably help with this battle that goes on in my heart/head.
i keep getting in the way. instead of saying "here i am Lord and i submit, please take over my life" i'm saying "i gotta work on this first, then get rid of this, then that, then i'll be ready and acceptable."
man, i just wanna love God, and truely appreciate Him. sometimes i feel so alone in this struggle. i know i'm not, but it feels like i'm fighting this fight alone and no one can relate. it's not too often you hear of people who struggle and admit it out loud. i'm hoping that God will open a door for me to find other believers to share our struggles and to encourage each other.
i could cry. just walking in to work this morning, i felt like i could have started crying in the middle of all the people around me. that's how frustrated i am. (i said i was going to be more transparent didn't i?)
the one thing that really bugs me is that the closer i try to get to Him, the harder it gets. the more i try, it seems more obstacles or stumbling blocks pop up. things that test my patience, or my ability to respond in a Christ-like manner. well, for now, i've run out of words on this topic.
***paraphrased from wednesday's devotional at lifetime guarantee ministries***
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
blah
feeling very blah today. i have so much going on in my head, it's almost overwhelming. someone...actually a neighbor broke into our apt yesterday and we're pretty sure we know who and it makes me so angry cuz we have no proof, but we know by what was taken, and believe me, it was nothing of value and just made it more obvious who it was. my screen on the screen door is ruined and the back door is no longer secure. and this just adds to the stock pile of things on my mind. and the old me wants to rage and make subtle threats out loud. be cold to everyone in the apt tenament because of the one person (most of the other tenants are related)
i'm tired. mentally, physically, emotionally. i'm gaining unwanted weight and feeling almost powerless about it. that's it for now, gotta run. but i needed to vent.
i'm tired. mentally, physically, emotionally. i'm gaining unwanted weight and feeling almost powerless about it. that's it for now, gotta run. but i needed to vent.
pluck 'em!
the summer is here and i want to pluck my eyes out!
47 And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell - Mark 9:47
47 And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell - Mark 9:47
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
thoughts on holiness
recently i've been thinking about holiness and what it means to be holy. it's a tall order no doubt, but i always have to remember that my strength comes from Him and He carries me through. so i have to remind myself to rely on Jesus to live a holy life. that being said, i've been thinking also about reverence to God and realizing how holy He is. and that is difficult for me to grasp at this point. He is so holy, yet He loved me so much that He took on human form to save me from His wrath?
"Let me ask you if you seemed confused with this
God passed through His own creature's uterus
and I admit this is odd, but the Bible can persuade me
an Omnipotent God was crying as a baby? " *
i don't know if i'm making what i'm saying clear enough, but it's hard to imagine that the same God who created me, died for me. the same God who is so Holy. and what does it mean to be holy? like what does that really mean? and God is so holy that one sin is an offense to Him?! and it's punishable by death??? wow. that's some standard.
my prayers have been for God to keep the hunger growing in me to know Him and to keep me desiring to live a life that is pleasing to Him. and recently i've taken some steps to take have a deeper walk with Him. i'll talk about that in another post. so more and more my mind has been on holiness and what it means to be holy because it is required of us; "But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy." - I Peter 1:15-16. by God's grace, i will be able to meet this requirement.
*Timothy Brindle - "The Humility of Christ" from the Killing Sin album.
"Let me ask you if you seemed confused with this
God passed through His own creature's uterus
and I admit this is odd, but the Bible can persuade me
an Omnipotent God was crying as a baby? " *
i don't know if i'm making what i'm saying clear enough, but it's hard to imagine that the same God who created me, died for me. the same God who is so Holy. and what does it mean to be holy? like what does that really mean? and God is so holy that one sin is an offense to Him?! and it's punishable by death??? wow. that's some standard.
my prayers have been for God to keep the hunger growing in me to know Him and to keep me desiring to live a life that is pleasing to Him. and recently i've taken some steps to take have a deeper walk with Him. i'll talk about that in another post. so more and more my mind has been on holiness and what it means to be holy because it is required of us; "But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy." - I Peter 1:15-16. by God's grace, i will be able to meet this requirement.
*Timothy Brindle - "The Humility of Christ" from the Killing Sin album.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
some early morning thoughts
it amazes me sometimes that alot of times the devotions that i do in the mornings speak to or touch on things i'm feeling or thinking about. below are some paraphrased excerps from this morning's devotional:
You lightly broke your solemn vows to me,
yet I will keep the pledge I made to you when you were young.
I will establish an everlasting covenant with you forever.
Ezekiel 16: 59-60 TLB
i see myself in that verse of scripture. numerous times since the day I gave my life over to Christ, with tears and sincere regret, i've renewed that solemn vow—only to "lightly break that vow" again in a time of frustration, anger, self-protection, weariness, or doubt.
But the Person with whom I made that agreement when I was twelve years old says, "It's all right, andrew (that's me hint hint, there's some transparency right there, my real name!!). I'm not going to back out of the covenant we made. I'm going to keep all of My promises to you. We're different—You and me. You can trust Me, dear one. I won't break the vows I made with you."
in a marriage when things aren't going well, sometimes one of the twosome is trying—everything possible—to make the marriage work, to make it the beautiful relationship that God created it to be. but for that to happen, both of them have to commit themselves to trying to make their union something special, and then beauty begins to come. then love is renewed. then the relationship becomes all that it is supposed to be.
in my covenant with the Lord, He is doing His very best to make our relationship all that He longs for it to be. i'm the one putting sand in the gears. i'm the one who is chasing other ways for fulfillment and I confess, "It's me, Lord. And I am so sorry."
thank You for being the Person of integrity that You are. Your love, your faithfulness, your dedication to me are absolutely marvelous!
Your steadfast love, O Lord, is as great as all the heavens.(That's beyond our ability to grasp, isn't it?)Your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds.(Beyond the clouds? No way can I imagine that.)Your justice is as solid as God's mountains.(I have never analyzed the "solidness" of a mountain, have you?)Your decisions are as full of wisdom as the oceans are with water.(Quite a comparison, isn't it?)You are concerned for men and animals alike.How precious is Your constant love, O God!Psalm 36: 5-7 (TLB)
What seems to be a minor infraction to me—lightly breaking the solemn vow I made with You—is a very major infraction with You. Help me to see that, Lord.
most of this was taken from today's devotion at Lifetime Guarantee Ministries
that pretty much sums up what some of my thoughts were this morning on the train ride into work. isn't it great that God keeps His promises and that He's faithful despite our unfaithfulness?? more and more those minor infractions are becoming more like major infractions to me and i'm taking it alot more seriously. got work to get to, i'll be back to comment on psalm 36:5
You lightly broke your solemn vows to me,
yet I will keep the pledge I made to you when you were young.
I will establish an everlasting covenant with you forever.
Ezekiel 16: 59-60 TLB
i see myself in that verse of scripture. numerous times since the day I gave my life over to Christ, with tears and sincere regret, i've renewed that solemn vow—only to "lightly break that vow" again in a time of frustration, anger, self-protection, weariness, or doubt.
But the Person with whom I made that agreement when I was twelve years old says, "It's all right, andrew (that's me hint hint, there's some transparency right there, my real name!!). I'm not going to back out of the covenant we made. I'm going to keep all of My promises to you. We're different—You and me. You can trust Me, dear one. I won't break the vows I made with you."
in a marriage when things aren't going well, sometimes one of the twosome is trying—everything possible—to make the marriage work, to make it the beautiful relationship that God created it to be. but for that to happen, both of them have to commit themselves to trying to make their union something special, and then beauty begins to come. then love is renewed. then the relationship becomes all that it is supposed to be.
in my covenant with the Lord, He is doing His very best to make our relationship all that He longs for it to be. i'm the one putting sand in the gears. i'm the one who is chasing other ways for fulfillment and I confess, "It's me, Lord. And I am so sorry."
thank You for being the Person of integrity that You are. Your love, your faithfulness, your dedication to me are absolutely marvelous!
Your steadfast love, O Lord, is as great as all the heavens.(That's beyond our ability to grasp, isn't it?)Your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds.(Beyond the clouds? No way can I imagine that.)Your justice is as solid as God's mountains.(I have never analyzed the "solidness" of a mountain, have you?)Your decisions are as full of wisdom as the oceans are with water.(Quite a comparison, isn't it?)You are concerned for men and animals alike.How precious is Your constant love, O God!Psalm 36: 5-7 (TLB)
What seems to be a minor infraction to me—lightly breaking the solemn vow I made with You—is a very major infraction with You. Help me to see that, Lord.
most of this was taken from today's devotion at Lifetime Guarantee Ministries
that pretty much sums up what some of my thoughts were this morning on the train ride into work. isn't it great that God keeps His promises and that He's faithful despite our unfaithfulness?? more and more those minor infractions are becoming more like major infractions to me and i'm taking it alot more seriously. got work to get to, i'll be back to comment on psalm 36:5
i wish
i wish i wrote as well as i speak. it's easier to speak what i'm thinking then it is to write it and make it sound good, or to flow well. i think when i write i tend to try to write like i talk and it doesn't always come out right or doesn't sound like i wanted it to. hopefully that'll improve in time.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
a random thought
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. Ecclesiastes 11:5.
speaking of way of the master, there was a debate recently with Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort vs. two athiests on proving the existence of God. looking at today's verse it reminded me of the debate and as a believer, i just wonder what makes people think there is no God. it's not like those who don't believe decided "hey, i wanna be born today, or better yet...i wanna be conceived today. know what i mean? you can't even explain how you got here, but you can tell us there is no God? that's a random thought right there. i could go on, but i have work to get back to. but isn't it interesting? you have no control of when you're born into this world and really no control over when you leave it, but you're sure there is no way that God had anything to do with it. i could go on. maybe in another post, that's a topic that could be discussed for pages.
speaking of way of the master, there was a debate recently with Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort vs. two athiests on proving the existence of God. looking at today's verse it reminded me of the debate and as a believer, i just wonder what makes people think there is no God. it's not like those who don't believe decided "hey, i wanna be born today, or better yet...i wanna be conceived today. know what i mean? you can't even explain how you got here, but you can tell us there is no God? that's a random thought right there. i could go on, but i have work to get back to. but isn't it interesting? you have no control of when you're born into this world and really no control over when you leave it, but you're sure there is no way that God had anything to do with it. i could go on. maybe in another post, that's a topic that could be discussed for pages.
random thoughts
so on the way in this morning, i was thinking that i'd try posting more of my random thoughts. alot of times i have plenty of thoughts running through my head and i wonder if other people think similarily. sometimes they're in the form of questions or just things i'd like to wonder out loud, so maybe i'll start "wondering out loud" here. anyway, we'll see how that goes. i think it'll help me to open up and to be a little more revealing about myself and this walk i'm on.
there's some new music up on the radio blog, i've got some new music i've purchased and some of it's up on the radio. i'll list some of the new stuff later, got some work to get to. by the way, i'm listening to way of the master and they had an interesting street interview today. they interviewed a man who's never sinned! he said he's never lied, or lusted after a woman, never used God's name in vain and wasn't disobedient with his parents! it was an interesting interview
there's some new music up on the radio blog, i've got some new music i've purchased and some of it's up on the radio. i'll list some of the new stuff later, got some work to get to. by the way, i'm listening to way of the master and they had an interesting street interview today. they interviewed a man who's never sinned! he said he's never lied, or lusted after a woman, never used God's name in vain and wasn't disobedient with his parents! it was an interesting interview
Thursday, May 10, 2007
don't call it a come back...
i been here for years....nahh..just playin....but i'm getting the blog bug again...kinda sorta. so hopefully i'll be back to posting more. and i hope to be more transparent (oy).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
