time for a change

i've come to the realization that a change needs to be made. after the incident of the woman talking about me (read here), i talked to a friend of mine who read about what happened. i'll call her "kim". kim let me know that someone she worked with who saw me around thought i was mean. now she thought this without knowing me but she was going by my countenance. i was surprised to hear this but it wouldn't be the first time that i heard that my facial expression was that of someone who's mean. i have a friend i met on the commuter rail who reads his bible on the regular and if you disagreed with him on a subject he'd tell you that you need to read your bible more or just that you need to read your bible. it was the way he said that was more disturbing than anything. there were plenty of people who told him that his approach was repulsive, not attractive. he didn't wanna hear it though. he thought it was fine for him to talk to people the way he did, no matter how many different people told him the same thing. one day i used an analogy with him to try and get the point across. i said that if you had BO (body order) and five different people came to you and let you know about your BO, then you can't really deny that you do and you have to face that fact that you have BO and need to do something about it. the light eventually came on and he realized that he needed to change his approach when talking to people about the bible.

well i've had plenty of people comment on the fact that they don't see me smile. so obviously i need to work on that. and i have been. through talking with kim, i realized that i've been in "protection mode" for a long time. growing up in NY you had to be "hard" or you'd get picked on and/or beat up. my solution was to put on a mean face to keep people from starting with me, and it worked. but its probably worked too well. i don't want people to percieve me that way. so i've really been making the effort to have a different countenance and just to give off a lighter vibe. i am a serious guy but i'm also pretty funny (my wife and family and close friends think so anyway). i feel better, kinda like some weight is being lifted, not having to "mean mug" all the time. when i go to certain neighborhoods i'll still have to get into that mode, but i think i can turn it down when i'm at work and for the most part in my daily coming and going.