not feeling so hot

i'v been sick this week. jr got sick first then passed it on to us. and with him being cranky from teething and having the cold and mom and dad being sick too, it was quite the adventure. i've also had alot on my mind and plate lately. having some car/money issues and that kinda stuff stresses me out. not really having the money or time to get to the shop, plus wanting to take better care of the car. and again money is an issue so it can be depressing.

i've also been distracted with trying to create a new template for this blog. i found one that someone else created and i like it alot, but i wanna tweak it and i'm having trouble. its written using css and i know some but not like i should so i've been teaching myself. i wish i had more time to concentrate on it. or i wish i made better use of my time. i have alot of interests. it's difficult though. life can't be truly scheduled. at least that's my experience. but its kinda cool trying to teach myself but i'm not usually disciplined with it. i prefer being taught and having some structure.

i finished the chronicles of narnia! excellent series. my wife was right. she said i'd wanna read it again once i was done and i do kinda want to review it. i really liked the last few books of the series, there was quite a bit that stood out . so i wouldn't mind quickly going over the first couple of books to see what i may have missed or forgotten as i got further along in the series. the one thing that stood out the most from the entire series was how God's nature was portrayed. its hard for me to find the words to describe. and that was another good thing about the way the books were written. at times c.s. lewis would basically say something was hard too explain or describe to really get across what a character or characters were experiencing.

but yeah, it makes me wonder why we have the view of God that we do. our view of Him in general seems that He's always angry and waiting for us to mess up. maybe its me but thats something i've observed. i wonder if when we come to realize how awesome and powerful God is, (and really it is beyond our imagination) we fear for our lives. i mean that in the sense that we think like humans do. we think, "well if i was a Holy God i know how displeased i'd be with someone like me". but we forget about how much God says He loves us. and we forget that God looks deep into our hearts and is more interested in the motivation behind our actions. and i think Jesus gives examples of that in some of the parables He told. but we concentrate so much on His anger. i wonder why. and fear motivates in the wrong way. i don't think that's God's intention. Jesus says to take on His yoke and that His burden is light. why don't we believe that. (belief is something else i've been thinking about ever since reid posted on faith and belief a while back. for some reason we don't believe it or don't believe we can handle what God would throw our way. i dunno. this life is a trip. at times i feel like a bear that had a very small role in the "the last battle" of the chronicles of narnia. he simply says "i..i..don't understand". there was so much going on and it was happening so quickly that it was all he could say.