feeling a little overwhelmed

i was feeling pretty overwhelmed this morning, and forgetting to bring july's train pass didn't help. thats not like me, but the conductor was nice enough to lend me $10 so i could make it to and from work. i was planning on getting off at the next stop and walking back home since i couldn't get a hold of the wifey. man, taking care of a baby is ALOT OF WORK. much props to all the single moms with children. one is hard enough!! i barely have the energy to get up for work in the morning, much less get things done around the apt. when people tell you that life will never be the same you don't really grasp it until you're there taking care of your child and don't get to do the things you used to and want to do. bad enough i started getting sympathy pains in the form of being very very tired. been tryin to recover ever since. and now that he's here, the mental and emotional drain is heavy. being a first time parent is rough!

i don't get to the gym nearly as much now and that's hard for me cuz once the summer rolls around i'm a beast about going to the gym. and the past two summers i was makin real progress. i don't mind too much, its just hard for me to see that hard work slippin away and i've been working out for years, it's important to me. but all in due time. that's the attitude i have to take and i still get to play basketball about twice a week. i'm grateful for that. for awhile i was only playing once a week and i was starting to put weight on. my appetite didn't chage but i wasn't burning the food off as easily.

anwyay, the other day while talkin to a friend on the train it brought the verse "The last will be first, and the first last" (Matthew 20:16) to mind. i think that what Jesus was saying that on all levels of our lives our attitude should be to put others first. to put our own desires in the background. He also said in verse 26 and 27 "whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave". that was radical to say in those days and i think it's even more radical today. we are all about ourselves. and it's evident in the simplest things like how we drive on the highways. some one driving 80 miles an hour with a car length between him and the car in front of him will more often than not get cut off by someone who just had to get in front of him. so i try to use that verse as a reminder that raising my son and spending quality time with him even in the early early years of his life is important. important to him and important to me, even if i think an hour or two spent at the gym can't do harm this early on in his life. there's a time for everything and i'll get the time to get back in on regular basis when it's time. in the mean time i can do the best i can to work out when the opportunity presents itself.