frustration

i started this blog cuz i really like doing web pages, its a challenge and i enjoy it. also i was intrigued by blogs. like other blogs i was reading at the time i wanted to blog about things that are going on in my life. mostly to rant. lol. i was the angry black man at the time. lol. not angry at "the man" or any thing in particular, just angry. then i had a change of heart, i turned to God with some things i was dealing with and i also wanted to keep in contact with Him instead of turning away like i had done so many times. it was one of the many things i was angry about. i didn't want to turn to God only in times of trouble. thats not the kinda relationship he wants and i know that. once i had the change of heart i wanted to write about my "journey", my walk with Christ and all its challenges. i haven't posted anything in awhile cuz i'm discouraged right now and haven't been in the mood for various reasons.

i'm back at a job site i don't like to be honest. it's kinda like the epi-center of everything. it feels that way anyway. it's the busiest site and its a very challenging place to work. its a challenging site to get to, either by driving or the T. and you could swim in the atmosphere of negativity here. for whatever reason when you're at this site you know what everyone else is doing. and the disorganization!!! it reeks!!! anyway, the negativity plus the language here makes it quite the challenge to not get caught up in it. not to fall into the complaining and the attitude that permeates this place. when i was at my other site i had my own office and i was able to do my devotions and sometimes that would just lead to studying or prayer at length. now i know i could find time elsewhere but it was really good cuz it was the first thing i'd do at my site every morning. nothing like starting your day like that. i'm just frustrated.

i'm also frustrated with some of the blogs i've read lately. i think i've mentioned this before. there is not one of us who knows the mind of God but so many come off as they do. whatever your belief is, in my opinion it is still not a Christ like attitude to knock a certain group for what they believe. as i understand it we're supposed to pray for each other. we're supposed to pray for our enemies!!! not for what we want but for God's will to be done in people's lives and i don't see that being said very often at all along with the criticism of what one believes. its one thing to disagree and its another to generalize a group because of experiences you may have had with people who look at God differently than you, and i'm referring to different views of doctrines or scripture not the worldy view on God, i.e "the church". not all churches are the same and not everyone who attends the same church looks at God the same way. people who attend church are not hypnotized zombies without their own minds. once service is over everyone goes home and leads very different lives. we're also supposed to pray for wisdom and discernment. we're to be seeking His face, not trying to prove that our view is the correct one. we are finite! we're limited in our knowledge, no matter how much studying we do, whether it be on our own or through group bible studies or seminary or whatever the source of knowledge is. i dunno...i'm just frustrated about alot of things right now. now i know for a fact that i don't always follow what this scripture subscribes as much as i should but i do believe that it would be pretty hard for people to have different views on this verse:

Proverbs 3:5-7

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD and shun evil.

none of us should be wise in our own eyes, and we shouldn't lean on our own understanding. now i don't know how else to lean on the wisdom of God except through his Word and through prayer. if the bible wasn't reliable i have a hard time believing it would be here for you and i to read today. i can only imagine how many people have tried to discredit it. doesn't the longevity of the "good book" speak for itself??? and if you can find flaws in His Word ask Him for the answers to the quesions you have. its still up to Him to decide whether or not you'll get the answer but there can't be harm in asking. James 1:5. the bible even says that God's foolishness is wiser than man's wisdom 1 Corinthians 1:25. and actually read that whole chapter to see the context of the message. it speaks on divisions in the "church", the church being the body of believers. ahhh...its time for bed and i could go on and on. hopefully i'll be back to blogging soon. i'm just more concerned about getting my personal time with God back.