a love letter

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad.

'Father's Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Communications Copyright 1999-2006 www.FathersLoveLetter.com'

very nice post

i can relate to this post and again, there is hope and encouragement at the end....much needed.

hope

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead
1 Peter 1:3

today's devotional from Our Daily Bread was encouraging. "If you are in some way damaged by past abuse or feeling defeated by sin,"...sometimes i feel defeated. alot actually, but i know there's hope. and its a life long process, becoming this new creature. "Anticipating what God has in store for us can put a smile in our heart. Hope gives us poise and lets us live with inner strength, because we know that one day we will be dramatically different than we are now". "take heart in what God has in store for you. Live today with the courage God gives you. Make what you can of your afflictions. But rejoice, because all that degrades and limits you is only temporary. It will be gone—some of it sooner rather than later."i feel a little less discouraged today.

in other news, i got my new bible yesterday! very nice. its a study bible and its nice and compact so i can fit it in my backpack easily. its gonna be my markup bible. its so sharp though, its gonna be hard at first. but i hope to put it to alot of use.

time for a change

i've come to the realization that a change needs to be made. after the incident of the woman talking about me (read here), i talked to a friend of mine who read about what happened. i'll call her "kim". kim let me know that someone she worked with who saw me around thought i was mean. now she thought this without knowing me but she was going by my countenance. i was surprised to hear this but it wouldn't be the first time that i heard that my facial expression was that of someone who's mean. i have a friend i met on the commuter rail who reads his bible on the regular and if you disagreed with him on a subject he'd tell you that you need to read your bible more or just that you need to read your bible. it was the way he said that was more disturbing than anything. there were plenty of people who told him that his approach was repulsive, not attractive. he didn't wanna hear it though. he thought it was fine for him to talk to people the way he did, no matter how many different people told him the same thing. one day i used an analogy with him to try and get the point across. i said that if you had BO (body order) and five different people came to you and let you know about your BO, then you can't really deny that you do and you have to face that fact that you have BO and need to do something about it. the light eventually came on and he realized that he needed to change his approach when talking to people about the bible.

well i've had plenty of people comment on the fact that they don't see me smile. so obviously i need to work on that. and i have been. through talking with kim, i realized that i've been in "protection mode" for a long time. growing up in NY you had to be "hard" or you'd get picked on and/or beat up. my solution was to put on a mean face to keep people from starting with me, and it worked. but its probably worked too well. i don't want people to percieve me that way. so i've really been making the effort to have a different countenance and just to give off a lighter vibe. i am a serious guy but i'm also pretty funny (my wife and family and close friends think so anyway). i feel better, kinda like some weight is being lifted, not having to "mean mug" all the time. when i go to certain neighborhoods i'll still have to get into that mode, but i think i can turn it down when i'm at work and for the most part in my daily coming and going.

why am i so hard on myself

i wonder why i'm so hard on myself. i really don't know. its hard being you're own toughest critic and your own worst enemy. i spend alot of energy fighting off the worst enemy and when i fail, my toughest critic comes in and tells me all about the failure. but i do wonder why i am that way.

killing sin is in

my copy of "killing sin" came in the mail on wednesday! i've been listening to it since then. i really got to listen to it yesterday, what a great cd. i think i'm gonna order one for a friend of mine, i think he'd enjoy this cd. there's some meat on this cd and i'm sure he'd appreciate hearing what tim has to say. like the reviews i've read, there is not one song that i'd skip over. all the tracks have tight beats and the lyrics are crazy! i'm really feeling "the battle", "sacrifice of worship", (ackdavis and evangel kill it on this track...ackdavis...whoa, i would love to hear him on an album of his own), "power of the Holy Spirit", "step into the light", "temptation", really, all of the songs on this cd are hot, this cd will get alot of play in my mp3 player. timothy is very blunt about the subject of sin in the lives of christians and the importance of not willfully continuing in living a sinful life. much appreciated. here's a review of the album, a much better review than i could give.

its been a short week, but a tough week for me. this job just wears on me. we had a migration from one mail program to another and of course it didn't go well, lots of different problems. also, i'm tired of being told to smile. i don't know anyone that walks around with a constant smile on their face. earlier this week i was standing at the elevator and just as it opened, someone comes around the corner and gets on with me. she says "you're not smiling". i laugh and say "so you're telling me i should be standing at the elevator with a smile on my face for no reason?" (if i was she'd be thinking "what's up with this guy?"). she says "ok, i'll behave". i'm beginning to think i must be the most serious, intense looking person people have ever seen. later that day a woman who's pc i was working on started talking about me, not knowing i was in the cube right next to her. saying how i have no sense of humor and how i look angry, some garbage like that. she went to say maybe it was cuz when i come into their area everyone is always asking for something to get fixed. i didn't say a word. but it wasn't a fair statement since she doesn't know me. and the funny thing is about 2 minutes after she said that, two different people came in and saw me and were like "hey, how are you?". you know, we exchanged pleasantries. she was embarrased cuz she had no idea i was right there, and i've could've easily turned and said "you don't even know me, and as for the sense of humor comment, did you say something funny? or should i just be laughing for no reason?". i thought it was better to stay professional and not say a word. now she's trying to kiss up to me and be especially nice, cuz she's unsure of whether or not i heard her. and her co-workers knew i was right there, and she and them were whispering about her blunder, right in front of me!! i hate people some times. sad, but true. i do have a wall up and she is an example of why, cuz people sooner or later show their true colors, and i'd rather feel them out for awhile before i let them in. well, i was able to resolve everyone else's issue except hers, it appears to be a server problem and the server team deals with that. serves her right, as mom used to say

so sweet

Verse 1:
As I look at the life of Jesus and compare my life to Jesus’ I fall short though I know that I would like to please Him as my reasonable service and worship Him with my whole heart and I think I speak for all believers when I say we need Jesus to lead us or we will fall apart

cause ever since Adam fell from eating fruit from the tree our deeds have been evil that’s why we love the dark and great men throughout Biblical history officially can see we are sinners and need a new start and if your fire is dwindling and you need a rekindling get rid of what's hindering and get this new spark

I thank the Father for Jesus He didn’t leave us as heathens He made us His sheep and placed in us a new heart now we’re just simply receiving and believing what He’s achieving and achieved that evening bleeding there upon the cross

Hook:
He’s so sweet the way He loves me and holds me so closely and toasty He’ll never let me go and so I gotta serve Him give Him the props deserved live life by His word and He’s so sweet He gives me favor and flavor taste of my Savior a taste that should savored fo sho I gotta love Him and trust Him live my life for Him He’s so sweet

Verse 2:
And I can even hear them angels rejoice in that angelic voice when the prodigal son returned to the father’s house it’s so amazin’ it make me picture the Father’s love for the lost now nothin’ but praises are comin’ out my mouth

look at this life and begin to forsake it and chase after His heart like David after salvation without a doubt cause the only escape from the sin nature is the sacredness of salvation just start takin’ the narrow route

this opportunity is in unity with the tri-unity of His nature for you indeed just to holler out I see my sin and I need a Savior to take me away from myself to begin to mold and shape me at the Potter’s house begin to make me like Jesus and then I’ll take it and preach it to nations and regions from New York to down South and all places between because Your grace intervenes now You takin’ me makin’ me clean and I gotta shout

Hook

Verse 3:
Now there’s no way we can ever measure the pleasure that You have to give us the treasure to be able to call You Dad now what a blessing to be in heaven forever giving you reverence knowin’ that we were born dead

in our condition before we were Christians was that of a resistant ignorant citizen I’m meaning really bad but because we are wicked in desperate need of repentance see death should be the sentence and feelin’ the Father’s wrath but

You showed us your grace by sending Your Son in our place now it’s Your warm embrace in which we know we have You said You’d never would leave us You said You’d never forsake us see grace and faith is a gift so that way no man could brag so now I’m thankin’ the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit I’m hopin’ the Holy Spirit would open you so you hear it and I’m hopin’ you notice that there are hope in these lyrics just follow the scriptures for wisdom and you will be glad

Flame

Rewind Review

once again, cmr did not disappoint. i have been listening to Rewind from Flame for a few days now and i'm really diggin this cd. i still need to listen to it some more, but i'm really diggin' the music and the lyrics. i like his style, he just comes with it. on this album he talks about racial diversity in the church and how part of a church's description shouldn't be "white church" or "black church" but Christ's church. he also talks to those who struggle with depression and/ or mental illness on "war of the minds". i think thats the first time i've heard a song about that. on "to my heart", he talks about how our hearts/minds can lead us astray. other subjects are the Bible being the final authority plus the sole infallible rule of faith for which we base the church. other hot joints are "break bread","so sweet", "give us the truth", "the Godhead"is another tight joint about the Trinity and, "the cross movement" is nice tribute to the group cross movement. i wasn't sure how i felt about this cd at first, but after listening to it a few more times, i know it'll be a cd that gets alot of play in my mp3 player, and in the car. and i'm sure it'll be a part of some personal mix cd i'll make in the future. still waiting on timothy brindle's joint "killing sin"!! i've been busy enough with other stuff that i forgot its on its way, but i'm excited, i'm sure i won't be disappointed.

Love God or Fear Him?

I copied this from Intervarsity Press. it was today's "hard saying of the day" from their hard saying of the day page and i thought it was a good, short, explaination of what the bible means when it says we are to fear the Lord.
(i hope i'm not infringing on any copyright laws, but the page is updated daily and i don't think i could find a way to keep the link for today's up for awhile.)

Proverbs 1:7: The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

Love God or Fear Him?
"Wouldn't it be better if the author just said that we are to love God rather than commending our fear of him? Why is fearing God mentioned so frequently in the Bible? The phrase is used so frequently that cross-referencing all the instances here has been avoided in the interests of space."

"The term to fear can describe everything from dread (Deut 1:29) or being terrified (Jon 1:10) to standing in awe (1 Kings 3:28) and having reverence (Lev 19:3). When used of the Lord, it encapsulates both aspects of the term, a shrinking back in recognition of the difference or holiness of God and the drawing close in awe and worship. To fear the Lord is not to experience a dread that paralyzes all action, but neither is it just a polite respect. It is an attitude of both reluctance and adoration that results in a willingness to do what God says. The fear of the Lord, then, is absolutely necessary if we are even to begin on the right foot in learning, living or worshiping."

"The problem with saying that loving God is enough is that this informs us as to what the proper emotion should be, but it says nothing, in and of itself, as to what we should do about expressing that love. It also leaves the important aspect of the holiness and difference of God's nature and character untouched and without a response."

"But with the fear of the Lord there is a foundation for wisdom, discipline, learning and life. It expresses itself in a hatred of evil (Prov 8:13) and demonstrates its presence by its willingness to be obedient (Gen 22:12)."

wow!!!

i just noticed that the url for my blog is "http://aworkingprogress.com" when i wanted it to be "http://aworkinprogress.com". see what happens when you're not paying attention?!! i tried typing it as "http://aworkingprogress.com" and kept getting another blog, and i was like....hmmm...must've been a typo. then i'd end up logging in through blogger and getting to the page and still not catch the error. well i caught it today and i think the only way to get it changed is to see if blogger admins will since the other blog hasn't been updated in close to 4yrs. oh well.

zoom zoom

i know how this guy feels. i dunno if having a small apt is better than having a larger one but i am constantly picking up toys, and with a such a small area to work with, it feels like it's back to being a mess in 2 minutes. but no complaints here, i'm loving fatherhood and my son is alot of fun and very entertaining.
in other news, we were able get a new car this weekend. hooraay!!! now the wife can feel safe again in the car and be a little more at ease when driving. we weren't able to bring it home saturday, so we'll be picking it up on wednesday. we're both pretty excited. although this is a pic of a 2004 model, this is what it looks like.



i'm very happy to say that we've been very attentive to how we're handling our money. we got our tax returns and have caught up on all of our bills, and we've been keeping track of everything we've spent. and we've for the most part, purchased things we needed. it feels real good, and hopefully things won't get as bad as they were and we'll continue on this road.

and in other news....i ate horribly this weekend. don't think i ate enough ( i usually eat 6 times a day, if not more) and i ate alot of junk. i had some mcdonald's, twice in one weekend, which is not like me normally. i also had some ice cream, some cup cakes, a bag of potato chips!!! when i look at it, it's not that bad, and i don't eat like that everyday. but i usually try and limit how much of that stuff i eat even on the weekend, but i was just in the mood for it. funny though, i can immeadiatly see the effects of eating like that, and i don't like it!! LOL!! i shouldn't have too much trouble burning it off this week. and another thing i'm excited about was stocking up on some supplements. i got some BCAA'S (branched chained amino acids), agrinine, some more glutamine, some more creatine, multivitamins and a nice big tub o' protein powder. the supplements have helped a great deal and i can't wait to see how much more the bcaa's and arginine help. i'm definetly not as sore the next day(s) from workouts and i'm getting stronger. i'd say i'm pretty pleased, just gotta time it right so that i can shed some fat i've gained by the time summer rolls around. although i'm not one to walk around without my shirt off anyway. i'll post on the progress in a few weeks i guess.

old leaves

today's devotions from our daily bread and back to the bible were excellent. the devotion for our daily bread talks about how the leaves on oak trees retain their leaves through the winter while other trees lose theirs, even through early parts of spring, the oak keeps some of it's leaves. eventually those old leaves are replaced with new buds.

"At times, old habits cling to our lives with the same tenacity as those oak leaves. Even the winds of adversity do not remove all the lifeless leftovers of our fallen human nature.
"But Christ, who dwells in our hearts by the Holy Spirit, is at work. His life within us continually seeks to push off the old habits—renewing us when we confess our sins, steadying us when we falter, and strengthening us to do His will."

it goes on to talk about thanking God for His Spirit that lives in us when all attempts to cast off old sinful habits ends in failure. "Keep saying yes to His gentle urging to be kind, loving, compassionate, honest, and faithful. Those "lifeless old leaves" will eventually drop off."

for me, that was encouraging. i don't know if it's just me beating myself up, but i have some "old leaves" that hang on and hang on and hang on and it can be quite discouraging.

also take a look at today's back to the bible devotion. i like this line from today's devotion - "Watch your every step. Stay close to Christ. When your step is away, make sure the next one is back toward Jesus."

the man in the mirror? who?

22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

are we all guilty of this? i know i feel like i am. james goes on to say "25 But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does."

the battle we have with our flesh is such a tough one. i know some would say that the battle has been won. "greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world". its tough man, i always seem to get in the way. last year i started learning some memory verses and i even downloaded some software that helps you keep track of the verses you're learning and helps you memorize them. the software is called Lamp Light and its simple to use and definetly works.

one of the verses i came upon and decided to memorize is - 8 "Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful" - Joshua 1:8.
when i read james 1:22-26, i was reminded of joshua 1:8. today's devotion at our daily bread also spoke on the responsibility we have as christians to use the resources we have available. "We have the Word of truth and the help of the Holy Spirit. We have no excuse for groveling in the dirt of sin when the power of God is at our disposal." arrghh...i get upset when i see that cuz i know i could be leaning on Him more than i do.

hoorah!

just ordered killing sin by timothy brindle over at lampode records! i've heard snippets from this cd and i like what i heard, and from the reviews i've read people loved it. its supposed to arrive in 1-2 weeks. i'm still reviewing flame's cd, but i like what i'm hearing so far. the beats are not just mid-west so that's cool, but i'm more interested in what he has to say on this follow up cd to his self-titled debut album flame which was an excellent cd. my sister liked that cd alot when i let her listen to it. when i get my latest purchase and have a good listen i'll post a review (maybe).

in other news, we got our taxes filed and got our money and we have caught up and paid in full on all our bills. it feels surreal, especially since we've been struggling so long. i told my wife it'll feel real when i get our next round of bills and they're not outstanding. also, looks like we may be getting a new car as soon as this weekend. she took the car to the shop to get an estimate on how much repairs will cost and they basically told her we're better off getting a new car due to the amount of work this one needs and how much it'll cost. we should be in good shape cuz i have good credit with the company i lease my car through and this car woulda been paid off by june. hopefully we'll find something decent. we got this last car at a good deal and i've yet to see another one like it. it is a 2000 mazda protege, with a sun roof, leather seats, and it has a cd player. i've seen plenty of protege's but not with a sunroof and cd player and mine has gold lettering. anyway, it has served its purpose and up to date it was the nicest car i've owned. time to move on!!

experiencing freedom

i started doing an online bible study on Galations from Back to the Bible. i'd like my 1-2 readers to pray that i stay with it.

"This study, which covers the entire book of Galatians, will help you see the bondage of man's sinful nature and explain the freedom provided by Christ Jesus—a freedom that will satisfy, when nothing else does. It is an in-depth exploration of the freedom we as believers experience daily and how the conflicts of the church in Galatia can instruct us to live in the freedom of Christ."

The six lessons include:

The Power of Grace
Freedom from Traditions
The Preeminence of the Promise
Children of the Promise
Liberty in Christ
Limits of Freedom

i've been wanting to do some kind of bible study for a while now. i can do this one during my lunch. i printed it out since it has exams at the end of each lessaon. I completed lesson 1 today and i'd like to complete the whole thing. right now the plan is to do them during my lunch. my hope is that by reading on the freedom we have in Christ, i can learn how to live in that freedom. i want to live a life that is pleasing to Him and experience His freedom. i don't know what else to say on the topic, just that i wanna stay in the Word and keep learning of Him.

bodybuilding

the bodybuilding thang is going well. i'm seeing alot of progress which of course i'm very happy about. i've been working consistently for the past 6 1/2 months, and the intensity level has been at high. the workouts usually last 90 mins and i'm pretty spent by the end of the workouts. i'm very curious to see how i look after a full year. i've already "outgrown" some t-shirts i have. and these are shirts i was wearing back in college that still fit up until recently. i'm excited, i've been blessed with a body that responds well to lifting weights. the body is amazing though, one look at one part of the body and i ask myself how is it that there are people who don't believe in God.

it is hard to stay disciplined sometimes. i have a sweet tooth and sometimes the sweet tooth wins out . but all in all its going well. i get a lot of information from bodybuilding.com. i've been doing pretty good with the nutrition part of it which is a huge component. i've been eating "clean" during the week, then "cheat" on weekends. i think i'm ok as long as i'm still getting bball in at least once a week. that's the cardio that burns off the "cheat" foods i eat. i.e. hostess cupcakes.....yummy!! rest is my biggest problem, then calories. to put on the lean body mass i want to, i need to consume alot of calories and i think i'm just getting enough to put on some muscle but not enough to put on alot of mass. which isn't necessarily bad, cuz with all those calories comes some fat and i'm not too keen on putting the putting fat on part. i get a hint of love handles and i lose my mind! and i just need to try and get more sleep. i will grow quicker with more rest.

the supplements i'm taking are helping out tremendously though. now i can see why people can get into steriods. steriods and supplements are much different, but the supplements i take really do help with recovery. steriods are just a whole 'nother level i don't want to go to. but right now i'm taking creatine, glutamine and protein shakes. creatine helps with the pump, glutamine is used up by the body when you lift heavy weights so i take that to replenish. it also helps with the immune system and recovery. there are soooo many other functions that glutamine covers, so supplementing with that is key. i also take some amino acids and multivitamins. all of these supps are the building blocks of muscle. i have done and continue to do my research on supps and so far those that i mentioned are the only ones i'll get into taking for now. whole foods are the best source for alot of the macronutrients that are needed for bodybuilding. i've learned so much reading up on nutrition in relation to bodybuilding, and i know i've just "scratched the surface"....ugh...can't believe i just used that phrase. lol. anyway, i've been a blogging fool today. felt good though. maybe there'll be more tomorrow.

Rewind

i pickeup Flames' latest cd, Rewind yesterday. i got to listen to it but not really really listen like i like to, had the kid in tow with me. so far, from what i did hear it sounds like a cd i will enjoy. he's from the midwest so the only thing i may not get into too much are the md-west beats. i'm an east coast kat and i love my east coast beats. maybe i'll post a small review on the cd when after i've really sat down and listened to it.

i spent most of yesterday running around paying bills and doin some other errands. while i was out, i stopped at Heritage House, the local christian book store and picked it up and looked around for a new Bible. i found the one i was hoping to find. its compact, niv and a study bible. this will be the one i'll mark up and write in. i have some other bibles, but one is a gift i can't bring myself to write in and the other is life application study bible , (also a gift) but it is way too big to be carting back and forth in my backpack everyday. i have a $10 coupon for anything i buy at my next purchase and there is 10% of the original price also. so i could end up spending about $26-$28 total, now thats a sweet deal. the more i think about it the more i'm getting excited about it. maybe in the near future i'll pick up some commentaries. they have tons of books there, but i don't wanna overwhelm myself. i'm reading Mere Christianity and its a tough read. it's tough in the sense that its written similar to how someone would speak in a conversation, so i have to read some lines 3 times to have a better understanding of what i read. my next book would be The Screwtape Letters. for some reason i'm a little nervous about that one. i gotta get through Mere Christianity first, that's especially hard coming home from work, i'm usually dozing off by the time i ride home in the evenings.

The Rich Man and Lazarus

The Rich Man and Lazarus

19"There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. 20At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores 21and longing to eat what fell from the rich man's table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores.
22"The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham's side. The rich man also died and was buried. 23In hell,[a] where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. 24So he called to him, 'Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.'

25"But Abraham replied, 'Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. 26And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.'

27"He answered, 'Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father's house, 28for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.'

29"Abraham replied, 'They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.'

30" 'No, father Abraham,' he said, 'but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.'

31"He said to him, 'If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.' " - Luke 16:19-31

His Return

its kinda interesting that both of the devotionals i read this morning were about Christ's return, one was at Our Daily Bread, and the other at Back to the Bible. the message of both was really about living today as if He's returning tomorrow. we really don't know when He'll return and its kinda scary to think that when the flood came during noah's time, everybody was chillin', goin' about life without any idea of what was about to happen and then everything changed. imagine you're on the beach with your family or just driving down the highway and people start disappearing. according to Jesus's description, that's what it'll be like. so like a more secular saying goes, we should live today like there's no tomorrow. as christians we should live a life that's pleasing to God today, so if His Son comes tomorrow, we're ready to be with Him. Matt. 24:29-51

just pray

so i'm rushing out of the apt this morning, which is pretty much the norm every morning, although i was real good last week and probably only had to rush out once. but i digress. anyway, as i'm getting my coat on i realize i don't know where my skull cap is. the one i usually wear is black and has the words "And 1" in white on the front which is a basketball term. technically it means score the basket and a foul has been called. i couldn't find it cuz i wore it on friday and it was pouring out and the hat got soaked and i put it somewhere in the apt to dry. but we got a small couch over the weekend so the apt got turned upside down a little, (we got the couch last minute at about 1 am). so i grab my other skull cap which is brown and happens to match nicely with what i'm wearing today. oh yeah, and it says, "Just Pray" in small white letters going across the front, maybe i'll take a pic of it and post it since i can't find a pic of it anywhere on the net. i got it at walmart of all places. i've had this hat for about two years and never really got any comments from other people about it. maybe a "i like your hat" once or twice or just looks like, "does that hat say what i think it says???". i think people give that look cuz at first they think it say "Just Do It", like the old nike slogan.

well when i went to get some lunch at quiznos the guy at the register asked me if i pray everyday. and my answer was that i try. and he replied "what's to try?, you gotta stay committed to it". i told him some times you don't feel worthy if maybe you've had a bad day or something. he said something to the effect of "you just gotta keep praying and it doesn't always have to be about the same thing". i just thought the exchange was cool. things like that make me say to myself that this life is a funny thing. also, judging the book by the cover, i woulda never expected to hear that from him. he just looks like a dude from da hood working at quiznos, and like prayer is low on the priority list. oops, gotta remember to stop judging based on appearances. i do need to make prayer a daily thing, even if i don't feel like it or if i feel like God doesn't want to hear from me. thanks for the reminder Lord.

monday morning blues

i don't feel like doing any work today. i feel like surfing the net and reading blogs all day. we got our taxes done yesterday and we finally have some money to work with!! whew!!! we've got some major bill payments to make and some repairs that are long over due for the car. that should eat up most of the money but it'll get us caught up. ahhh what a relief!!! hopefully i'll be back online at home soon too. although i don't know how excited i am about that. having it at home can be a stumbling block. anyway, i'm really not in the mood for work today. i'm glad i have tomorrow off, didn't get much sleep again last night, although i did doze in and out for most of the superbowl. it just wasn't that exciting of a game and i could tell the steelers were gonna win, that wine i drank probably didn't help. didn't know it was that strong! hehe. ok, got some work to do, then i might be back to post some more.

too busy this week

i've been too busy at work this week to post. hopefully next week i'll have a little more time to do my movie review and talk about the homeless. i'm very tired too. i was at the gym late a couple of nights this week, late as in until 12 am. i was getting up by 6 am, so the average amount of sleep this week has been about 5 hours. after showering and getting everything ready for work the next morning, i wasn't getting into bed till after 1 am. not good. so my brain and body are tired and i hope to get to bed early tonight. i'll be getting up early (5:30 am) to go play bball tomorrow morning. yeah, i know, i'm crazy! GO STEELERS....i'm mean...SEATTLE....uh...i don't really care, just hope for a good game, don't wanna see a blowout. later.

sunday morning scare

so the b-day was pretty quiet. just me and my son hanging out, watchin tv, and sleeping. the next morning on the other hand was a little more eventful than i would have liked. i woke up the next morning and saw that my wife hadn't gotten home from work yet and knew that traffic on a sunday morning is light so she shoulda been home. i waited a few more minutes and checked the vm and found that she left me a message letting me know that she worked her first shift, but spent the rest of the night in the emergency room. she's diabetic and started not feeling so hot around 12 am and sure enough her blood surgar was high. the doc asked her what was going on and after she told me about some of the things she was dealing with, he told her that her blood surgar was high due to stress. so i called the emergency room to talk to her and they were no help. even after telling them she works as a nurse's aid there, they didn't know what was going on. fortunately she called right after i hung up and told me she was leaving and would be home soon.

i went back to bed and dozed off for a few and i look at the clock and see that she's not home when she should be, it should take her about a half hour to get home. now it's getting to be 40 minutes, then 50 minutes and i'm getting really concerned, especially since she hasn't called again. we've been having some car problems so i was hoping that it was a problem with the car, not her diabetes. i brought my son downstairs to feed him and she's still not home and now my mind is racing and i'm fearing the worst.

i think i planted the seed by thinking about how my mother passed away two days before my 18th birthday and hoping that something like that isn't about to happen the day after my birthday this year. by now i'm scared to call the hospital to see what's going on but it's been over an hour and she would've been coming right home, so the conern level is high. i prayed that everything was ok, but i know the reality of life and death. when my mother passed away, it was a shock. she had asthma and had been to the hospital before but she always came home. when they took her that day, i prayed and thought for sure she'd be home. she always recovered. but i believe she passed away in our home. she was going to work and came back home having trouble with her breathing, and she passed out on the floor and wasn't responsive. they emt's tried to bring her back, they did mouth to mouth and even used the paddles, but she didn't respond. my sister and my brother were home and we still hoped but by the time we got to the hospital, which was only about 5-10 mins later she was gone. so i know now that some things are meant to be, no matter what the prayer.

my wife did make it home, she ran over a pothole the night before with the donut we have on the car and that was the end of that donut. she didn't know that the tire was leaking air till the next morning and she drove on it until she realized what was going on. we didn't have another spare and she didn't have a cell phone. she was able to get the manager from a dunkin donuts that she pulled into to call a tow truck and got towed home. she came in right as i decided i had to get up and call the hospital. thankfully that prayer was answered.

next week

hopefully next week i'll have time to comment on what i thought about the movie The Chronicles of Narnia, Lion, the Witch and Wardrobe. i've also been having a hard time with my thoughts on the homeless that i see around the city and this verse

Matthew 25:35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in.

you say it's your birtday da da da da da da

remember that scene from sixteen candles? lol....funny movie. anyway tomorrow is my birthday and nothing big is planned. i usually keep that day pretty low key anyway. funds are extremlely low this year so a card will probably be the extent of any gifts i might get. its funny though, i'm usually pretty amped for my birthday and this year i've hardly had time to think about it, or it doesn't "feel" like my birthday is right around the corner. it's cool though, i'll get a call from my sister wishing me a happy birthday and maybe an email from one of my long time friends. i've actually known him since the 7th or 8th grade. tomorrow is also a basketball day so i'm glad i'll get to play some ball, maybe even work out later in the day and possibly treat myself to a cd or two. there are quite a bit of cd's i wanna get. i know there's a good chance the Christian bookstore i go to will have Rewind, Flame's latest cd. i usually get my Cross Movement cd's from this store and he's on their label. i also wanna order "Killing Sin" by Timothy Brindle over at Lampmode Recordings . I actually want to get his first joint, "The Great Awakening" and of course i want Shai Linne's cd "The Solus Christus Project". all in due time. hopefully my money situation will improve before they run out of cds. although i've seen it for sale at other sites. all of the cd's have gotten great reviews and i've heard other songs from these artists. i love their music, lyrical content and the way they preach the gospel through their music with no fear. from the one review i read and other reviews people have given about timothy's killing sin album, he goes right at the sin that we as christians have in our lives and how it is something we have to deal with, read here: Killing Sin.
slowly but surely i'm changing my collection of music. i also hope to start getting some rhythm and praise, some gospel and contemporary stuff, so i can have a wide variety of Christ-centered music. ok, back to work.

the struggle with sin

"In my reading, I printed out an article by Greg Herrick, which summarizes John Owen's "On the Mortification of Sin." Owen does a study of Romans 7:21 and it is very in-depth into the struggle between the natures within us. As I was reading through the summary, Herrick made what I thought was an excellent analogy to understand the power of the "laws" of sin. He says that there is a difference between knowing about sin, which comes from external instruction, and knowing sin, which stems from experience within the struggle. This is similar to the old adage that it's one thing to know about Jesus, but it's another thing to know Him...."

you can read the rest of this post over at contemplative thoughts. a very good read and i've come across some other really good posts on this site.

something else....

i grabbed from contemplative thoughts was a link to this hehe...hmmmm...thats what some of us want to "dilute" God down to.

i fought time and time won

i tried going to church this past sunday but wifey worked a double on saturday and me and jr had to be up by 6 am to pick her from work. came home and he was ready to go back to sleep and by the time he woke up, it gave us an hour to get ready. it just didn't work out. trying to feed a 10 month old, eat, shower, shave, dress him and myself in an hour was not happening. even though i had his clothes laid out and made my breakfast while getting his food ready. he was not co-operating with being fed and that just slowed me down. i got frustrated and wasn't sure about going with that attitude. i got as far as feeding him, eating, and shaving but time ran out and we woulda been real late. i still had to get bottles ready for him, dress him, shower and get dressed. and dress him which can be an adventure. i was pretty disappointed and that turned into anger. he was pretty busy that day and wore me out by the evening. wifey slept till about 5 and i was in need of a nap by then, which i took not long after she got up. (didn't sleep well during the week and was recovering from a pretty nasty cold.) maybe things will go better this weekend. we'll see, she's probably working a double again this weekend though.

you can't touch this

8 Now the LORD God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. 9 And the LORD God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

15 The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." - Genesis 1:8-9, 15-17

i knew that having a child would open my eyes to some things about God and his love for us and the other day my eyes were opened to something i had a hard time understanding.

my son is almost 11 months old now and very very active. he's in exploring mode and wants to touch everything, but he's smart enough to understand what the word "no" means when we don't want him to touch something. yesterday i had a bowl of soup and put in on the table next to me, just barely out of his reach and if he stretched enough he could pull the mat i put it on and pull it towards him. and sure enough he tried to touch it and i told him no. i had to tell him a few times and he still reached for it even after getting a smack on the hand a few times. nothing that stings, but just enough that he gets the idea. anyway it got me to thinking about how i couldn't understand why God would put the tree of knowledge of good and evil in the middle of the garden and told adam and eve that was the one tree that they couldn't eat from. my thought was that He knew that they would want to and more than likely would end up eating from it. now i'm not saying adam and eve had the mentality of 11 month olds but yesterday it kind of hit me that when i say no to my son i expect him to obey. and when he doesn't do what i say it gets a little frustrating. i put the bowl there knowing he would reach for it but figured by telling him no he'd leave it alone. some times i can tell him no and he just moves on to the next thing, so i know he understands.

my point is that God wanted adam and eve to obey Him. was He testing them? i don't think so, not with such consequences. but i guess the one thing that i understand better is that it's obedience He wanted in that scenario. do i still understand why He put the tree there in the middle of the garden at all knowing what would happen? nope. but i guess it doesn't matter why He put it there, but what he expected.

consistency

well my new friend told me she has definetly been blessed by the music i passed on to her. i'm very glad to hear that. i'm pretty serious about my cd's when i make them. there's usually a theme or a message behind the music i put together. or it's geared toward's the person i'm making the cd for. i made a second cd for her and she really enjoys that one also and it got her excited about her faith. music is so powerful and i don't think people truly understand that sometimes. my mother said that when she passed she hoped her portion of heaven would be filled with music, she loved music. she passed that love on to us. other than a few emails i've kept my distance. its best that way, especially with single women who are looking for a good man. i could just see and get that vibe that it was the best thing to do. and i think she knows that too.

haven't been to church in a minute and i'm missing the community. also missing the lessons learned and hearing God's word. i've been slack in all aspects of my relationship with God lately. work's got me down. but the desire is still there. i just have to make the time. no excuses here tho, it is what it is. its difficult at times when you don't have anyone to share your excitement for the Word with. or to throw questions at. my wife and i share, but we're at different levels. although i think i'm gonna suggest us doing devotions together. even just one night a week. we need it i'm sure.

i also think i've found out something about myself that i struggle with. its something i've noticed before but its really come to light lately. i find something i'm interested in and i get into it in a real DEEP way then fall off of it. i'm trying not to do that with my relationship with God. lately i've been into bodybuilding. its something i've always been into and i used to have CRATES of bodybuilding magazines. but with the advant of the internet and more and more people using it, i can go on and find tons of info. and as i've matured i've come to understanding that its not just lifting weights, but its nutrition also and that nutrition is the key really. the amount of info on nutriton and exercises and routines is mind boggling. understanding how the body handles food and then breaking those foods down to their macronutrients, understanding how to use proteins, carbs and fats to your advantage. let's not forget calories, your bmi, bmr and on and on. but my point is that's been my "obsession" lateley. its something i want to do and have since i was like 8-10 yrs old and now i'm pursuing it. but i'd get into something else, like basketball and wouldn't hit the gym for months.

i did the same thing when i started reading blogs. i wanted to create one and spent hours looking at and learning how to create templates, tweak templates and make templates look the way i wanted. for awhile i was the same with God. reading the bible, reading about the bible, reading discussions about different aspects of the Christian walk. i was listening to messages, researching, studying, having discussions with others and living the life. now that i've gotten so into bodybuilding, i haven't been so into blogging or reading my bible. i need to find a good balance. i don't feel like i've just dropped God. i still pray, i still do devotions, just not with fervor i was at before. again, i just need to find a good balance. hopefully me and the wife will find a good day for us to have devotions together and stick to it, we'll get back to going to church on a more regular basis and i can get back on track with my relationship with God.

how do you do it? how does one stay consistent with their relationship with God? sometimes it seems like so many other people are doing it. when i first became a Christian i wanted God to speak with an audible voice to me. i was "jealous" of those in the bible He spoke to. i couldn't understand why He still doesn't do that. i wonder if that would make being consistent with Him easier. we have relationships with friends and family and when we wonder how they're doing we can call or write or send a message somehow to find out. when we pray to God we don't hear that definite audible answer. now i'm not trying to be someone who requires a miracle to believe, just wondering how to keep up with Him. maybe i'm babbling, but i know what i mean. i'm just looking for something deeper than i feel have right now. eh...gotta get back to work. more later...how much later i dunno...lol.

i got caught up in making a cd so didn't get to post, hopefully tomorrow.

been awhile

sorry for my lack of posts if there is anyone that actually reads this. i just haven't been in the mode to blog. i've had alot on my mind and i tend to get quieter when i'm stressed, and if you knew me...that's pretty quiet. i'm a quiet person by nature.

i've gotten used to being at my new site but that doesn't mean i like it. i was even saying to my wife that i still couldn't figure out why God had me come back here. i know some of it had to do with two people in particular at my last site having unrealistic expectations of me and not understanding what my job entails. unfortunately these people were the site admin and a dept supervisor. two VERY non-technical people by their own admittance, that's like me trying to tell them what they should be doing in their positions with no idea of what they do. and if my manager wasn't so new at being a manager he wouldn't have reacted, even though he claims it wasn't a reaction. we've worked it out since i've come here and he sees now that i got a raw deal on that situation, but i don't see me leaving this site any time soon.

one good thing so far is i've met a woman who is single with two kids. a ten year old and a three year old. she is trying to raise her kids to be God loving people. our love of music is something we have in common and some how we got onto the topic of music and what's playing on the radio today. her ten year old is big into rap music and listening to artists like 50 cent. so i let her know that i had some Christ centered rap that he could listen to as an alternative. so now i'm making a cd for her son. she's gonna give it to him for Christmas with his new cd player. i've also pointed her towards some online radio stations she can listen to that play rythm and praise (r&b christian music) and gospel. she is kind of new to the faith and is really trying to live the life. so it's good to be encouraging someone. we've also had some discussions about living the christian life today and bible passages that help us get through.

i may post alot today, its could be slow today and i'm the mood to talk about a few things.

blah

feeling blah today. lots of things on my mind. i don't feel as concerned as i have in the past but its hard to keep worries at bay. its funny how sometimes i don't wanna turn to God with my concerns. not funny ha ha. earth from eric posted something along the lines of how i was thinking today. my son just turned 9 months this weekend and he looks so peaceful when he is sleeping (besides just plain ol' adorable!). why do we struggle with peace in our souls?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - matt 6:31-34

hmmmm....maybe its cuz i don't always seek His kingdom and righteousness first.

fellowship of da brothers

ok, so we met on the 19th for some fellowship and for two brothers in particular who had been going back and forth via email about the Godhead to have a type of debate. it was supposed to be a format of one speaks for 15 mins, then 10 mins for rebuttals and the same for the next one to to present his view, then there would be rebuttals, then the host would speak after the "debate" and then we'd eat. everyone brought something to contribute to the meal.

we opened up in prayer and sang a few songs which was a good thing to do. but there were some problems. one problem was that we got a late start. another was that the host had his kids there and at times there were interruptions and he'd have to leave the room from time to time. and although he tried he couldn't pay full attention and had a hard time keeping the first speaker to his time limit.
the first guy presented his view and he went for 40 mins!! he doesn't agree with the view of referring to the Godhead as the Trinity. the next bro came up and presented his view and he kept within the time limit. but he and the first speaker were kind of having a dialog during his presentation so that was another problem.

honeslty i don't believe the first speaker came with a heart that was willing to listen to what someone else had to say. if you had an opposing view, or questioned something he had said, he didn't take the time to listen to what you were saying. and went right to trying to show you were you were wrong in your belief. there was a brother there who wasn't a part of the email group and had met us all for the first time. he let the first speaker know that as an observer he felt that the he (the first speaker) was strong in his conviction and that was fine. but he also noticed that he didn't give others the opportunity to fully express themselves before interrupting them and/or telling them they were wrong. to me that was the best thing to come out of it. i sent this brother an email explaining that i felt that his approach to what others believed was not humble and at times it was sarcastic and condescending. he didn't see it and asked for examples. i sent him examples, direct quotes, and we were supposed to talk about it, but time was an issue.

anyway i thought there was gonna be alot more use of the scriptures to back up their beliefs. i especially thought the second speaker would come a little stronger. he only presented 2-3 verses as a part of his argument which suprised me. i even came prepared with a little outline of my own, just in case i had the opportunity, and i had a lot more scripture than what was presented. we also had to eat cuz we were hungry. it was the first of hopefully many more to come. the host said he'd like to have something about twice a month. the format will be different i'm sure. i believe he'd like to have more of a bible study group going and have our wives there also and possibly do some couples type studies. it was good to get together and fellowship so who knows what the future holds. but hopefully this is the end of that debate!!

new site added

just added contemplative thoughts to the list of reads. from what i've read we share a love for hip hop and christian rap or holy hip hop. also, i just like what i've read so far. i still need to talk about the gathering of brothers. we did have it on the 19th and it went ok. it was good to get together, but it wasn't what i thought it might have been. i'll go into more detail on the next post. i didn't have any preconceived notions due to the format of how things were "supposed" to go, (there was a flyer put together and errythang) but i had imagined how it could go due to the people that were gonna be there. anyway, i'll post more when i have more time. peace out.

we could have some buildin' goin' on!

the brothers are getting together for some fellowship in a couple of weeks! i'm actually very excited about it. one of the guys proposed meeting at his home. he thinks the same thing i do. he thinks a few of the guys have been saying the same thing, just expressing it differently. believe it or not the topic of the Godhead has still been a hot topic so he thought everyone could get together, eat, and talk about what they believe and just fellowship. i've been wanting to have some kind of get together, some kind of a fellowship. hopefully it'll work out good and turn into a regular thing. hopefully we'll be able to move beyond this topic also! i am pretty excited about it. the way i met these guys just feels like God meant for it to happen. i mean i actually heard one of the guys on a call-in radio show a few weeks before i met him for the first time!! i was on the train and was introduced to him and he just happened to be talking about the show and i put two and two together and lo and behold it was him that i heard, and he had a question about something i was wondering about too!! LOL! what are the chances?!?! this is a national radio show and someone who lives a few towns over calls in, i hear him, then meet him a few weeks later!??! crazy! so anyway, i'm looking forward to the get together.

transformation

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come!" - II Corinthians 5:17


man i wanna feel like that!! at times i do, i mean my way of thinking has changed in some aspects. the way i look at people, alot of my selfishness has taken a big step back. i realize how selfish i can be so that's big. i look at my motivation for doing things before i do them. so i guess the change is coming along. but i guess sometimes i want more. i guess i just want to be "super christian". full of biblical knowledge, Holy Spirit filled, always saying and thinking the right things. perfect i guess. and that's not possible while i'm here.





"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." - Romans 12:2

i'm realizing that this is easier to do when you're surrounded by a community of believers. "Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." Romans 12:4-6. each of the parts of the body can function on their own, but work better when they work together. so we need each other. for encouragment, to pray for each other, to keep each other in line. i'd like to find that kinda community. it could help with the transformation process and i think thats how God intended for things to work among us while we are growing in Him.

weakness

psalm 51:10 "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

that's my prayer. i should probably say it everyday. i was talking to a friend the other day and its been my thought at times that i'd like to feel close to God all the time like the songs you hear from artists talking about their relationship with God and authors of books suggesting ways to have a closer relationship with Him. sometimes i wonder if its possible that people really have that all the time and that it's always "all good" with them and the Lord. its frustrating to me that i struggle with walking down the narrow road. sometimes (too many times) i go off course and it takes me awhile to get back on track. although these days i've been really missing my quiet time with God and the effect He has on me. He really does change how you think and view the world. alot of those changes are still there, i guess i just struggle with my own weaknesses and don't like that they're so hard for me to put down. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." hopefully like paul someday i'll "delight in weaknesses" and know that "when I am weak, then I am strong."

let's build part deux

so i called the bro that i sent the email to. the convo went well. i basically let him know that i think that as brothers we should building each other up. i told him we should be supporting each other and that the tone of the emails were changing. i told him that i thought him and the other bro were at times saying the same thing and that sometimes emails were not the best way to have that kinda discussion after it gets to a certain level. i also asked him if he saw that kinda discussion as fruitful. will it help a brother in his growth? help him to be a better father, husband, or help him live his life according to how God wants us to live our lives. i said that i was saying it as an observer and one who was wondering if that kind of going back and forth is beneficial. he took it well and we talked about some other things. he kinda started preaching and i told him that he's preachin to the choir. my parents had us have family devotions at nite when i was very young. My mom witnessed to my brother, she was a witness to me just by how she lived and conducted herself. my dad would tell us to read our bible often. i let him know there was plenty of bible in my life before meeting him. and i didn't even mention that i was a bible quizzer for 4yrs. not that that makes me a scholar in any way but he wouldn't be saying anything i haven't heard before meeting him, lol. so over all it went well and hopefully i left him with some things to think about.

let's build

the guys were at it again...

i mentioned some guys that i know who have an email group where God/the bible is discussed. its become more and more obvious that there are some varying beliefs among these brothers. anyway the topic of the Godhead has been the most recent thing they've discussed and it's been mostly between two brothers but the whole email group was included on the emails. well it started to get a little heated cuz they were not in agreement on each other's view. the emails were paragraphs long and it was alot of going back and forth. now one of the brothers made the mistake of calling me and others out. he basically said that he was surprised he didn't hear any input from me to refute something that the other brother said and that i "knew better". wrong move dude. i've never even discussed the subject with him so he doesn't know where i stand. i sent a response, but i didn't even touch the subject, here is what i sent:



greetings brothers,
#####,

i chose not to get involved in this discussion because i'd rather have
fellowship. i'd prefer not to debate. i'm seeing more and more debate and disagreement than fellowship. and like john said its somewhat troubling. i still don't feel like that is what the Word was given to us for. these are some very
lengthy emails and they seem to be going in circles. at times it seems more like
this is turning into "i'm going to prove i'm right". let me ask you some
questions. if two brothers disagree on their view of scripture does that mean
one's saved and the other isn't? does that mean that one loves the Lord and
the other doesn't? does that mean that one's interpretation is right and the
other's interpretation is wrong?? who among us can judge???

this is what i believe: i believe we should pray for each other. i believe
we should pray that our hearts are opened to His Word and to Him and that He
continues to work in each other lives and that He reveals His truth to us.

I Corinthian 13 8-12

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where
there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass
away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection
comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I
thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put
childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then
we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully,
even as I am fully known.

i've talked to one of the guys who was in this debate since sending the response and let him know that i'm thinking about asking to be removed from the email list. i wanna be a part of something where we're building each other up, not where people are puffing themselves up cuz of their biblical knowledge and/or debating about their interpretation of scripture and humility is lacking. i will be calling the other brother today since i see that he's tried to call me once. i was on the cape so i didn't get the call. hopefully he doesn't take what i sent as a personal attack on him or as an endorsement of the other brother. but for one, he shouldn't have called me out and secondly when you do something like that you should be careful about the words you use. can't we all just get along??

its tough enough to be a Godly man and to stay on the narrow road. and as a body of believers we should be lifting each other up and supporting each other thru the struggle.
i've got some chores to do. i'll give the brother a call and post on how the convo went later.

vacation - kind of a rant

well vacation isn't turning out how i would've hoped. didn't have big hopes but...here we go. this weekend was our 12 yr anniversary and we went to the cape. the wife's tooth has been bugging her and got much worse this weekend. jr is teething and realized he wasn't home and didn't want to go to sleep until after eleven. i woke up to find wifey rocking and crying from the pain at about three in the morning on monday and it didn't get better by tuesday. the time on the cape was cool but she was in pain and jr was off his schedule. we left the cape earlier than planned and she had her tooth pulled that afternoon. i didn't end up working out, which i was looking forward to but i didn't feel much like it after taking her to her appt, going home and taking care of lil' man then going back and picking her up after the appt. yesterday i ended up playing playstation for hours and didn't go to the gym. didn't feel much like it, mostly cuz i was zoning from the playstation and it was late and i didn't sleep much the nite before, probably from playing playstion till about five a.m wednesday morning.

i played ball this morning but my back was incredibly stiff from playing playstation all day in the same position. not enjoyable. i worked out today but wifey has a big test next tuesday and had to go to a friend's to study this morning, i was with cranky pants who was quite cranky. i went to the gym but felt under the gun cuz the wifey had a second study group at eight o'clock and i didn't get to the gym till after seven. she knew i wouldn't be home until after eight. and it's thursday already!! tomorrow i have jr from one till nine. doesn't sound like much of a vacation. don't get me wrong. i love being with my son, no doubt, but it doesn't quite fall into vacation mode when he's cranky. the things i was looking forward to the most were the anniversary weekend and playing ball and working out. none of those things went to well. i think i needed a two week vacation. oh well. its a vacation from work. and it's definetly good to not have to be at work. life still happens, can't take a vacation from that. on the bright side, i did get some quiet time this morning. just left the tv volume turned all the way down, played some playstation (again) while wifey and lil' man slept. i realized how much quiet time i don't get. always some noise going on. i hope to be able to take an hour of quiet time a day or about three times a day. gonna try and go somewhere quiet during lunch. ok, i'm rambling...goin' to bed.

New Look

i was ready for a change and put up a new template. wish i could say i created it but i like it alot. maybe some day i'll have the time to sit down and create my own. well...it'll definetly take more than one day that's for sure. but i'm learning css (casscading style sheets)...slowly, but i'm learning. the syntax is what i struggle with the most right now. and like anything else it takes practice practice practice. i'm on vacation this coming week!! horrayy!! maybe i'll put some time in during the week on learning some more

funny

i don't really have a comment, just that this made me chuckle...hehe

the battle rages on!!

i think i need a refresher on "every man's battle". maaahn!! my job is surrounded by colleges. two are all girls colleges. there are about three other colleges in the area also, along with fenway stadium and a few bars, clubs, restaurants, gyms, etc. so the amount of women of all ages is overwhelming to say the least. and not to use the common excuse but the clothes they wear doesn't help. like man ambassador says;


Most women have care in their genes
Where’s the care you killin' us today the way you're wearing those jeans
A few of us really care for the king
We’ve got to fight when you're in sight
For other men staring's no thing
Well don't look then
Well sis, I wasn't lookin'
But if I’ve gotta nose can I help smellin' the cookin'
I know you can blame it on the weakness of men
But the weakness is made weaker when we see your skin


so this brutha is strugglin again. one of the methods "every man's battle" suggests is to "bounce" your eyes, but i get dizzy from all the bouncing lol. cuz my eyes bounce from one girl and end up in another one's direction!! its tough cuz i take the T so they're everywhere. another thing is the IT dept works in the basement of our building and there are no windows so you don't even know if the sun is out. plus they've had issues with mold in the basement so its good to go out and get fresh air. but going outside is dangerous lol. and when there's a home game...forgetaboutit!!

i'm being humorous about it but it is something i've noticed of course. and i can't express enough how tough it is to be surrounded by people who have no respect for God. i can't keep count of the amount of times someone says "jesus christ", or "jee-zus" or "oh christ". since when did it become so fashionable to use His name as a curse word?? i cringe everytime i hear it. some even say "cheese and rice!" cuz it sounds close to it. arrggh. i miss fellowshiping with people who have a love for God. people who wanna live for God, wanna be closer to Him. I MISS HAVING MY QUIET TIME!! .


i know a few guys who communicate via email but more often than anything it turns into some sort of debate on how one interperts this or that scripture or doctrine. and the emails get to be paragraphs long and the threads can go on for days. for example today an email was sent asking a question about women's role in the church and what paul said concerning that topic. he asked the ques cuz there was a judge and prophet named deborah in the book of Judges who had a postion of leadership. now the guy directed the question to another brother who responded by saying that he'd address his questions under the conditions of his sencerity to know the truth! and went on to say he was more concerned about the question asker's belief on who Jesus Christ is. in another email thread there was discussion about the Trinity and there was disagreement. i can't even beging to go into that right now. but it just wasn't a cool way to respond and i'm tired of these guys debating. its not fellowship.

but....i have a train to catch. so i'm out. maybe i'll post more on that subject later. peace out!!

Cool!!

Partial beard, freestyle : German Willi Chevalier, contestant in the category partial beard, freestyle, poses in Berlin, during the World Beard and Moustache Championships. (AFP/DDP/Marcus Brandt)

meant to live

Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bent for more than arguments,
And failed attempts to fly, fly

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much mor
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside


Lyrics by Switchfoot

the internet is a funny place....

what can't you find on the internet??? and i wasn't even looking for it lol....http://www.jamiefrost.co.uk/narniaquiz

As Prince Rilian, you are brave, noble and intelligent, but easily misguided! Just make sure you don't go after any green women.

not feeling so hot

i'v been sick this week. jr got sick first then passed it on to us. and with him being cranky from teething and having the cold and mom and dad being sick too, it was quite the adventure. i've also had alot on my mind and plate lately. having some car/money issues and that kinda stuff stresses me out. not really having the money or time to get to the shop, plus wanting to take better care of the car. and again money is an issue so it can be depressing.

i've also been distracted with trying to create a new template for this blog. i found one that someone else created and i like it alot, but i wanna tweak it and i'm having trouble. its written using css and i know some but not like i should so i've been teaching myself. i wish i had more time to concentrate on it. or i wish i made better use of my time. i have alot of interests. it's difficult though. life can't be truly scheduled. at least that's my experience. but its kinda cool trying to teach myself but i'm not usually disciplined with it. i prefer being taught and having some structure.

i finished the chronicles of narnia! excellent series. my wife was right. she said i'd wanna read it again once i was done and i do kinda want to review it. i really liked the last few books of the series, there was quite a bit that stood out . so i wouldn't mind quickly going over the first couple of books to see what i may have missed or forgotten as i got further along in the series. the one thing that stood out the most from the entire series was how God's nature was portrayed. its hard for me to find the words to describe. and that was another good thing about the way the books were written. at times c.s. lewis would basically say something was hard too explain or describe to really get across what a character or characters were experiencing.

but yeah, it makes me wonder why we have the view of God that we do. our view of Him in general seems that He's always angry and waiting for us to mess up. maybe its me but thats something i've observed. i wonder if when we come to realize how awesome and powerful God is, (and really it is beyond our imagination) we fear for our lives. i mean that in the sense that we think like humans do. we think, "well if i was a Holy God i know how displeased i'd be with someone like me". but we forget about how much God says He loves us. and we forget that God looks deep into our hearts and is more interested in the motivation behind our actions. and i think Jesus gives examples of that in some of the parables He told. but we concentrate so much on His anger. i wonder why. and fear motivates in the wrong way. i don't think that's God's intention. Jesus says to take on His yoke and that His burden is light. why don't we believe that. (belief is something else i've been thinking about ever since reid posted on faith and belief a while back. for some reason we don't believe it or don't believe we can handle what God would throw our way. i dunno. this life is a trip. at times i feel like a bear that had a very small role in the "the last battle" of the chronicles of narnia. he simply says "i..i..don't understand". there was so much going on and it was happening so quickly that it was all he could say.

Christ and hip hop

i'd like to comment on the music that i play on my site. the first song that's playing is by a group called the cross movement. i support this group by buying and listening to their music cuz there's no question that they are trying to reach souls for God and their music doesn't try to hide the fact that they are Christians. Jesus Christ crucified is what they preach and there's "no shame in their game". since being introduced to their music i've stopped listening to secular music and they've inspired me to strengthen my walk and to be more in the Word.

that being said...i read an article about them written by rondy long of exministries and for one, he misquotes a song or takes the lyrics from a song out of context. the song is called "hip-hop-cracy" and the song is about the state of hip hop today and its negative influence on the world today. one line from the song is “And when that last tic-tocks, I’m (God) coming to your block to see what you did with my Son and with my Hip-Hop!” . that line refers to God giving us the abiility to make music and what we do with it. hip hop being one form of music. rondy seemed to think that that line makes it sound like Jesus and hip-hop are equal. here are the lyrics within context:

Now if Hip-Hop is gonna be true to life
I'm tellin' you Hip-Hop’s gotta be true to Christ
‘Cause as the Hebrew writer cites,
That His creative endeavors made all things and holds all together
So that kick and snare that jerks your spine is ‘cause God made noise work by design
So it’s Divine and not by chance that you can make a hot track or do a little dance
Or write a little rhyme
Ain’t that crazy?
Words whose sounds matched that stimulate the mind
And what if you can write a verse?
How you paying homage to music’s Maker with punchlines of curse?
And the stanza’s that modern man does are full of vanity, vulgarity and propaganda
But I guess that’s this age –
We Thugs and Fools
We even stick God up and saying, “Run the jewels!”
But God ain’t the type to just lay down flat and put His hand behind His head and turn His back
He’s the type to look right back down your pipe
And see the Cross in the crosshairs of your site
And be like, “Oh you sticking me up? No you’ not…
I’m loaning you my stuff, but you on the clock.
And when that last tic-tocks, I’m coming for your block
To see what you did with my Son and with Hip-Hop!”
So woe to all men who have abused the craft with unjustified math and filthy cash
“Will a man rob God?” No indeed
But that’s the sin and attempt of Hip-Hop-cracy


rondy believes that hip hop is music is influenced by demons. and i guess my question would be...what about rock music and the culture that comes from it? new age jazz?? r&b?? etc...what kind of spirit is behind these genres?? should christian rock be abandoned by christians? what about when "christian music" takes on the forms of these othere genres? should christians only sing songs you find in hymns??

at any rate, he also thinks that this group is promoting hip hop. i disagree. i believe what they are trying to do is reach a subculture that seems to be getting ignored by the church. they are reaching them through a language that is familar to them. but still telling them about the love of Christ for us.

nowadays there are alot less parents in the inner city taking they're kids to church. there are alot more single parent/broken homes and they are not turning to God. the family structure is not what it should be and respect for God is hard to find. they are turning to drugs and alcohol to fill that void. their heros are the rappers they see on video and hear on the radio and they want to immulate them. most rap music today promtes promiscuity, violence, drugs and the worhip of money.

the cross movement and other artists/groups like them are trying to show kids that idolize these rappers and the life style they promote that there is another option. some kids have such little biblical knowlege and no one to guide them towards God. some of these kids feel like the church won't accept them as they are. these guys are trying to tell them that God loves them just as they are and that they don't have to wear a suit to be loved by God. they don't have to change how they dress, change the slang they use (obviously if its offensive to God it must change) and change who they are to be accepted. they use hip hop to reach these kids but that doesn't mean they feel that is the only way to reach them. but right now rap is what they listen to and what they are influenced by. hip hop being a way of expressing one self. parts of hip hop are style of dress, slang and other elements. i commend them for going into a very competitive, very hard industry and preaching Christ.

rondy talks about a young man who came to Christ and changed they way he dressed, got himself nice and clean-cut and respectable and raised his grades in school after getting saved. and he did this without being told to. and that's great, but we're not all the same.
I Samuel 16:6-7 6 "When they arrived, Samuel saw Eliab and thought, "Surely the LORD's anointed stands here before the LORD." 7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." This is what God told samuel when he was to choose who would be the next king of Israel. saul was looking for someone who had a certain appearance. God had him go to jesse of bethlehem to pick the king. jesse brought all of his sons before samuel except one, david. and none of them were who God was looking for. david is who God wanted. the bible says that david was "ruddy with a fine appearance". he was young and handsome, he did not have the rugged experienced look of man ready to take over and become a king.

i believe when paul says "therefore, if any man is in Christ he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come!" II Corinthians 5:17 , he's referring to that inner man. not necessarily his outward appearance. when someone has changed from the inside, it shows. when there is something different about you its evident and how you dress does not always indicate that. and i have a good example. people who lived in my apt complex noticed something different about me but couldn't put they're finger on it. then i pointed out that i don't swear. now i'd been around them for quite some time, i dressed similar to them but they could see that something was different. maybe its the word hip hop that is causing the problem. i dunno.
its laughable though.

by what rondy writes, it seems that the church is saying you can only come in if you look and act like they do. no baggy jeans, t-shirts and sneakers allowed. cross movement is reaching out to the youth. they are going to them where they are. who else do we know that did that? the cross movement preaches Christ crucified and in a language this culture understands.

ok, i'm tired. enough on that for now...time for bed.

andrew aka...

width="240" height="180"
alt="Artificial Networked Destruction and Rational Exploration Worker"
border="0">

hearing the call

"Please, what task, Sir?" said Jill.

"The task for which I called you and him here out of your own world." This puzzled Jill very much. "It's mistaking me for someone else," she thought. She didn't dare to tell the Lion this, though she felt things would get into a dreadful muddle unless she did.

"Speak your thought, Human Child," said the Lion.

I was wondering -- I mean -- could there be some mistake? Because nobody called me and Scrubb, you know. It was we who asked to come here. Scrubb said we were to call to-to Somebody-it was a name I wouldn’t know-and perhaps the Somebody would let us in. And we did, and then we found the door open." "You would not have called to me unless I had been calling to you," said the Lion." - C.S. Lewis The Silver Chair Book 6 of the Chronicles of Narnia

i'm reading this book now and when i read this it touched me. i stopped reading and thanked God for calling me. its good to know that He desires us. i'm glad i answered the call. there are many who hear the call but don't answer. sometimes we as believers hear His voice when we've gone astray and ignore the call.

jill then asks "Then are you Somebody, Sir?" and he replies "I am". Pretty cool Mr. Lewis, pretty cool.

frustration

i started this blog cuz i really like doing web pages, its a challenge and i enjoy it. also i was intrigued by blogs. like other blogs i was reading at the time i wanted to blog about things that are going on in my life. mostly to rant. lol. i was the angry black man at the time. lol. not angry at "the man" or any thing in particular, just angry. then i had a change of heart, i turned to God with some things i was dealing with and i also wanted to keep in contact with Him instead of turning away like i had done so many times. it was one of the many things i was angry about. i didn't want to turn to God only in times of trouble. thats not the kinda relationship he wants and i know that. once i had the change of heart i wanted to write about my "journey", my walk with Christ and all its challenges. i haven't posted anything in awhile cuz i'm discouraged right now and haven't been in the mood for various reasons.

i'm back at a job site i don't like to be honest. it's kinda like the epi-center of everything. it feels that way anyway. it's the busiest site and its a very challenging place to work. its a challenging site to get to, either by driving or the T. and you could swim in the atmosphere of negativity here. for whatever reason when you're at this site you know what everyone else is doing. and the disorganization!!! it reeks!!! anyway, the negativity plus the language here makes it quite the challenge to not get caught up in it. not to fall into the complaining and the attitude that permeates this place. when i was at my other site i had my own office and i was able to do my devotions and sometimes that would just lead to studying or prayer at length. now i know i could find time elsewhere but it was really good cuz it was the first thing i'd do at my site every morning. nothing like starting your day like that. i'm just frustrated.

i'm also frustrated with some of the blogs i've read lately. i think i've mentioned this before. there is not one of us who knows the mind of God but so many come off as they do. whatever your belief is, in my opinion it is still not a Christ like attitude to knock a certain group for what they believe. as i understand it we're supposed to pray for each other. we're supposed to pray for our enemies!!! not for what we want but for God's will to be done in people's lives and i don't see that being said very often at all along with the criticism of what one believes. its one thing to disagree and its another to generalize a group because of experiences you may have had with people who look at God differently than you, and i'm referring to different views of doctrines or scripture not the worldy view on God, i.e "the church". not all churches are the same and not everyone who attends the same church looks at God the same way. people who attend church are not hypnotized zombies without their own minds. once service is over everyone goes home and leads very different lives. we're also supposed to pray for wisdom and discernment. we're to be seeking His face, not trying to prove that our view is the correct one. we are finite! we're limited in our knowledge, no matter how much studying we do, whether it be on our own or through group bible studies or seminary or whatever the source of knowledge is. i dunno...i'm just frustrated about alot of things right now. now i know for a fact that i don't always follow what this scripture subscribes as much as i should but i do believe that it would be pretty hard for people to have different views on this verse:

Proverbs 3:5-7

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD and shun evil.

none of us should be wise in our own eyes, and we shouldn't lean on our own understanding. now i don't know how else to lean on the wisdom of God except through his Word and through prayer. if the bible wasn't reliable i have a hard time believing it would be here for you and i to read today. i can only imagine how many people have tried to discredit it. doesn't the longevity of the "good book" speak for itself??? and if you can find flaws in His Word ask Him for the answers to the quesions you have. its still up to Him to decide whether or not you'll get the answer but there can't be harm in asking. James 1:5. the bible even says that God's foolishness is wiser than man's wisdom 1 Corinthians 1:25. and actually read that whole chapter to see the context of the message. it speaks on divisions in the "church", the church being the body of believers. ahhh...its time for bed and i could go on and on. hopefully i'll be back to blogging soon. i'm just more concerned about getting my personal time with God back.