so much static

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. - psalm 27:14

wow...i dunno if i'm amazed or confused. last summer i had something happen at work that was very disturbing to me. but the good thing about it is i took it to the Lord. i went to church and prayed at the altar about what was tearing at me. now i could have easily just been angry about it and went with that anger. but i went to God for guidance in how to handle the situation and myself in that situation. while on my way to the altar i looked for a friend of mine in the pews and didn't see him. when i opened my eyes from praying, he was right there next to me! and we talked about was going on and also about my desire to know God better, that i was tired of living off of "milk". and we made a commitment to each other to meet on a regular basis. and we did. and we did a study on a very tough topic. lust and its negative effects on the christian man. whew...at the time i didn't think i'd open up as much as i did, and he was thinking the same thing about himself. and it was a blessing in many many ways. although the battle rages on...lol.

now here i am a year later and so much has happened between now and then. in terms of my relationship with God. that inner desire to know God has not died or faded. but i have come across sooo much stuff (that's the best way i can put it now) that sometimes my head is spinning. and now as i'm writing this i'm wondering if some of this "stuff" distracts me from knowing Him better. this "stuff" has been sitting and listening to and/or having debates with other christians i just "happened" to meet (wink wink...i know God was in the mix) on the commuter rail. and now some of the blogs i read. all these different opinions and interpretations of the bible and what this or that verse meant. don't get me wrong, alot of it has helped fuel the desire to know God's Truth, to understand Him as He wants me to. whew...talk about meat!

last nite i mentioned to my wife that a relationship with God is tough. i explained what i meant by saying that i see her on a daily basis, i can physically touch her, i can feel her touch me. when she speaks i can hear her voice audibly. do i need to say more? i will, just in case what i'm trying to get across is not clear. with God it's different. the bible is His voice, i see Him in creation. teachers of His Word are also His voice. what i want is to have a relationship with God. and maybe that's not the correct way of putting it. i dunno how else to say it at this point. but sometimes, i wanna shut the world out so i can focus on what it means to have a relationship with God. but as humans we tend to look to others to see what they do. so when i read or listen to what other people have to say it can be, to say the least, a bit much. sometimes people use words that are just not part of everyday vocabulary and they talk about this doctrine vs. that doctrine. what this author or that author had to say on the topic. all the different denominations, inerrancy of scripture, the historical Jesus vs the Jesus of the bible. faith, grace, salvation, redemption, reconciliation, death, life, hell, religion. it gets to be overwhelming. are there two people that believe the exact same thing? and what is up with this distaste for organized religion??? when i read what some people say it sounds as if all churches are no good and that they might as well be cults. i don't go to church often, alot of times its due to the wife's work schedule or this or that. but the church i go to doesn't come off as judgemental. sure, there may be people with that mentality, but not the church as a whole. i could go to church in shorts and sneakers if i chose to. i could be covered in tattoos, with my nose, ears and even lip pierced and i think i'd be accepted and not just accepted but loved. i believe that i could express my opinion on a certain verse or passage and not have someone try to force feed me something else. not all churches are organizations that try to force people to believe their way. not in my experience anyway, and obviously if that is the case at a particular church then its not the place to be.

i dunno, sometimes it seems there are too many trains of thought that can distract one from getting to know God. i think we often forget to do this - "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." - psalm 46:10 we're too busy trying to put our own thoughts and feelings into the who/what/where and when that we don't just sit and listen to who God tells us He is.